Fake wedding ring as tactic to deter hararassers

I’m a Black female living in Oakland’s Lake Merritt area. Having a Caucasian boyfriend makes my walks and bikes with him very uncomfortable at times. For example, this evening we were half a block from biking into our home’s entryway. I was about 10 meters in front of him and I could see these two guys were checking me out with those stupid little smirks some of them give, urg! I end up stopping at my entryway just as I pass the two of them and my bf immediately stops behind me. I didn’t realize but as we walk in I’m told they said, “Why would she be with someone like him?” Urggg!!

First of all this is annoying as hell because I go through it all the time being in an interracial relationship. Funny that I don’t hear about Black guys getting harassed for dating White women these days.

Back on track – secondly this was annoying because these two guys were dirty, I mean they look like they were normal guys (meaning not crazy like many around my home) but damn were they unattractive and flat out raggedy looking!! For real?! My bf is a handsome and super successful guys and you’re telling me that because he’s White I’m better off being with someone like you?! Think before you open your mouth to make a stupid comment like that dumb ass! The same goes for the one, two other guys that holla’d at me earlier in the day.

Why do you idiots think we women want to hear your comments? The funny thing is they often aren’t even talking directly to us, but rather they decide to think aloud. Why?! Why do you think I want to hear what you’re perverted mind thinking about me? Granted, I understand some girls do respond to these actions, we’ve all seen it. Unfortunately, they are the ones who allow these ignorant men to believe it’s okay to act this way. These men are like bad children who are resistant to understanding how to treat women with respect.

I don’t think I can possibly express the fullest extent of my frustrations, it’s that deep. The absolute worst thing is when these men are so rude as to disregard the fact that my bf is with me and they speak their minds as if to taunt him. F*@!in’ rude ass pigs!

Let me tell you what this has brought me to: I’ve purchased a fake wedding band and engagement ring. When I actually feel like wearing them it feels amazing to simply flash them and wha-la, it’s like some kind of magic wand, no more lingering, creepy eyes. In college I got so overwhelmed one semester that I decided to commit a whole semester to wearing sweat clothes (because I couldn’t walk around with a bag on my head) in order to repel them. Guess what? It totally worked! I remember being ecstatic when I would walk by a group of guys and only hear silence. Aaaah, music to my ears! The next semester I decided to perk myself up. While out one night a guy even referred to me as the “sweats girl”. He said he’d thought I was cute but couldn’t understand why I always dressed so…humbly! I thought it was hilarious.

I’m rambling but have lots of stories that make me hate these men with a passion! They seriously disgust me and I wish I had a good one-liner for them without getting called a bitch or something else in return. What can I say to stop them in their tracks once I spot those sickening grimaces? I swear, sometimes I just feel like yelling and screaming at them like a banchie. I imagine myself flailing my arms and chasing them down like a crazy person, hahaha!

– Anonymous

Location: Lake Merritt area, Oakland, CA

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