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Archives for November 2012

Invisible No More: A Day to Eliminate Violence Against Women

November 25, 2012 By HKearl

Today is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women and the start of 16 Days of Activism Against Gender Violence. The theme this year focuses on the intersections of gender-based violence and militarism.

Did you know, militarism and street harassment are connected? Public spaces become extra unsafe for women in times of war and military occupation. Rape is a common weapon of war and just leaving one’s house or the refugee camp increases the chances of that kind of attack – or at the very least, increases the chances of being harassed.

Also, a new study shows that the overall status of women decreases in countries with high militarism. Soraya Chemaly wrote about it for Women Under Siege:

“Gender is the fundamental construct for how a society understands difference. Regardless of which state we are talking about, tolerance for street harassment, rape, domestic violence, and restrictions on reproductive freedom are among several indicators of gender inequality rooted in such difference. These behaviors correlate to state security in multiple dimensions. In the simplest terms, states in which women are subjected to violence and uncontested male rule at home, where they are not allowed equal freedoms and rights to bodily integrity, privacy, and equal protection under the law, are those most likely to engage in violence as nations, the authors report. Microaggression against women in private connects to macroaggressive national behavior. The larger a nation’s gender gap in equality between men and women or the more violently patriarchal their structures, the greater the likelihood that a nation will resort to force and violence in the form of aggressive nationalism.”

The US is not immune. In my day job as a program manager at AAUW, I’ve had the honor of meeting and working with brave American military veterans – and their lawyer – who are speaking out against rampant military sexual assault, suing the military for doing very little about it, and put their personal lives on the big screen so a wider audience could understand the issues. The Invisible War documentary is available for rent through Netflix and I highly recommend watching it. If you live in the US, you can also write to your congressperson, asking them to support legislation that would better address military sexual assault.

I always think about how if 20 percent of women in the military are sexual assaulted and raped by their own “brothers”/comrades, how many women in occupied lands, how many women who are the “enemies” are raped? This is an American disgrace. It’s criminal. It must stop.

Visit the sites of Women Under Siege, Stop Rape in Conflict, and Invisible No More for more information about the issues and how you can become involved.

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Filed Under: 16 days

“What if it keeps happening?”

November 24, 2012 By Contributor

I was walking with my mom and a man approached us. He said, “Hey, beautiful,” and asked if I had a boyfriend. He continued to make other comments and we walked away. I felt I should have said something to defend myself but I didn’t. I feel so angry inside because I should have said something to make him stop. How can I show him manners? What if it keeps happening? How do I make it stop? Now I feel like hurting him. I want to find him. Show him manners. It keeps bothering me. Why didn’t I do something? I feel so angry inside.

– Anonymous

Location: Brooklyn, New York

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

A Letter to My Harasser

November 23, 2012 By Contributor

Hello Sir,

I do not know your name, but you passed by me a week after Eid-ul-Fetr in the Bazaar in Kabul, Afghanistan. You might remember me. I was the young woman wearing a white scarf and a long red embroidered tunic with dark pants. I was standing by a vegetable stand and bargaining the price of fresh mint when you passed me and nonchalantly pinched my bottom. I turned red. The old man who was selling vegetables noticed but didn’t say anything. He probably sees this every day. This had happened to me more than once, but this time I felt more embarrassed because the old man noticed.

I ran after you and grasped your wrist. Scared and sweating I started yelling. “Why did you do that? How dare you? Do you do this at home to your family members too?” and you started yelling back louder, “you crazy woman! I haven’t done anything. You are not worth doing anything to.”

I was still ashamed to tell people what you had done. You probably remember how everyone was watching us. Other women advised me to keep calm that this would only ruin my reputation, but I wasn’t going to give up now. I started yelling. Soon the police arrived and took us both to the station.

A tall man in uniform asked me what had happened. I told him. You opened your mouth and the police officer yelled, “You, shut up!” Next thing I knew he was beating you. You were on the floor and he was kicking you with his gigantic shoes. Sweat was dripping off his thick eyebrows. He must have been as angry as I was.

I didn’t see you again, but the friend who was walking with you followed me all the way home. He told me, “what is the big deal?! It is not like he f***ked you.” But I was too tired for a second fight that day.

You and your friend probably both claim to be Muslims. You probably even pray at the mosque every Friday or more often. You probably tell your wives that they should not get out of the house because the world out there is filled with horrible men who will disgrace them. You probably even believe that you had a right to touching my bottom because you think a “good” woman would never be out on the streets without a man. Your sisters are “good.” They stay at home when you pressure them to. If I were a “good woman” I would do the same. These streets belong to men.

I am writing this letter to tell you that I never intended for you to get beaten and humiliated, but I am not sorry for speaking out. I am writing to tell you that I know what you are up to. You want to threaten me, scare me, and keep me shut at home where I will learn to tend to many children and cook food for your kind and be submissive to a man that might someday marry me. You want me to be terrified of the world outside and not find my way and my place in it. You want me to believe that the only safe and “decent” place for me is in the kitchen and the bedroom. But I am writing you to tell you that I am not buying that ever again. Not you, not the Taliban, not this government, not my brother or mother, nor anybody else can convince me that I am less than a man, that I cannot protect myself, that I cannot be what I want to, and that the best life for me is in a “safe” kitchen where a man or a mother-in-law has control over my every move. I am not buying that. Not ever again.

I will come out of the home every day and walk bravely down the streets of my city, not because I need to, but because I can and neither your harassment or sexual assault nor an oppressive government will ever be able to take that ability from me again.

With Defiance,

A Woman You Harassed

(By: Noorjahan Akbar, co-founder of Young Women for Change)

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

Butt grabbing is not an offense in Austria!

November 23, 2012 By HKearl

A few weeks ago, a 43-old-woman was waiting to cross the street in Graz, Austria, when a man came up to her and said, “Wow, a woman with a fantastic arse, can I touch it?”

She said no, but he ignored her and grabbed her anyway.

Mad, the woman slapped him, then ran when he began chasing her and threatening her, saying he would not accept “being hit by a woman.” The police showed up and intervened, and the woman pressed charges of sexual assault.

However, this week, the local prosecutor Hansjörg Bacher dropped the charges “because the conditions that needed to be met had not been fulfilled.”

He said, “The incident itself needs to involve physical contact with sexual parts, simply touching the woman on the bottom does not qualify as sexual harassment. That would not have been the case if he had for example grabbed her breasts or touched her improperly in the sexual region.”

The woman said the decision by prosecutors was a second insult completely incomprehensible. She said that she had had to get counselling after the very public assault by the man and is demanding they reconsider the decision.”

What a horrible decision – the law needs to be updated, but good for the woman for speaking out and fighting back.

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Filed Under: News stories, Stories, street harassment

Share your story about stopping a street harasser!

November 23, 2012 By HKearl

Have you ever shut up or confused a street harasser, gotten an apology from one, or successfully reported one?

Then I want to hear your story! Please fill out this form.

Your story may be included in a forthcoming book featuring 50 empowering stories about stopping a street harasser.

Please also email a photo of yourself (any kind, but please send the highest resolution you have) to go along with the story and send it to StopStreetHarassment AT yahoo D O T com.

 

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Filed Under: street harassment

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