Archives for March 2011

“I don’t want to be protected, I want to be free”

March 10, 2011 By Contributor

Some of my “favorites”.

Out walking with a male friend, got yelled out (whatever generic crap men say). I lost my temper and flicked the guy off, to which I got the reply “You can stick that up my a**” I was furious. And there was nothing I could do.
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A guy followed me home (I thought I had lost him), I was walking to class the following morning, and was greeted by the same car, pulling out of MY apartment complex and driving really slowly with the window down, not saying anything. I live less than half a mile from school, but had to get the school police to come pick me up.

I gave the cops a partial license plate and description of the car and man inside. Their response? Don’t walk alone, better yet get a lift from a friend. Every time I need or want to go home to go on campus someone should come pick me up? How can walking ten minutes to class be so dangerous?
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The cops, sorry two cop cars, stopped me while I was walking to school (not that the dress/appearance argument is relevant, but I am out in pretty mundane clothes and clearly look like a student). I knew there had been some prostitute stings in the area, and obviously had been dealing with men trying to buy sex (and not just being creepers). I was late, I cut to the chase “I’m not a prostitute.” They asked, “Have you ever been arrested?” I attempted to be cooperative, but wanted to get to my meeting. Eventually I told them about getting harassed all the time and offered to show my student ID and asked if I could leave. He just waved me off. Sorry, but at least in Sarasota (besides being the meanest city for the homeless) cops definitely don’t give a shit about woman getting harnessed. I have no idea what the justification is, but I would never expect a cop to be remotely helpful in this area if they even saw some guy bothering me.
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I was biking in a different area, and this truck started following me. He’d go around the block and drive by real slow, again, and again, and again. At first I thought I was confused. Then I thought, maybe he just wants directions. Nope. It was one of the first times I realized how unsafe I was, because I was (no looked) female. I eventually was able to duck behind a building and hide out for a bit, but asked a friend to come pick me up just in case. I was practically in tears.
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The only other time (I recall) having to hide was under similar circumstances. I was visiting a friend and went for a run through their neighborhood, when a man in a blue truck started following me (yelling the usual crap). Luckily there was a fire station near by, I noticeably walked in the next time he came around. The firefighters there were furious and offered to give me a ride home and wanted to know what he looked like.

I was really grateful those guys were there, but I think they didn’t understand that I don’t want to be protected, I want to be free. Easily the majority of the men who harass me are middle-aged white males, and yet one of the fire fighters was surprised. Unfortunately racism still persists in how the problem is even perceived, and exactly the group that is the problem is the group that feels the need to “protect” woman and offers completely ignorant advice about safety.

– R

Location: Sarasota, Florida

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Find suggestions for what YOU can do about this human rights issue.

Harassment on buses in Bangalore, India

March 9, 2011 By Contributor

Women face many problems during traveling in the bus,while getting inside the rush bus, standing in the rush, while long traveling. Men used to sit at the back and disturb them, even school going girls. I too personally was harassed for repeated number of times. It will affect mentally and reduce the boldness.

– angelin

Location: Bangalore, India

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Find suggestions for what YOU can do about this human rights issue.

Musings from a 21-year-old male ally

March 9, 2011 By Contributor

I am 21, male, and very grateful to have many strong female influences in my life. They have taught me so much about what it is to be a woman and go through the day-to-day experiences of verbal assault, unwelcome advances, and other explicit perverse behavior. My heart goes out to all of you that have had to suffer the immature, uncivilized conduct of what I hope is a minority of men. That said, I am still a man, and understand first hand the biological and societal conventions of men.

My story is short, and rantings long. I have devoted much time to educating myself about the differences of men and women in an effort to understand and improve my own social capabilities.

Riding with my aunt and female cousin in a cab in NYC one afternoon, we came to a stop light somewhere in SOHO. A group of men in their early twenties were waiting to cross. They were clearly staring at my female companions and my mind painted an image of a group of apes puffing out and beating their chests, making loud screeches, and throwing grass around (a la Tarzan) in a sort of primal routine meant to attract a mate. I positioned myself to block their view of my family and gave them a look that said, eloquently enough, “fuck off.”

Unfortunately this seems to be as far as a lot of “civilized” people have psychologically evolved. Our long evolved biological inclinations for mate selection and reproduction are so influential that our recently developed social structuring cannot compete. Some of the problems I have witnessed or experienced include:

Men are inevitably rejected at some point when first exploring intimate interactions, and without proper coping mechanisms, cognitive dissonance leads to justifications such as “she doesn’t like me, so she must just be a bitch” and other thoughts that can build up and lead to self loathing and increasingly more damaging interactions (abuse, rape etc.)

Women have a much greater investment in child bearing than the man, they carry the child, breast feed, etc. They have to be much more selective, and may have to reject so many advances that their rejections become reflexive and callous. It may appear rude to a shy nice guy that gets up the courage to talk to her but has no social intuition.*

Many men are so starved for physical intimacy that they try force a romantic relationship with a woman they are attracted to without bothering to look for things that really matter in a relationship, like compatibility, shared interests, good conversation, or what is often vaguely described as “chemistry.”

These issues are just the tip of the iceberg. There are a lot of aspects, techniques, and rules of social interactions that need to become mainstream knowledge so that women can feel safe, men can experience more positive relationships, and society as a whole can function better.

– Nick W.

