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Archives for May 2010

Not even safe at a kids’ softball game

May 25, 2010 By Contributor

I am a 42 year old mother. I didn’t realize “it” was on-going for the past 3 softball games. First day it started from one man, a divorced father of a female player. It was ten thousand questions, why isn’t your husband here, doesn’t he come to your daughter’s games? Invasive questions, why haven’t I see you here before? Are you happy in your marriage? Where did you go to university, how long have you been in this borough? I tried to deflect these increasingly uncomfortable questions.

Then it was you look pretty today. How is “Suz” today? I felt that he was leering at me during each game, while I attempted to watch my daughter play ball.

The third game was tonight. The girls were along the grassy area waiting for their turn at bat. I heard a few of them giggling and then one said the term “Justin Bieber lesbian web site”? (who knows what that meant) So I immediately got up to quietly remind them for speaking of inappropriate things during a public ball game.

When I returned to my “camp” chair, the accident/malpractice attorney father of one of the teenage players (that I barely know, only in that our daughter’s are on the same team) leaned over and said, “I guess she found your web site?” (Wink, wink) He thought it was hysterical.

I did get up tell him how offended I was, even challenged him in calling it sexual harassment and I spoke loudly in front of the other “posturing” men in suits along the grassy parent area. I called my husband, who came right down to the field and challenged the attorney that his behavior was unbecoming of an officer of the courts. I urged the attorney to look into some diversity/sexual harassment training program for his law firm.

But the bottom line, his behavior made me feel bad, dirty and sad even after I realized that it wasn’t me, it was harassment. I got this turned around feeling in my stomach and here it is almost midnight & I am left to “google” sexual harassment in public places, which lead me to find your website.

🙁

– Suz

Location: Pittsburgh, PA

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Include your location and it will be added to the Street Harassment Map.

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment Tagged With: public harassment, sexual harassment, softball game, Stories

Miss D.C. doesn’t like street harassment!

May 24, 2010 By HKearl

Image via Miss DC

As my colleagues at HollaBack DC! show on their blog & map, Washington, D.C., is a hotbed of street harassment. Unsurprisingly, Miss D.C. is not immune to it.

Jen Corey, the current Miss D.C., said she avoids Adams Morgan and sticks to Georgetown or Dupont when she goes out at night because of the groping and sexual harassment she experiences at Adams Morgan. But this past Friday night, three different men in Georgetown disrespectfully and inappropriately touched her. By man number three she was fed up and slammed him against a wall.

From The Examiner:

“After this weekend, it seems Corey has taken this issue to be her latest platform, telling us ‘there is no reason for a girl to have to worry about being slapped … or touched when we go out.'”

Absolutely! I’m thrilled that Jen is bringing attention to harassment in public places – particularly to the disgusting groping that happens.

In my work on street harassment, I usually exclude discussing bars and clubs because it’s more acceptable to approach someone with the intent of meeting them there than it is on the street or at a bus stop. Also, you shouldn’t have to but if you really want to you can stop going to bars and clubs without much inconvenience (as I did a few times in college after being groped and grinded on when I did NOT want to be), but it’s pretty inconvenient to try to avoid your own street corner, bus stop, or neighborhood grocery store because of harassers.

That said, harassment, especially touching, happens FAR too often in public nightlife venues and it shouldn’t. Women should have the right to enjoy going out without being constantly approached and touched and chatted up. This harassment & assault must end!

Men at clubs, bars, and pubs, here is a message: Be respectful & above all else, keep your hands (& all other body parts) to yourselves unless you’ve been given explicit consent by the woman!

(thanks for the story tip @claudiaAAUW)

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Filed Under: News stories, street harassment Tagged With: adams morgan, groping, Jen Corey, Miss DC, Miss USA, street harassment

They all have no respect for women

May 24, 2010 By Contributor

I was riding my bike home. I saw a group of young men sitting on a stoop. I knew they would say something so I just rode on by like I wasn’t paying attention. One guy said, “What ya’ doing?”

I did not reply… then he yelled, “F**k You!”

I hate stupid ghetto men…

On the same bike ride home an older yard worker kept yelling, ‘Hey girl” at me…. I guess it doesn’t matter if the guy is older… they all have no respect for women. Btw… I was wearing shorts and a long sleeve baggy t shirt. Nothing fancy.

– North

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Include your location and it will be added to the Street Harassment Map.

