Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming
Chandni Parekh is the winner of tonight’s random drawing for a signed copy of my book Stop Street Harassment: Making Public Places Safe & Welcoming for Women (out Aug. 30) to celebrate the two year anniversary of my blog. Thanks everyone who entered and I’ll do another drawing on Aug. 30. to celebrate the book release. So stay tuned!
My housemates helped w/the drawing 🙂
There has been a union protest going on near my building for the past couple of months. Generally two men at a time stand on the sidewalk in front of the building they are protesting, all except one are always polite and stand at opposite sides of the sidewalk in order to let pedestrians get on with their business. This one I have had the displeasure of dealing with several times.
This stretch of sidewalk is on my way to the grocery store, so you can imagine how often I have to go down it. I always wear my full Goth regalia to the store because homeless live around the grocery store and sometimes try to mug people- I have found from past experience they are afraid of Goths. Mind you, I am completely covered from the neck down, so it’s not like this guy has much reason to bother me in the first place. Well, each time I would walk past he would try to pick me up.
“Hey baby, where you goin’ in those big ass boots?”
“Hey puss in boots!”
“Hey sexy dom girl!”
I finally had it one day and had already been rehearsing some choice responses in my head. The older gentleman that was standing with the offender had seen this guy harass me before, and upon seeing my approaching turned to the offender and said “Dude, just don’t. She’s not interested.”
This did not deter him of course, since it’s obvious that he is an idiot. He opened his mouth and had the gall to ask, “Can I have your number, babe?”
I turned heel, the first time I had actually stopped in front of him, and yelled, “No! Would you fuck off?”
He laughed and then said “Oh, yeah, well…I have bigger boots than yours at home!”
I turned and started walking away as the older gentleman shook his head, his hand over his eyes in disgust. I called over my shoulder, “I’m sure you do, we all need to compensate for something, don’t we?”
Thankfully I haven’t seen him since. I’m sure the older gentleman reported this idiot to the union and they somehow had him removed. It just felt good to fight back finally.
– anonymous
Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Include your location and it will be added to the Street Harassment Map.
Every other male I met “Had a go” – walking with me, telling me I should leave my boyfriend in favour of the harasser, asking me if I wanted Gambian babies, refusing to go away when I asked politely and getting angry with me. And I was modestly dressed in baggy trousers and long-sleeved tops, often with my head covered too, but it made no difference. I was on holiday for two weeks, but I didn’t leave the hotel room for the second week because it was so bad, even from the hotel staff. Women – just don’t go to the Gambia!
– Crystal
Location: Banjul, The Gambia
Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Include your location and it will be added to the Street Harassment Map.
In follow-up to yesterday’s post, I was able to connect with Jen Corey, the current Miss D.C. She graciously agreed to answer a few questions for me about her experiences with street harassment to help raise awareness about this issue.
(And if you’re in the Washington, D.C. area, you can catch her tomorrow on NBC’s “Daily Connection” from 2-3 p.m. EDT. She will be speaking about her harassment experiences. UPDATE – awesome news clip from Miss D.C. from NBC and around minute 3:30 she mentions HollaBack DC! and Stop Street Harassment)
HK: How old were you when boys or men started harassing you in public places?
JC: I was probably about 12 or 13. I was very tall for my age (about 5’8″ in middle school) so men assumed I was much older. It actually happened in front of my mom frequently and she would have to step in and say something.
HK: About how often do men harass you in public places?
JC: Extremely often. I work in Georgetown so I would say most days of the week as I’m walking down the crowded streets for lunch, someone will say something or stop in front of me and look me up and down. I also take the metro every day so I get yelled at from cars while walking to and from the metro.
HK: What impact does street/public harassment have on your life?
JC: It’s been very upsetting. I had a traumatizing experience a few years ago in Adams Morgan. I was getting all of my girl friends into a cab in front of the McDonald’s. I was the last to get in and as I was standing there, a car full of men pulled up behind me and a large man reached out and slapped me so hard on my backside that I fell face first into the cab. My friends didn’t even realize what happened at first because it sounded like a car had run over a water bottle. The men just laughed and drove away while I stood in the street crying. There were officers on the side of the road, but they did nothing. My cab driver yelled at me to get into the cab so we could follow the car, but by then I was in pain and just wanted to go home. I had a bruise on my chin and a black and blue hand print on my backside for a week.
