“every single victim-blaming cliche was pulled out and used”

I was in the park with some friends and two guys yelled at me from across the way, “Your skirt looks sexy!”

Needless to say I didn’t know who they were, didn’t indicate in any way that I wanted to talk to them or that I wanted their attention. I yelled back at them not to yell at me like that, and that I’m not interested in them or what they think of my clothes. They muttered among themselves, said a few unintelligible things, and finally one of them yelled back that he had a girlfriend (how is this significant to me?).

I was very bothered by this, and felt scared, even though they ended up leaving after that, but the worst part of this event is not what they did, but how my so-called friends reacted. There were several women and men there, and none of them backed me up. They actively ignored me and looked embarrassed. In fact, one of the boys said, “I’ve already been in a fight today and I don’t need an other one,” as if I was causing trouble and as if I had even asked him to fight for me! In fact I didn’t say anything at all to them to indicate I expected anything.

Another so-called female friend was mad at me the whole rest of the night and then told my husband later how she wished she would get “male attention”, and also asked me “what do you expect, wearing that skirt in the park at night?”

It was as if every single victim-blaming cliche was pulled out and used to justify them avoiding feeling their feelings of discomfort and abdicating responsibility for their choices.

I am not friends with any of those people anymore. This incident pretty much showed me how little I had in common with them and that I deserved better friends. I am angry at the harassers, and I am angry that the people I was there with actively went out of their way to indicate that I was the one with the problem.

– NSL

Location: City Hall Park, Burlington, VT

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