I am a very curvy woman gifted in both top and bottom areas. No matter what I wear on my way to work ranging from khakis and a polo shirt to a business casual dress that is loose fitting to slightly hugging, I always get the chicken mumbles, baboon grumbles, and all other sorts of weird and rude sounds, noises, stares, and etc. It makes me feel like a piece of meat on the food stand or at the grocery store. Basically I feel as though I am an object and not a human being.
Weird perverts have played with themselves in front of me, licked the glass where I sit on the train, and have made all sorts of catcalls. I was even called a female dog (bit**) for not responding in the anticipated way by a man, of course with his friends around. In that circumstance I was also told, and I quote, “Well I wasn’t trying to talk to/holler at your ugly a** anyway.”
It really perplexes me and makes me scared and uncomfortable to dress the way I want and to be my self. I have always been a conservative person so I don’t wear particularly revealing outfits; however these insulting jeers makes me want to just completely cover myself as I stand there and blush in shame and embarrassment which some guys seem to get off on. I’m highly suspicious walking around men especially in or near crowds of men and I buy big bags I can hide behind to protect myself as a barrier.
– T.H.
Location: Redline train in Washington DC, near 20 Mass Ave NW, near home in hyattsville MD, at grocery stores in DC and MD (PG County) , and etc
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Concealed Weapon says
Covering up doesn’t usually work. Women have been harassed in winter clothing. Harassers prey on fear. Hiding may show them that you are afraid, which will make you more likely to be harassed. Like you said, they get off on your shame and embarassment.
If you’re the rebellious type, the best way to show that you are not afraid is to do what the women at the SlutWalks do. Dress provocatively, while standing up for yourself and saying that the way you dress has nothing to do with them.
I noticed you said you like to dress conservatively. That’s your choice too. I don’t want to pressure you to change that. Just realize that there is nothing wrong with you. Your harassers are the ones who should feel shame. They’re big shots who think they control women, and they start crying when they run into a woman like you that they can’t control. In an attempt to regain that control, they hide their crying by insulting you. Call them out on it. They may call you a crazy bitch, but they’re morons. What they think doesn’t matter. That advice is general advice that I give to victims of bullying.
You may also want to bring a camera with you. Most digital cameras can record sound. Keep the camera hidden at first while recording sound, then after the harassment point the camera at the harassers. Cops may not do something about a single catcall, but harassment (not stopping after you ask them to stop) and public masturbation are crimes. If the cops don’t do anything about it, post the video on YouTube or Hollaback if you want. I’m sure every feminist blog in the country will link to it.
Clarice says
I’m really sorry that you have such a hard time dealing with street harassers. I can sympathise with you as I too get harassed on a regular basis. These creatures who we call ‘men’ (they don’t deserve to be called men in my opinion) are just sad, uneducated losers with no hope of ever getting a decent woman.
Most of the time they are insecure so feel they need to take it out on women as they see us as the ‘weaker sex’. Easy to prey on. Please don’t let these idiots get to you. They want a reaction so don’t give them one, unless you feel threatened. If you are groped, flashed at, verbally abused or threatened, don’t hesitate to report them. Or if you are harassed by construction workers, report them to their company! Harassed on a bus? Tell the bus driver immediately!
Otherwise I really do think the best thing to do is ignore them. I know it’s tempting to say something back sometimes but it would just encourage them to harass you more. Just give them a look of moral disgust, roll your eyes and walk on with your head held high. That will show them that you think they are immature and not worthy of a response. Hope things get better for you!