This is not a specific story. I just wanted to say thank you for this blog, it has helped me so much to read the stories and the tips for how to deal with street harassment. I can not even start to count how many times I’ve been harassed in public – called to, asked rude questions, being followed, grabbed, molested, more than once masturbated at, getting dry humped, everything by men I didn’t know.
I never said anything, I am shy and I was scared, surprised that this would even happen to me, not knowing what to say. I always just did my best to ignore them, and walked away. And I also thought that this was somehow a good strategy, that it was safest, that maybe all they wanted was to provoke and get some kind of response, and that it would be better to just leave it all. I have accepted that this is something that happens a lot, and that there is nothing I can do to change it.
Then I read other stories and that (unless it seems unsafe) you should say something back and show them that it is not ok.
And it is true.
Since I met my girlfriend, it’s different when we are out together. We do get harassed for being lesbians, but I still get the comments directed only to me (she never gets street harassed, I really don’t know why it’s such a difference), and she is always calling them out on it, for us and for me. It feels so good when she does that, to see their jeers wiped away from their faces.
I still have to get up the courage to be able to do this myself, but I do because I know now, that just being quiet and walking away is not the best option for me. I stood up and told a man he had crossed the line in a subway recently, when he asked if, “I didn’t just dream about cock.”
I can’t begin to say how great it is with initiatives like these. Thank you for helping me finally be able to say no.
– Anonymous
Sue H says
It’s great that you’ve been able to stand up for yourself now and all cudos to you for taking that first step. As you do it more you’ll get better and more confident at it.
There’s a quote from somewhere (I have no idea where) that says to say what you have to even if your voice shakes. What this means to me is that it doesn’t matter if what you say doesn’t make total sense or if your voice shakes or if you say something you later regret – simply that you’ve said something is what counts. The calling the person out is what matters regardless of how you do it (with obvious exceptions like stabbing the dude!)
It’s up to you when and if and how you do this, though. If you don’t do it please don’t feel guilty about it. Keep yourself safe in whatever way seems right to you at the time and have fun giving as good as you get when you’re ready to do that.