Archives for August 2012

I am a student who lives in Brussels and as some might have acknowledged through the movie that was recently made and posted on this blog, street harassment is a common aspect of a woman’s everyday life. We are obliged to learn how to live with it because it is widely spread amongst young men that find it funny addressing to women in any kind of language. This same morning i was approached by a guy in a car who loudly suggested me to come with him and immediately drove away without leaving even the time to tell him how low this type of behaviour is. But we kind of learned to accept it, which is really humiliating, and I wanted to thank all those people who are trying to bring up this issue to media and common sense in order to try to stop this behaviour and give again to women respect and dignity.

Once I was in France, during my erasmus project, and i one night i wanted to attend a party in the opposite part of the city. I decided that walking by night for half an hour wouldn’t have been that safe so I ironically decided to take the metro to arrive at the party. but when i got in the station i realised i was completely alone and after a while a group of 6/7 boys came in and they immediately sat all around me trying to make an attempt. I knew I couldn’t escape nor ignore them cause that would have made them even more aggressive, nor i could stand up for my rights and my respect since they were far too many and there was nobody around. So i played the role of the “crazy in the coconut” girl.

After they asked me a few questions like where was i going or if i had a phone number i started asking them a series of questions without letting them think i was actually interested in going out with them, but stuff like: yeah, my friends are meeting me at the metro stop to go to a party, how about you guys, and hey, are you from here? do you like the city?… i kinda didn’t even let them finish with one answer and asked the following one with fake enthusiasm. The guys who were evidently just trying to annoy me got puzzled from my reaction and they didn’t find it funny anymore but they started getting more and more kind to me until one of them told me: “You know, it was nice meeting you, you’re very charming! have fun tonight!” it was the best move ever and they didn’t try to annoy me anymore, not even in the metro. I understood that sometimes politeness is the only weapon in these limit situations.

My worst experience though happened back in my city in Italy, which i always considered the safest one in the world. It was a saturday evening, after finishing studying in the university library. I was going home for dinner so i got out to the parking where i had left my car. I realised that as soon as i got out there was a guy walking behind me, but since my car was parked 100m from the bus stop i thought he was just going to the stop. In fact there were not so many cars parked at that moment. but when i got to the car i realised there was something wrong because there were no more cars around mine and the guy was going in the opposite direction of the bus stop. But i didn’t pay too much attention, i told myself: you’re paranoid! so i just got in. My car had rear doors aswell so by the moment i ignited the car the guy opened the rear door in an attempt to jump in. Fortunately i was fast enough to accelerate so he had to let go of the handle. i drove 500m down the road with my door opened until i felt safe to stop and close it. My knees were shaking, my heart was pumping hard and i was in flames from terror! I called my dad who took my to the police department to report the fact. On my way to join my dad i spotted the man who with nonchalance was waking towards the bus stop. I have always regretted not telling him from the car that he was very disgusting for attempting to aggress me and that he was a coward but the moment i passed i was too scared! i should have warned the people at the stop and i regret not doing that!

We always have to fight for our dignity, and that i learned after living here in Brussels where some good verbal spanking is always requested!

– Anonymous

Location: Lille, France and Italy

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On most days I find that I get stopped on the street by men. On a few occasions they have been aggressive, threatening and have followed me home. I have always dealt with it, and felt that it was a problem I shared with many woman and have even become accustomed to being particularly cautious and paranoid when I walk anywhere alone. I thought it was normal for woman to feel unsafe when out alone.

However, on my way back from work one day I was approached by a man on roller blades. I had heard him shout from quite a distance away and as usual, ignored it and carried on walking. The man eventually caught up with me and started to ask me questions, he was rude, intrusive and very very threatening. I tried to increase my pace until he eventually stood in front of me so I had no way of ignoring him. I pleaded with him to leave me alone, calmly at first but when I realized there was no way he was going to walk a way I got more desperate and begged him to stop.

Eventually he held back and I thought that It was over until I felt him come up behind me and grab me and start touching me. I was shocked. I screamed at him, “Don’t fucking touch me” and tried to raise alarm, but the one man that heard and saw what was happening walked away faster.

I felt helpless, vulnerable, weak and violated. It was almost as if I could feel his hands on me even after he skated away. I immediately called my parents and waited until I found someone to walk me home and called the police. It is safe to say that I have never felt so vulnerable in my whole life.

The fact that this man maliciously and intentionally touched me because I didn’t want to talk to him made the incident all the more sickening. I feel so angry and resentful; who made it acceptable for men to do this to me or any other woman that they decide is deserving of it?

Until this day, I have never thought twice about street harassment and more importantly I felt that I was never told, as a young girl by my school or by anybody that this is something I should speak out about and report to the police. At the age of only 19, I do not know if I will ever feel safe walking on the streets alone.

– S.L.

Location: Wandsworth Common, London, UK

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem.
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Last night I was heading home with my husband and feeling great: I’d had a productive day in the library, then met my husband in central London for a bite to eat and a few drinks. Being in one of those nice ‘Aah, isn’t life great’ moods, I was snapped out of it pretty abruptly when, going down the escalators at Holborn tube station, one of a group of three guys passing on the up escalator next to us decided to vocalise the simple machinations going on inside his head by simply barking at me “Fit!” (In the UK, ‘fit’ is a pretty commonly used word to refer to someone being attractive.)

Admittedly this isn’t the worst thing that’s ever been shouted at me in public, but the way in which he delivered his little pearl of wisdom riled me more than usual: apart from the fact that it was almost like a Pavlovian response in its ridiculous urgency, it was shouted in such a dead kind of way that made me feel more objectified than ever.

As so often happens with the shock of street harassment, I wasn’t thinking quite fast enough to deliver a measured response, and gave him the finger. My husband, standing directly behind me on the escalator, got angry – as husbands are generally wont to do when some moron starts shouting at their wife – and gave him a rather impassioned, “Fuck you.” He can look pretty mean when he’s angry, and there was a prompt, ‘Oh shit, let’s look the other way and pretend we didn’t do anything’ move from the three guys.

Part of me wanted to dash back up the escalators and confront them, but more than that I felt utterly defeated and upset. I hadn’t been expecting it, generally feeling shielded from street harassment when I’m with my husband in public. The completely unembarrassed way in which these guys exercised their supposed ‘right’ to pass comment on a woman’s appearance in such a way, in front of around 50 other people on the escalators at the time, really got to me. They had purposefully chosen a moment when they knew neither I nor my husband could reasonably retaliate, and didn’t seem at all phased by other tube passengers hearing their stupid verbalisations. By the time we got home, I was in tears, absolutely sick at feeling unsafe and vulnerable in a capital city that, currently hosting the Olympics, wants to pride itself on its friendliness.

The only saving grace of the whole thing was the woman of a couple standing behind us on the escalator. Far from shaking her head at the two people swearing at the tops of their voices in front of her (and, no, it’s not a great response, but a somewhat automatic one), she leaned in to sympathise with us, saying that the men had ‘no respect’. This is the first time that I have ever, after many street harassment incidents in London, had any sympathy or back-up from a bystander, and it meant a lot. Please, please, voice your support to other women in these situations – I still felt defeated, but I didn’t feel quite as alone.

– Jen

Location: Holborn tube station, London

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem.
Find suggestions for what YOU can do about this human rights issue.