Archives for 2011

I am absolutely fuming. I’ve been harassed twice this week but I can tell you what really annoyed me the most….

But first I will tell you the stories.

1) I went to bingo on Wednesday with my boyfriend and his mother. We usually go every week because it’s something I enjoy doing. Since joining, I have made friends with the older women. However, although shes friendly, there is one woman who keeps touching my chest. Because it’s summer and I sometimes wear low tops (which I’m entilted to wear) she makes jokes about how big my breasts are and ‘has a feel’. At first I just shrugged it off but now I’m starting to feel uncomfortable. If it were a man doing this, I’m sure I would of said something by now and I know my boyfriend wouldn’t of tolerated it. Because it’s a woman, I brushed it aside because it’s not (at least I don’t think) it’s sexually motivated. But now even my boyfriend is getting annoyed over it.

I don’t know what I should do. Should I say something? What do I say? I don’t want to offend her.

Also, this particular evening, I ended up walking out half way through the game. This was because another middle aged woman was giving me dirty looks (she does this every time) or she just stares blankly at me. I don’t know what her problem is but all I can say is that two years ago, she approached me in the street and accused me of harassing her daughter! I don’t even know her daughter. Up to now, I’ve managed to ignore her but this time I’d had enough. What tipped me was when she smirked at me when she saw I was visably upset. My boyfriends father is the bingo caller but after speaking to him about this issue, he said there was nothing he could do.

But what really frustrated me was when I told my gran about it and she suggested I could be imagining it! NO I AM NOT imagining it. That stupid cow has been giving me daggers every time I go there to enjoy myself and shes being allowed to get away with it and she’ll carry on getting away with it.

2) This happened when I was AGAIN walking back from my boyfriends house, yesterday. There were 3 teenagers walking infront of me and I swear they were deliberately walking slow so that I would catch up with them and they could harass me. They kept looking back at me and snickering to eachother. Then all of a sudden, the two boys yanked their trousers down and flashed their backsides at me! One even bent down so he could show off his full moon. I pretended not to notice and kept walking as slowly as I could a few yards behind them. But I was mortally disgusted. They couldn’t harass me closely so they had to do something to harass me from a distance. Once they disappeared, I got home and called the police. But they told me the line is only for emergencies and I would need to look into the direct enquries to report this incident. I wasn’t sure what to do. So I left it.

The next day (now this is the part which annoyed me) I told my boyfriend’s mother about the incident and she suggested that it was my fault because of what I was wearing! Her words – ‘Perhaps if you wore a jacket, they wouldn’t of done that’. I said what do you mean, it was warm. Then she said ‘Oh but come on, that top you were wearing reveals a lot’. I couldn’t believe she was blaming me. I wanted to scream. And I can tell you that the tops I wear do not show off a lot. A little cleavage but they’re not hanging out. What she said was the final insult. It is a classic comeback from someone who passes judgement on a victim of harassment. Only it is purely arrogant.

A message to you all

NO woman deserves to be harassed and it’s NEVER a womans fault. 

– Clarice

Location: North Cornelly, Wales

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem.
Find suggestions for what YOU can do about this human rights issue.

I thought it would be worth sharing a positive story:

Frequently when the subject of street harassment comes up, men seem to have questions as to what mode of communication is appropriate when wanting to compliment or indicate interest in a woman. While certain behaviors are clearly offensive, others are more nebulous, so I always appreciate curiosity.

Friday night my girlfriends and I went out dancing, and the evening produced a perfect example of what is appropriate behavior as opposed to offensive, menacing harassment:

We were taking a break on the outdoor patio of the dance club. We were celebrating my friend’s impending wedding, so she was adorned in a novelty veil and bride sash. An ever-so-slightly disheveled man approached us and asked us who was getting married.

*Side note: This is almost always the moment in the interaction where the females tense up and have to immediately assess whether the man is a harasser or simply friendly. It can be extremely difficult to judge in that moment, so we frequently draw from past experiences (i.e. if he’s disheveled, he might be a harasser; if he’s overly loud, he might be a harasser; etc.). It is exhausting when you can never just accept a seemingly friendly inquiry as just that. It causes females to stop being open and nice to strangers for fear of them being potential harassers.*

–Anyway, I politely pointed out which friend was getting married.

He turned to her and said “Congratulations.” He then turned back to me and said “You all look fabulous. All of you. And I mean that with respect.”

I said thank you, he said you’re welcome, and then he walked away.

I know that everyone’s bar is set at a different height, but as someone who is always hyper on guard due to years of extreme harassment in this town, I can solidly say that this man did a fine job of paying 6 women a compliment and indicating his admiration without being disrespectful of making us feel at all threatened.

I thought it was an example worth sharing.

– B

Location: Rumors dance club/bar, 19th & M NW, Washington, DC

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem.
Find suggestions for what YOU can do about this human rights issue.