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“I suppose this is what real female empowerment feels like”

June 27, 2012 By Contributor

It’s not often that I get a sense of compete self-satisfaction and empowerment while attempting to tackle street harassment. The other week, however, my friend and I did.

The two of us were planning the best route to a mutual friend’s flat for a get-together that would allow us to travel as a pair. Funnily enough, this was an attempt to avoid any form of street harassment that we were almost expecting to encounter if travelling separately. Unfortunately, my friend had to get two buses on her own in order to meet me half-way, and guess what?

Hello street harassment!

She had decided to sit on the bottom deck of the bus and had chosen a window seat. Apparently this was an invitation for a creep to choose the empty seat next to her. He then proceeded to move in closer to her, squashing her against the side of the bus. If this was not uncomfortable enough for my friend, he then began verbally intruding on her,

‘Hey? Hey? Hey? Why didn’t you call me back?’

Of course, my friend ignored him. She had never met this man before and made it patently obvious she was uncomfortable through her body language and by not responding to his peculiar questions. This man may have been on drugs due to his odd behaviour, but he had still taken the decision to bother my friend over everyone else on the bus.

My friend carried on ignoring him when he finally said, ‘Have you had the baby yet, you slut?’

And nobody on the bus bothered to step in and defend my friend. Not one bystander told this man to back off. As you can imagine, my friend was incensed. This complete stranger had threatened her sense of safety in public and publicly humiliated her. Her sense of safety is already threatened simply because the notion that as a woman, her choice to be in public will most probably result in some form of normalised and socially accepted gender-based street harassment*. This disgusting creep kindly reinforced that notion for her.

Thankfully, the next bus my friend had to catch was creep-free and I met her on it further along the line.

When we reached our bus stop destination, we began to walk down the street towards our friend’s flat.

Lo-and-behold, there was my friend’s harasser on that very same street. He matched her physical description of him and it made sense he would be in the same area as us due to the bus service my friend had first encountered him on. The most telling sign was that he began verbally accosting her again.

Now I have a very low tolerance for bulls**t, and street harassment bulls**t is one kind of bulls**t I will DEFINITELY NOT tolerate.

I turned round to this utter creep and I told him that was he was doing was street harassment. I told him not to harass women. And I pointed my finger at him like he was a naughty child and managed to keep my voice steady despite wanting to freak out.

And it was a success!

He stopped what he was doing through the shock of being tackled for his inappropriate behaviour and my friend and I walked away.

We checked behind us once more to see if the creep as following us but I spotted him in the same place he was standing where I told him off. The shock must have frozen him! I turned to my friend and said, “I suppose this is what real female empowerment feels like.”

* This also counts for LGBQT individuals.

– Franny

Location: Edinburgh

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

Comments

  1. Sue H says

    June 27, 2012 at 11:35 am

    This story reminded me of one from a blog I read recently, where this woman had gone to a party and early on this guy had just come up and kissed her. He was actually a friend’s brother or something, although she didn’t really know him. He went off and she thought nothing of it, but later on he accompanied her in a group going to the taxi office. He gradually slowed down his pace until just the two of them became separated from the rest, then he took her into an alleyway and raped her.

    The reason this story reminds me of it is that the guy first invaded your friend’s personal space. That’s a way of checking out whether the woman will fight back. Then he talks to her as though he knows her, thus making it look as though they’re a couple in case witnesses are needed. Then he puts her down, making her feel bad. Then he follows her until he can get her on her own and make his attack. If you hadn’t been there I think he would have made the attempt.

    I think your friend needs to know this and I think we all need to have strategies for dealing with this kind of manipulation. The attackers have a strategy so so should we. Mine would be to loudly say when he first started intruding into my space “would you mind not crowding me”, or when he started talking to say “excuse me, I have no idea who you are so please stop talking at me”. Having said this, I am talking about the future here, not the past. I would never suggest that your friend did wrong. She didn’t know how to react, few of us do when these things first happen to us.

    Well done on sticking up for her, you’re a star and I hope you’ll both feel more confident dealing with these horrible guys now.

  2. beckie says

    June 28, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    You go girl!!!

  3. Alan says

    June 30, 2012 at 11:05 am

    bravo to you and your friend!

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SSH will not publish any comment that is offensive or hateful and does not add to a thoughtful discussion of street harassment. Racism, homophobia, transphobia, disabalism, classism, and sexism will not be tolerated. Disclaimer: SSH may use any stories submitted to the blog in future scholarly publications on street harassment.
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