I was just thinking about the “first” time I was harrassed, and wondered if others might like to share the first time they experienced this rather bizarre behaviour.
I now think that the first time I was harassed in this way was not actually on the street, but while I was waitressing when I was only about 16. A customer waved me over and said, “Tell me, how did you get such broad shoulders?”
This weird comment still strikes me as a really odd thing to say to a person, let alone a young female. I didn’t know how to react. I still don’t, a decade on.
To me this sort of thing comes under the umbrella of street harassment because it is an assessment of the physical features of a woman by a complete stranger she hasn’t spoken two words to.
What’s bizarre, and perhaps more infuriating, is that this oaf decided to make his rude assessment in the form of a question, which demands to be dignified with a response, even though, on the surface it is entirely rhetorical. How are you supposed to answer that?
Do any other people remember their first experiences of street harassment? How did you feel about it at the time and how have your feelings changed over time?
– Amber
Location: A work
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Lunatic Fringe says
It’s harassment if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Non-sexual harassment is still wrong. That comment was not exactly designed to make you feel good. It sounds like a big-mouth just wanted to spout off information. I wonder how he got such a big mouth? Is it now okay to make rude comments about a hairstyle, clothing choice or facial features as well? I hope that it is not.
Alan says
Street/sexual harassment is a very serious subject and one that this site and many others address so well, offering an incredibly invaluable outlet for victims and resources/suggestions to cope with such an awful and despicable practice. I don’t mean to make light of yours or any of the other horrific experiences shared on this site, but sometimes I read these experiences and think that the only thing to do is treat stupidity (in your case veiled harassment–I mean what did this guy think he was doing?!) in the only way it deserves…..with returned stupidity.
If only we could think quickly on our feet, with adult minds, when we are young. I remember the satirical comic Mad used to have a series, “Mad’s snappy answers to stupid questions”. In your case it might be something like:
* well the sperm of my father combined with the egg of my mother and through gene combination, my skeletal structure was formed. I guess you’ll have to see both my parents and my grandparents to have a little better appreciation of my own particular physique.
or,
* actually I’m glad to see that the exercises I’ve been participating in seem to be working. I have been trying to expand my shoulder stretch for some time. Thank you for noticing.
or,
* so I can beat the tar out of stupid people like you
and so on. Unfortunately we don’t always have the ability to think so quickly on the spot, or we don’t want our response to result in an escalation of a situation (sometimes it is better to just shrug and leave). As you’re doing, you just need to keep talking about it until you can process and understand it and get to a point where you can move forward. As a male, I can only say that I try to understand what it must feel like to endure this and countless other similar situations and how awful it must be regardless of whether it is the first or hundredth time. I hope you can come to peace with it and develop a means of coping. Meanwhile we need to each work as we can to spread our influence to make life a little better for those around us.
Kami says
Alan, the only problem with responding, especially in a setting like a place of employment, is then the customer or co-worker could complain and fail to mention their offensive statement in an attempt to make even more trouble for you.
I work at a place where I’m labeled as having a bad attitude because I tend to “respond in kind’. The expectation seems to be that women should smile and tolerate the bad behavior. Vile comments from boorish males are viewed as simply “what men do”; and apparently responding to the offender is viewed as outrageously rude behavior by women who should simply stay in her place.
I suppose the outcome would be different if your manager is a woman, who could sympathize.
Amber says
I think the issue Alan, is that I and other women shouldn’t HAVE to have a snappy response up our sleeves in case of harassment, the point is that harassers shouldn’t engage in the activity in the first place, it is their behaviour, not our response to it, which is the problem.