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment Tagged With: disrespect for women, Stories, street harassment

No longer immune

May 23, 2010 By Contributor

I’ve been fairly insulated from street harassment for the past few years because of a few factors. For one, I’ve been living in a very small university/government town, which I think helps. Two, I was quite overweight for a long time. In the past few months, I’ve lost 25 lbs, about half of what I’ve gained over the years. Clearly it has made a difference. I was standing outside a coffee shop, on the phone with my mom when some guy drove by in his car. He stuck his head and hand out of the window and shouted something at me. I wasn’t really paying attention and he had a green light so he couldn’t stop. Before I found this site, it might not have made an impression on me. I guess now begins my time as a victim. That makes me feel just super about losing weight.

– Not Guilty

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Include your location and it will be added to the Street Harassment Map.

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment Tagged With: Stories, street harassment

Documenting street harassment on maps

May 21, 2010 By HKearl

Does street harassment really happen that often? Doesn’t it just happen in big cities? Doesn’t it just happen in “bad” neighborhoods?

Maps are an easy way to help SHOW that street harassment happens all the time and everywhere. Do you want to help raise awareness about street harassment? Consider doing so with maps.

1. When you share your street harassment stories for this blog, add the location so I can add it to my Global Street Harassment Map. You can do the same if you live in Washington, DC, and submit a story to HollaBack DC!

2. Donate to Hollaback NYC’s Kickstart initiative to launch a phone app that will allow anyone to map their street harassment incident in real time (they have until May 28 to raise $12k – please help now!).

3. Create your own map of street harassment incidents, just as the two women I will profile next have done.

Hannah’s and Valerie’s Street Harassment Maps

First up is Hannah, a cinema student at the University of Iowa who recently created her own street harassment map. I asked her a few questions about it.

Regarding the impact of street harassment on her life, she said,

“Street harassment, both what’s happened to me and what’s happened to other people, makes me afraid to walk down the street. I dress in a certain way to try to avoid it, though I think my map proves how ineffective that is. I also take certain routes, like avoiding downtown if at all possible, simply to avoid being harassed.”

As to why she created her own map, she told me:

“I think it’s really interesting how many things have happened to me, personally, and I feel that what has happened to me has largely been different from what people typically associate with street harassment. I feel like the myth is that women who dress ‘provocatively’ and/or are really pretty are the only people who are harassed. I’m evidence to the contrary. I’m pretty plain – I’m curvy, too, and a little overweight on top of that – and I like to dress comfortably, which for me is in loose-fitting clothing that covers my knees and my upper arms. I don’t like to show a lot of skin, and I don’t wear tight clothes. Another common misconception is that street harassment only comes from, say, construction crews, or truck drivers, men like that. I’ve never been harassed by a construction worker OR a truck driver. Plus I also think that people believe that street harassment only happens in big cities, which Iowa City (thought I love it) certainly is not. I guess the short answer is that I wanted to debunk myths and raise awareness.”

She has found that her map creates opportunities for very helpful discussions, but that she’s also had people tell her she is “getting worked up over nothing.” She plans to add every single incident that happens to her to the map, and that “I hope more than anything that I don’t have to add to it, but realistically I know that’s probably not going to be the case.”

Next up is Valerie Aurora, a software programmer and writer in San Francisco, who created her street harassment map a few years ago.

Street harassment has a similar impact on her life as it does on Hannah’s:

“I have very carefully researched routes to and from places I visit that have the lowest rate of harassment and I take those religiously. I just don’t take certain BART stations (like 16th and Mission) because they are so surrounded by people who harass me and instead take longer routes.  I always sit near the driver on the bus or train. I take taxis if I’m out after 9pm at night – night buses are hell. Getting harassed pretty much ruins my day and reduces me to a 10-year-old level of emotion for several hours.”

Why did she start her map?

“Initially, it was because very few people believed me when I told them about what was happening to me.  I wanted to prove that my reality existed – people were so disbelieving that I began to wonder if I were making it all up somehow.  Then I realized that I felt much better when I had something to do when someone harassed me.  I’d pull out my notebook and note down the time and place and what happened, and that distracted me enough that I’d only feel a little bit scared and bad. It was my way to prove that what was happening was really happening, and to get a little control back.”

Her map is having an impact. She said that some people who view it say, “Wow, I had no idea it was so bad!”  and some others question whether individual incidents were really harassment.  “Most people,” she notes, “are shocked.”

When I asked her about her plans going forward, she told me:

“I quit adding to this one after a while because I got used to it and I no longer cared whether my friends believed me or not – I knew it was happening, and that was all the reality I needed.  But writing this has reminded me of the good parts of keeping the map.  I may start doing it again, but keeping it on Global Street Harassment Map instead. And if the Hollaback iPhone app becomes a reality, then hell yeah, I’ll keep updating it.”

What would your map look like if you documented all of your street harassment experiences?

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Filed Under: Advice, hollaback, Resources, street harassment Tagged With: document street harassment, hollaback, kickstart, phone app, street harassment app, street harassment map

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