*[Editor’s Note: Or the women have faced so much harassment that it’s hard to distinguish “nice guys” from harassers. Too many seemingly nice guys turn into harassers, stalkers, or even abusers later.]

This post is part of the weekly blog series by male allies. We need men involved in the work to end the social acceptability of street harassment and to stop the practice, period. If you’d like to contribute to this weekly series, please contact me.

“More rights for women, Egypt for all Egyptians”

March 9, 2011 By HKearl

Yesterday in Egypt, activists called for a Million Woman March in Cairo’s Tahrir Square, demanding “fair and equal opportunity for all Egyptian citizens — beyond gender, religion or class.”

I wrote about the planned March with optimism, just as the organizers and participants felt optimism. This morning, reading about what happened makes me feel tired. Tired knowing how much longer Egyptian women (and women all over the world) will have to keep working toward equal rights, including the rights to public spaces free from harassment or assault, in the face of such hateful opposition.

Via NPR:

“Hundreds of women — some in headscarves and flowing robes, others in jeans — who marched to the square to celebrate the anniversary, demand equality and an end to sexual harassment were soon outnumbered by men who chased them out.

“They said that our role was to stay home and raise presidents, not to run for president,” said Farida Helmy, a 24-year-old journalist.”

Via CNN.com:

“The turnout appeared to be no more than than 1,000, and the event quickly degenerated into shouting matches between the two sides.

“Men are men and women are women and that will never change and go home, that’s where you belong,” some of the anti-feminist demonstrators chanted.

There were men on both sides of the protest.

Organizers calling for the demonstration said on Facebook they were “not after minority rights. We are not after symbolic political representation.”

On Aljazeera, Fatma Naib shared her experiences and pictures from being on the square:

“I arrived in Tahrir around 2pm local time [12GMT] on Tuesday March 8, but was surprised to see the sheer volume of men who outnumbered the women, as if it was International Men’s Day!…

Many Egyptian and non-Egyptian men came in big numbers in support of the rally.

And a group of French and Italian expats also turned up in solidarity with the women of Egypt.

“We came here to show solidarity and support women’s rights in the world wherever they are. In Tahrir even more because women played a huge role in the revolution like the men,” Rafaela from Italy said….

Women of all ilk, young, old, veiled, unveiled, all decked up at the Tahrir Square. As they stood there peacefully with their signs that read: “more rights for women”, “Egypt for all Egyptians”, a small crowd of men started to gather in front of the women’s rally.

The anti-women’s day crowd grew as did their loud chants that said:”al shab yoreed esqat al madam“, “the people demand the removal of the lady/women”.

Some of them directed their aggression towards the men who were supporting the women; others just chanted ‘illegitimate’ while pointing at the pro-women crowd….

As the anti-women day crowd grew, the atmosphere went from celebratory to hostile. Most of the men and some of the women, that joined them later, had a problem with one of the demands that called for a woman to become a president….

It was a sad moment to see how a day that was meant to celebrate women all over the world end like this. It was particularly sad to see the faces of some of the women that were visibly shocked at the response and behaviour of the anti-women day protesters.

The event organiser was shocked at the incident.

She said, “I am shocked, I didn’t expect this to happen. But these guys are unaware of our plight and it will take time before the awareness is spread.”

For now the wheel of discussion and creating awareness about women issues and their democratic demands have started, but for now, the idea of a woman president seems unlikely… at least for now…”

“Rebel,” an Egyptian man who attended the rally to support the women, shared what happened on his blog, ending with:

“I was called a faggot defending whores. I was told I wasn’t Egyptian for doing this.

So now. Some accuse us of being too controversial. Some accuse us of using the wrong time and place to voice our grievances. Until when would we remain silent? And till when we will be too shy to call for women rights? I am not sorry I called for justice. I am just really appalled but what my friends had to go through. We managed to get our voices heard for once, and it won’t be the last time.

I hope what happened today will shed some light on the unacceptable attitudes towards women. More men need to speak out for women too. This will definitely help our cause.

The battle is hard. Mubarak’s regime and authoritarianism destroyed people’s sense of diversity. It may take years to actually change attitudes. I think we are up for it though.”

What happened is very disheartening ,but I know that those who support women’s rights won’t give up!

Do Something: This coming Saturday, HarassMap and The New Woman Foundation are hosting a discussion about women’s rights and ending sexual harassment in the streets. Saturday, March 12^th, at 1:00 pm, at 14 abdel monem sanad st, off Ahmed Orabi, Mohandessin, Giza.

And on March 20, it’s International Anti-Street Harassment Day. Harassment in the streets is a global problem – people all over the world will speak out and question its social acceptability.

“Why don’t you come over and suck me!”

March 8, 2011 By Contributor

Walking home alone from a night out with some friends, I was followed by one man who [said he wanted to] sleep in my bed with me, no matter how many times I told him I had a boyfriend. When he gave up, from the other side of the street, I heard a couple of men yelling at me, “Hey baby!” and when I didn’t react, they started yelling some more, “Hey baby! Hey sexy! Why don’t you come over and suck me! Suck me baby, Suck me!”

That sort of behavior is just repulsive and I don’t understand why women here in Norway permit it! I’ve even been groped while walking down the street as a passer-by managed to grab my rear! I wasn’t even wearing anything remotely revealing!

– Anonymous

Location: Drammen, Norway

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Find suggestions for what YOU can do about this human rights issue.

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