I refused to go back there for a long time. And when I first started going back I would demand to stay sober, thinking that I could “protect” the other girls I was with.
HK: Do you feel the harassment has changed since you became Miss DC? If so, how?
JC: I don’t think it’s changed because most of the time that it happens now, I am not wearing my crown and sash. It’s just as frequent. It happens when I’m all dressed up going to an event, or when I’m leaving the gym with my hair in a ponytail wearing sweats.
HK: Where do you draw the line regarding what you find to be acceptable and unacceptable interactions between strangers in public?
JC: I don’t want to be disrespected. More than anything, I don’t want to be touched. Don’t grab my hand when I walk by and ask me “where’s your smile?” Don’t walk past me, stop and look me up and down saying “daaammmnnnnn.” I don’t expect every guy to leave me alone when I’m out, and I don’t even mind cheesy pick up lines. I just want to be respected and I don’t think that it’s too much to ask.
HK: How do you usually respond to harassers and what response/s has/have been the most empowering for you?
CJ: Well I definitely don’t go around hitting them, although, this incident over the weekend was not the first time I had to. I used to ignore it, but now I assess the situation (and my potential risk of getting hurt) and act accordingly. Most of the time I get in their face (since I’m almost 6 feet tall, we look eye to eye) and say something like, “Did you really think that was going to work?” or “Don’t touch me. I’m bigger than you.” And I always tell another guy that I know or think I can trust near by about what happened. This way if the creep comes back, I have someone else backing me up.
HK: Do you have any suggestions for other women about how to deal with this kind of harassment?
CJ: Don’t ignore it. That’s the problem. Certain men do this because they think they can get away with it. If you don’t feel comfortable doing something yourself, then tell someone near by.
HK: Do you have any ideas or plans for addressing this issue in DC?
CJ: I will be going on NBC on Wednesday, May 26, to talk about the issue. If I can be a voice for other women who are fed up, then I will do whatever I can to make things right.
This is not OK or something we should ignore. Getting grabbed is NOT just something that’s part of the bar scene and should be accepted. I have every right, as an American, to go out and not be touched or hit.
I am so glad Jen is speaking out about this. All women should have the right to go places without experiencing unwanted touching and harassment from men. Find ideas for what you can do to help end this problem. And if you’re in the DC area, check out the anti-street harassment work of HollaBack DC! and Defend Yourself and how you can get involved.
I am giving away a free, signed copy of my forthcoming book about street harassment to commemorate the two-year anniversary of my blog (it’s tomorrow) & to honor all of the brave individuals who have shared their stories.
Who: YOU! Your friends, your family, your colleagues, your neighbors, etc.
What: Random drawing of names to determine the winner of the Stop Street Harassment book giveaway.
When: You have until 7:30 p.m. EDT on 5/26/10 to email me to be included. I’ll post the winner on this blog and email them around 8 p.m. EDT on 5/26. The book is available Aug. 30, and the winner will receive a mailed copy soon after that date.
Where: Email stopstreetharassmentATyahooDOTcom with your name.*
Why: To celebrate two years of blogging and collecting street harassment stories. A book giveaway is especially fitting as several blog posts from my first year are excerpted in it and many of my blog readers participated in the survey that helps inform the narrative.
How can you get the book if you don’t win?
You can pre-order the book today on Barnes & Noble (best price) or on Amazon.com. You can purchase it there starting on Aug. 30. My publisher mainly distributes to libraries, so in the fall, hopefully you can find it at a library near you.
And I’ll be doing another book give away on the book release date, August 30, so you can enter again then!
Two years…
Thank you for speaking out against street harassment and for showing the prevalence of this problem in women’s lives across these past two years. Let’s keep raising our voices and fighting this issue so that one day public places can be safe and welcoming for women!
* Note: I will not share your email address with anyone. However, unless you specify you do not want me to, I may include you in future emails about book-related news or street harassment events.