• About Us
    • What Is Street Harassment?
    • Why Stopping Street Harassment Matters
    • Meet the Team
      • Board of Directors
      • Past Board Members
    • In The Media
  • Our Work
    • National Street Harassment Hotline
    • International Anti-Street Harassment Week
    • Blog Correspondents
      • Past SSH Correspondents
    • Safe Public Spaces Mentoring Program
    • Publications
    • National Studies
    • Campaigns against Companies
    • Washington, D.C. Activism
  • Our Books
  • Donate
  • Store

Stop Street Harassment

Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Tumblr
  • Twitter
  • YouTube
  • Home
  • Blog
    • Harassment Stories
    • Blog Correspondents
    • Street Respect Stories
  • Help & Advice
    • National Street Harassment Hotline
    • Dealing With Harassers
      • Assertive Responses
      • Reporting Harassers
      • Bystander Responses
      • Creative Responses
    • What to Do Before or After Harassment
    • Street Harassment and the Law
  • Resources
    • Definitions
    • Statistics
    • Articles & Books
    • Anti-Harassment Groups & Campaigns
    • Male Allies
      • Educating Boys & Men
      • How to Talk to Women
      • Bystander Tips
    • Video Clips
    • Images & Flyers
  • Take Community Action
  • Contact

An early inspiration about street harassment

January 12, 2011 By Contributor

Several years ago I worked at a manufacturing plant for a large company.  One of the goal areas for the year was to raise awareness of racial diversity and to improve the workplace for people of color.  Although I was raised with a strong sense of the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” and I thought this was a great way to live one’s life, I was startled to learn a new paradigm, “Do unto others as they would have you do unto them”.

I draw a lot of inspiration from this lesson when I think about males interacting with females.  As a male, I get it that men (at least a lot of men) may take it as a compliment and like it if a woman on the street said something to them like, “Hey baby, looking good today”.  But men, the point is that it isn’t about us.  It is about the woman/women we are in public with and what she/they want(s).

What do women want from men?  Of course I can’t speak for all situations and all women (or men).  But from my personal experiences and those that I read about, there are some near universal truths:

  1. Women don’t want personalized, focused interaction with men they don’t know in most daily public settings. Unfortunately men bring with them the collective baggage of all the creepy men past and present who have ever been rude, offensive or worse. So regardless of our intentions, we must realize that the female we are going to potentially interact with don’t know if we are one of the good guys or not.
  2. That said, men need to be smart enough to match the interaction with the situation.  That is, certain interactions with women we don’t know depending on the situation are ok for the street, in line at a store, when at a sporting event, a party, etc.
  3. Men need to make sure to help mentor other men and younger males.  Face it, men are pretty clueless about interactions with women and need help!  We don’t have to be crusaders (or maybe we do) but persistent, quiet example can/will go a long way to making a difference.
  4. Although I personally find opportunities are rare, men need to help women when they see they are being harassed.  Simple things like diverting the attention of the harasser (ask them a question) to actually confronting the harasser, will stop the situation.

It is sad to realize on the one hand, the incredible innovations of the past decade and contrast that with some of the incredibly hard incidents of harassment we read about on this blog.  Men, let’s make a difference today.

– Alan Kearl

This is the first post in a new weekly series written by male allies who have volunteered to share their experiences with and view points on street harassment. We need men involved in the work to end the social acceptability of street harassment and to stop the practice, period, and the voices of male allies contribute to these goals. If you’d like to contribute to this weekly series, please contact me.

Share

Filed Under: male perspective Tagged With: male allies blog series, street harassment

Comments

  1. Golden Silence says

    January 12, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    Great piece, Alan!

  2. b says

    January 12, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    “Women don’t want personalized, focused interaction with men they don’t know in most daily public settings.”

    Indeed!! Rock on Alan. Thanks for the post.

  3. lanrcc says

    January 13, 2011 at 6:16 am

    well done for saying your piece, it makes real sense so hopefully other people will read and take note.

Trackbacks

  1. Men speaking out « Stop Street Harassment! says:
    January 13, 2011 at 10:45 am

    […] speaking out With the exciting launch of the weekly series of blog posts by male allies yesterday, I thought I’d post two great videos of men speaking out against street harassment […]

Share Your Story

Share your street harassment story for the blog. Donate Now

From the Blog

  • #MeToo 2024 Study Released Today
  • Join International Anti-Street Harassment Week 2022
  • Giving Tuesday – Fund the Hotline
  • Thank You – International Anti-Street Harassment Week 2021
  • Share Your Story – Safecity and Catcalls Collaboration

Buy the Book

Search

Archives

  • September 2024
  • March 2022
  • November 2021
  • April 2021
  • March 2021
  • January 2021
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • February 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015
  • November 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • April 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • December 2012
  • November 2012
  • October 2012
  • September 2012
  • August 2012
  • July 2012
  • June 2012
  • May 2012
  • April 2012
  • March 2012
  • February 2012
  • January 2012
  • December 2011
  • November 2011
  • October 2011
  • September 2011
  • August 2011
  • July 2011
  • June 2011
  • May 2011
  • April 2011
  • March 2011
  • February 2011
  • January 2011
  • December 2010
  • November 2010
  • October 2010
  • September 2010
  • August 2010
  • July 2010
  • June 2010
  • May 2010
  • April 2010
  • March 2010
  • February 2010
  • January 2010
  • December 2009
  • November 2009
  • October 2009
  • September 2009
  • August 2009
  • July 2009
  • June 2009
  • May 2009
  • April 2009
  • March 2009
  • February 2009
  • January 2009
  • December 2008
  • November 2008
  • October 2008
  • September 2008
  • August 2008
  • July 2008
  • June 2008
  • May 2008

Comment Policy

SSH will not publish any comment that is offensive or hateful and does not add to a thoughtful discussion of street harassment. Racism, homophobia, transphobia, disabalism, classism, and sexism will not be tolerated. Disclaimer: SSH may use any stories submitted to the blog in future scholarly publications on street harassment.
  • Contact
  • Events
  • Join Us
  • Donate
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Tumblr
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Copyright © 2025 Stop Street Harassment · Website Design by Sarah Marie Lacy