Stop Street Harassment

Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming

Archives for March 2010

“I’m a grown man & you can’t tell me what to do!

By

Photo taken by contributor

I’m out on my lunch break from work, and I wait to cross a light. As I continue on my way, I pass a guy who is heading in the opposite direction. At first I thought he was going to ignore me but instead he mutters a “Girl!” and he starts staring at me as if I’m a piece of meat. Gross.

“Don’t talk to me like that,” I say.

“I don’t mean anything by it,” he says, but his actions belie his words. He was staring at my chest while he was talking! I was wearing a light scarf around my neck which was covering my chest area…what did he think he was going to see?! There was going to be no boob peep show for him!

“Stop looking me up and down and look me in the eyes,” I say.

I have too much experience dealing with harassers and knew how this was going to go. (Regardless, I can’t and won’t change how I deal with harassers.) He then cops an attitude and gets offensive.

“Forget you! Go on and keep walking to where you were going! I’m a grown man and you can’t tell me what to do!” he yells.

“Well this is MY BODY and I have every right to react when someone looks at me inappropriately,” I snap back.

He continues on his way yelling junk, and I yell “That’s why I can’t stand harassers. You go around harassing women but have the nerve to get defensive when called out on your mess. Ignorant!”

I didn’t react fast enough and only caught the back of him (he’s in the navy blue shirt in this photo), but I was fuming.

People wonder why I walk around “looking mean” and having an attitude. When incidents like this happen day in and day out, you’d have an attitude too.

I’m sick of men, specifically Black men – men the same race as I am, constantly degrading me like this. What makes me invisible to harassers of other races but a constant target of men of my own race? I’m not asking to be harassed by men of other races (lord no!), but I’m tired of frequently being targeted by “my own” while they’ll call me “sista.” Don’t call me your sista unless you can respect me like one. I am not an object only good for men’s viewing pleasure. There’s more to me than that.

– Anonymous

Location: M St & Potomac St, DC

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Include your location and it will be added to the Street Harassment Map.

Share

“Guys, catcalls are never cool”

By

Micah Toub wrote a thoughtful, great article on street harassment for Toronto’s The Globe and Mail called “Guys, catcalls are never cool.” He discusses how women feel about street harassment and some of the reasons why men do it. His conclusion for how men can flirt without being a harasser:

“The thing I was thinking after these conversations, is that a smile – even if underneath it lies a more carnivorous urge – can at least be interpreted by its receiver any way she wants. Or ignored. So in the same way that women have attempted to take back the street, I’d suggest that the good men out there take back the street flirt, by starting again from square one.

When it comes to expressing springtime desires, less is definitely more.”

Image from Globe & Mail

I chatted with Micah last week and was very pleased by the quotes he included from me. A few times in the past I’ve been misquoted in articles and was not in this one. I also love the quotes from Dr. Michael Kimmel. I find that he always has interesting information on masculinity issues.

What are your thoughts? What constitutes acceptable flirting and unacceptable harassment?

Share

Apology from a harasser

By

I walk from the bus stop to get to my job this morning, and a homeless man was sitting outside of Starbucks on M near Wisconsin. He shakes his cup at people walking by, but with me it’s “Hey, gorgeous” and “Hey, mami.”

I walk up to him and tell him that he shouldn’t call women he doesn’t know “gorgeous” and “mami” and that he needs to refer to them as “miss” or “ma’am.” He immediately apologized, said he meant “no disrespect,” and told me to have a nice day. I wished him a nice day as well.

I rarely get apologies from harassers. Usually when they get called out on their behavior they get irate, start throwing insults and get violent. But this guy was genuinely apologetic and I appreciated that.

I wish more harassers would follow his lead.

– Anonymous

Location: Georgetown, DC

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Include your location and it will be added to the Street Harassment Map.

Share

“I don’t like to be disrespected”

By

I live in NYC and this is not the first time I have experienced sexual harassment on the transit system. But this one stood out and made me feel so many emotions at once…I just had to post something to get them out.

Around 5:30 p.m on Saint Patrick’s Day, I was on the 5 train to meet up with my sister after work. The train was pretty empty but had (mostly men) around 10 people spread out, sitting down. These two boys get on, I say ‘boys’ because they seemed to be around the ages 16-19, both had hoodies on, both were African American with short black hair. They sit across from me and immediately say loudly, “Why do you have green nails for?” (my nails were painted a dark green), I ignore them and mess with my phone. This obviously pissed them off because then they start saying, “Why she wearing so much makeup? That’s too much makeup.” Well then, mascara and concealer must make me a whore. At this point, my whorish self, couldn’t take it anymore and I said, “I’m not deaf and I don’t like to be disrespected.”

This seemed to shut them up for about 10 seconds, that’s when the insults started pouring out. I was called a, “white bitch”, “racist”, “ugly bitch”, etc. I ignored these while trying to swallow my increasing anger. The one guy then thought it would be fun to rap about me and how I should, “suck big black dicks.”

They both laughed, but one of the boys got up, walked towards me and tried to touch me. Good thing I saw this coming and was able to push him away before he laid a finger on me. This was the last straw, so I took out my phone to take a picture of them. That’s when the big, tough boys showed their true colors…they cowered behind their hoodies. While doing this they proceeded to call me a ‘bitch’ and tell me to, ‘fuck off’.

I got some words in by saying, “What’s the matter? Are you scared of having your picture taken? You sure didn’t seem scared of harassing me?” Both of the boys got up, while covering their faces, to get off the train and I kept my phone pointing towards them. But, before getting off the train one of them spit at me and they both ran off. Luckily, it missed me by 10 miles.

What really upsets me about the situation is that no one on the train did or said anything. And most of the people on the train were older males. They literally just stared at me as I felt anger, sad, and humiliated. These boys didn’t know me nor did I do anything to deserve such treatment. I wanted to cry after what happened and felt so ashamed that I got off of my train so I can switch to another 5, just so the people who witnessed what happened wouldn’t see me anymore.

– K.C.

Location: New York City, NY

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Include your location and it will be added to the Street Harassment Map.

Share

Metal Pole Attack

By

Disgusting. Via Metro Weekly:

“The Metropolitan Police Department arrested a man suspected of assaulting two transgender individuals, also described as members of the Latino LGBT community, shortly after the incident on Saturday, March 13…

“The investigation further revealed that the suspect attacked the complainants because of their gender identity,” Mejia says in the report, adding that the suspect was charged with bias-related assault with a dangerous weapon…

Joe Montoni, co-chair of Gays and Lesbians Opposing Violence (GLOV), said the incident confirms what GLOV has been hearing from activists within the Latino community.

“[V]iolence against transgender people in that area is on the rise,” Montoni said in an e-mail to Metro Weekly responding to reports of the Petworth neighborhood attack.

“I urge all members of the trans community to report any incidence of harassment or assault and to be vigilant in their personal safety.”

Kelly Pickard, GLOV’s other co-chair, says this recent incident “underscores the concerns we have expressed from the outset about the reorganization of the GLLU regarding the need for open communication with community groups like GLOV.”

GLOV is hosting a meet and greet with MPD officers trained in services provided by the city’s Gay and Lesbian Liaison Unit (GLLU) on Thursday, March 25.”

Share