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Archives for 2011

“I was honestly so scared that I went into a safe place and shut off”

March 16, 2011 By Contributor

Last night I was going out to a club on the west side and had one of the worst harassment experiences I have ever had. I waiting for the E and I saw this guy staring at me so I moved down and thought I shook him off.

The uptown train pulled in and I was like sweet! No one on the train… I get on and he came in right after I did. He sat across from me and was looking at me all weird. He was holding his phone like he could be filming me but I was like whatever.

So the doors close and her starts rubbing his crotch and is still pointing his phone right at me. I have read posts on this site before and am so proud of the women that say something. I was petrified… I couldn’t even say anything.

Then I hear “because of traffic there are delays…etc” the train was stopped and then this guy actually pulled out his penis and jerks off. He was calling me a little slut and saying how I wanted to get laid tonight. It felt like an hour and the train started again and he kept doing it and pointing his phone right at me. I got up and stood by the door and he kept saying stuff to me. I wish I would have said something to him but I was honestly so scared that I went into a safe place and shut off.

I am so proud of the women that say something. I REALLY wish I did. On the upside… I had a great Saturday night out and don’t give a shit about that asshole

– Tanya

Location: E Train, New York City, NY

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment Tagged With: E train, public masturbation, sexual harassment, street harassment, threats

Ignoring Canaries in the Mine

March 16, 2011 By Contributor

Image via GetReligion.org

In days past, a canary in a coal mine was critical for safety. Miners would keep a caged canary in a mine and as long as they heard the canary singing they knew they were safe from the noxious gases that they were exposed to. If the canary stopped singing and/or dropped dead, miners also knew the mine was no longer safe to work in. Our neighborhoods are our mines and street harassment is a noxious gas that threatens our community safety and stability but goes unacknowledged. The time has come to notice the canary is no longer singing, our communities are getting less and less safe and if we don’t take notice, no one will.

As a member of and activist within the Black community I’ve often thought of street harassment as an unfortunate yet excusable inconvenience. I didn’t grow up in an area where there was a great amount of street harassment but I do recall learning after school or on weekends that calling out to women about their bodies wasn’t a problem, it was a rite of passage. When with male friends, one would dare another to speak to a passing woman and the next would egg on the next friend to up the anti, “I bet you won’t tell her she has a nice ass.” Like the adolescents we were the bet was attempted and others were waged in escalation. Like many young males, this socialization set in motion a pattern of engaging women, not as people but as passing object of male sexual desire and power.

Many argue that street harassment is simply an ill-conceived attempt at getting a date or a woman’s attention, but I’m not convinced of this perspective. Not too long ago, I was speaking with a number of young Black men about “hollering.” They told me that they’d shout at women on the street, make sounds like “psssstttt” to get their attention, and when they really wanted her attention they’d break awa from their boys and yell from the stoop or trailing behind women like, “hey ma! Let me talk to you. Why you walking so quick? Slow down.” The young men were all confident that what they offered up as their way of engaging young women was doing them a service of getting them closer to these women. When I asked, “How many of you can name someone’s wife or significant other they got in a conversation that started with, ‘Ay, daammmmmnnnn your ass is fat. Where you going? Let me holler at you?” They laughed and rebuffed my questions but then began to unpack their assumptions about gender relations, sexual pursuit, and power.

More than anything else, street harassment is about power for boys and men. For Black men who have been locked out of many of the proposed social opportunities of American society, be it work, education, healthy living conditions, etc. power feels a bit foreign. This lack of power exists along with media that inundates us images of “success” that are far from our grasps. In response, many young Black men look for local spaces to have power over something. This power over usually crystallizes in our relationship to women in our community. As boys and men harass women who pass by and feen interest in women responding favorably to grotesque advances and comments about their bodies, it’s all too common to hear these encounters end with, “Fuck you then, bitch!” This last ditch statement reflects males attempt to salvage the “power” in the interaction. The catch is that the final statement not only fails to provide the harasser with power, it also further disempowers the harassed.

