I feel as if I rarely get harassed now (knock on wood), but when it happens, it’s annoying. And once again, as mentioned in the story back when I was called N-word in August, it hurts when loved ones don’t back me up.
This past Friday, my mother treated me to see Tyler Perry’s “For Colored Girls…” and the first theater we went to was mobbed. (I’m not a Tyler Perry fan but am a fan of Ntozake Shange, and I can’t figure out what about Tyler Perry movies brings people out in droves, but I digress.)
The deal was that I was going to use my mother’s card to buy the tickets while she parked the car, while I kept in contact on my phone to let her know the status of tickets. I get to the kiosk and the show we wanted to see was sold out with the next one being two hours away. As I informed her of this and was proceeding to leave the theater, some dummy pushed me and told me “Move!” I wasn’t in his way!
I forgot to hang up my phone as I went to confront this guy, telling him I wasn’t in his way and he had no right to push me, and once again, like in the last story, my mother hears me and she’s yelling “What are you doing? Stop! Just leave!” The satisfaction of this guy standing there looking humiliated (while some other guy laughed at him being told off by me) disappeared because of my mother thinking I’m a child incapable of defending myself and thinking for myself and her constantly blaming me for things that go wrong.
My mother has been exposed to your site and is interested in your book and has become more educated about street harassment, so to speak, but I still feel she has a long way to go before she 1) realizes I’m an adult and if I feel like defending myself, I will (I haven’t lived under her roof in years, so I don’t get why she can’t see me as an autonomous woman) and 2) I’m not to blame for what happens to me. I didn’t ask for that guy to push and snip at me to “Move!”
I get into the car and tell her what happened to cause me to go off, and she gives a perfunctory “Well, that theater gets crowded and attracts rowdy people…we should’ve went somewhere else.”
I just want to feel as if she’ll have my back 100%, for once. I don’t know why she can’t.
– Tired of Being Harassed
Location: AMC Hoffman 22 (Alexandria, VA)
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Beckie Weinheimer says
Hi, I’m Holly Kearl’s mother, and I think it is just a generational thing. I think your mom is just genuinely scared for you. But don’t give up on her. Its good she is interested in this blog and the topic. Our generation just has a higher hurdle to leap because of how we were raised, but I have come so far because of Holly and my other daughter pointing things out. Keep standing up for yourself and encouraging your mom to do the same.I promise we old dogs can learn new tricks! it just takes awhile! 🙂