This happened to me when I was on a three hour flight back from Mexico with my mom. I was sitting in the window seat and my mom was sitting right next to me. A family of three was sitting in front of us; a little girl in the window seat right in front of me, her dad in the middle seat, and the wife in the aisle seat.
The ENTIRE flight the dad kept looking back at me from between the seats. When I felt that he was looking at me I would look up from reading my magazine and we would make eye contact and then he’d look away instantly. This happened what seemed like every twenty minutes! I kept thinking to myself, “What the hell am I going to do? If I say something I might make a big deal out of it, but if I don’t I am going to hate myself and regret it later.” I also didn’t say anything to my mom because she didn’t seem to notice what was going on and I didn’t know how to bring it up to her.
Ultimately, I didn’t say anything during the flight. However, when we were in line for the security and customs checkpoint he kept staring and I couldn’t stand it anymore. I said (in Spanish), “Sir, why do you keep staring at me? What do you want? Do you have no shame doing what you’re doing when you with your with your daughter and wife?!” Of course he acted as if I was crazy and that he wasn’t doing anything. The worst part was his wife’s reaction; she looked at me and rolled her eyes! Why the fuck would I lie about something like that and be so upset about it?!!!
During the rest of the time in line he didn’t look at me once. When my mom watched me stand up to him she immediately took my side at said to him in Spanish that he was a shameful person.
Even though I stood up to him, I still felt really crappy afterward. I was upset with myself for letting that guy get to me and for not speaking up sooner. I know it’s not the best way to approach it, but never in my life wished that I had muscles and could beat the living crap out of someone & not get arrested.
– JR
Location: Volaris airplane
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Iris says
You shouldn’t feel bad… people tend to blame women for men’s behavior (eg. the wive’s lack of sympathy for you!) and also call us “crazy” or “too sensitive” whenever we complain about something, but you have every right to stop something that makes you uncomfortable, whatever that is! You didn’t insult the man, you didn’t do anything bad, you simply took care of yourself and that’s fine.
You’ll never see the guy again, but you might just prevent him from doing that to another girl in the future… and that’s also a great reason to speak up. So well done 🙂
Shana says
Addressing aggressive staring is so difficult – I’m glad your mom immediately supported you. Staring feels extremely invasive to me, it makes me feel helpless in a way that men speaking or trying to touch me does not. It’s mostly because responding to being stared at always seems to make me feel crazy and irrational. Most men know that catcalling is inappropriate – they may do it anyway, but the conversation with them about verbal harassment is always structured by this sense of wrongness, even if they won’t admit it. Some men (and women) believe that men have a right to stare at someone they find desirable because “no one is being hurt.” From this perspective, any violation of one’s personal space is not recognized.