Street harassment is so harmful for our community because it serves to dually disempower the Black community. Street harassment is constant in the places I travel daily but seldom do men engage the work of dismantling this “power play.” Both women and men are disempowered, though I must note that women bear the brunt of this disempowerment by have having their sense of safety, their body image, and notions of worth constantly tried in public places. Street harassment is tied to larger gender issues that pervade our community that often result in unstable homes, intimate partner violence, and increased police surveillance. All of which weaken our community. While most men I encounter on a daily basis, to my knowledge, do not harass on the street, most that harass are men. As men, our silence is deafening and we continue to ignore the canary in the mine which says our community needs to deal with issues of gender and power. Until we see street harassment as the problem that it is, we’ll continue to live in our neighborhoods like the miner who labors in a mine with a dead canary, until it’s too late to get to safety.

– Dr. L’Heureux Dumi Lewis, Assistant Professor of Sociology and Black Studies at the City College of New York

This post is part of the weekly blog series by male allies. We need men involved in the work to end the social acceptability of street harassment and to stop the practice, period. If you’d like to contribute to this weekly series, please contact me.

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Filed Under: male perspective, street harassment Tagged With: canaries in the mine, Dr. L'Heureux Dumi Lewis, male allies, street harassment

A guy who couldn’t take a hint

March 15, 2011 By Contributor

My friend and I were walking from her workplace to a restaurant for lunch when we heard a man behind us call out to us. We turned around and watched as he ran the last few steps up to us. We are both gregarious by nature and didn’t assume immediately that the guy was a creep, but then he opened his mouth to tell us how he had been following us for a block and a half trying to get our attention.

He then went on to extol the virtues of my friend’s beauty, while completely ignoring me except to add an off hand comment about how I “looked nice too.” He did most of the talking, with my friend giving one word responses to any questions asked. He was never overtly rude or crass. I’m pretty sure he thought he was being nice. We didn’t want to seem rude ourselves, but we were giving him every signal we knew that we wanted to back away from the conversation. At one point I actually stepped a few feet back. The guy was either unable to read these signs, or was ignoring them.

Eventually my friend told him that we needed to get going, at which point he asked for her number. She lied and told him she was married. We both thought this would end the nonsense.

We thought wrong.

He then started in on how lucky her husband must be and how he hoped he appreciated her (with the not so subtle intonation that if her husband didn’t, he’d be happy to step in). We had to forcefully tell him goodbye and start walking away before he shut up.

By the time we had gotten to the restaurant we were both laughing about the “idiot creep.” However the whole experience was really uncomfortable, and not one I would care to repeat.

– S.V.

Location: Detroit, Michigan

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment Tagged With: street creep

Details for two more confirmed events for Anti-Street Harassment Day

March 15, 2011 By HKearl

If you’re in these areas, I hope you’ll participate and spread the word!

Delhi, India:

Bol ke , Bas Ab Aur Nahi campaign

“Let’s Unite! Let’s Fight! . ‘BE THE CHANGE’!  Let’s mark the first International Anti-Street Harassment Day on March 20th by saying NO to Street Sexual Harassment. Come join us as we go around the Delhi University north campus protesting and claiming for our space! Further details call 26691219 or write to safedelhi@jagori.org”

Cairo, Egypt:

زيارات التوعية الميدانية الثانية لمتطوعي خريطة التحرش الجنسي

يتزامن ميعادنا لعمل زيارات التوعية الميدانية في شوارع ومناطق مختلفة من مصر لمناهضة التحرش الجنسي، مع اليوم العالمي لمناهضة التحرش الجنسي في الشارع 20 مارس، وهي المبادرة التي تم الإعلان عنها في بداية العام ويمكنكم معرفة المزيد عن اليوم من خلال هذا الرابط:
https://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=200134909997177&ref=ts
وعلى خلاف المرة الأولى للتوعية الميدانية، فنحن الآن نعيش ظروف تاريخية عقب ثورة 25 يناير، يجدر بنا الإستفادة منها لع…مل تغيير حقيقي في كل شوارعنا، وأن ندعو للإيجابية وعدم السكوت على مشكلة التحرش الجنسي.
كيفية المشاركة:

– يخرج المتطوعين في هذا اليوم في مجموعات (نساء ورجال معا) لعمل التوعية في المناطق التي ينتمون لها وتعاني من مشكلة التحرش الجنسي
– تكون التوعية مع الأفراد الرئيسيين في الشارع أو المنطقة (أصحاب المحلات، حراس العمارات، أي مجموعات موجودة في الشارع بصورة مستمرة، اللجان الشعبية مثلا، وسائل المواصلات)
– تتم الإستعانة بدليل المتطوعين الذي أعده المتطوعون أنفسهم ويضم معلومات حول: ماذا نقول؟ ما هي الردود والأعذار المعتادة، والرد عليها)
– تتم الإستعانة بنسخة من الخريطة مطبوعة لإقناع الأفراد بخطورة المشكلة وتجنب إنكارها
– تتم الإستعانة بملصقات الخريطة والأماكن التي تبدي تعاونها تضع ملصق (المناطق الآمنة)
– لا تطول مدة الزيارة الميدانية عن ساعتين بحد أقصى
– ضرورة الرجوع لمنسق المتطوعين عقب الإنتهاء من الزيارة بالملاحظات ونتائج اليوم (من تعاون من المحلات مثلا ويمكننا الإعلان عنهم عن طريق موقعنا)
– في حالة إستخدام تويتر لتغطية تفاصيل التوعية الميدانية نرجو إستخدام #antistreetharassmentday مع #harassmap
– يمكنكم إرسال أي صور أو فيديوهات تم تصويرها خلال اليوم وتوثق تجربتكم لنا

يمكن للمتطوعين الحصول على الدليل والملصقات من أماكن سنعلن عنها قبل نهاية الأسبوع.

ملاحظة: يتزامن أيضا 19 مارس مع ميعاد الإستفتاء على التعديلات الدستورية ويوصي فريق العمل الجميع بضرورة المشاركة، ويمكن عمل التوعية في المنطقة المحيطة باللجنة التابع لها.

لتأكيد المشاركة أو لأي أسئلة أو إستفسارات يمكنكم التواصل مع :
أحمد عجور، منسق المتطوعين: 0110602110
info@harassmap.org

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Filed Under: street harassment Tagged With: HarassMap, Jagori, Safe Delhi, sexual harassment, street harassment

“I hate being a woman in a patriarchal society”

March 14, 2011 By Contributor

I’m 21. Tonight I stopped at the grocery store to get some milk after my visit to the bookstore. I was reminded why I hate going anywhere by myself at night. I was verbally harassed by a gang of idiot high school boys, one that repeatedly asked me if he “smelled good.”

I ignored him until he caught up with me and said he wouldn’t leave me alone until I answered him. I turned around and met his eyes. I said, “What?”

He said, “Do I smell good”, stuffed his shirt in my face, “I’m wearing Ax.”

I said, “No, I think Ax smells like shit. Why are you asking me? There are plenty of girls in this store if you want a girl opinion, why not ask one of them?”

They remained quiet. He finally said, “Okay, I’m bothering you, right?”

I said, “What do you think?” and I left, hearing in the background, “Have a nice night.”

I hate how upset this made me feel. I am a very rational person, but in that moment it was extremely hard for me to stay calm. I felt my heart beating fast in my chest and I literally felt sick to my stomach. I hate being a woman in a patriarchal society. It’s just not fair.

– Natalie

Location: Randalls Food Market

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Find suggestions for what YOU can do about this human rights issue.

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment Tagged With: store harasment, street harassment

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