Stop Street Harassment

Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming

Archives for January 2013

“That was the point that I began to dislike…being in a crowd with men”

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I was quite young, perhaps around 7 or 8 years old (not entirely sure). My parents and I had gone to a famous temple in South India (could have been Guruvayur, or possibly Tirupati). There were throngs of people in the temple, as it was during some festival or other. We were all waiting for the sanctum to be opened, I guess, and the moment the priests opened the doors, there was a great surge of people moving forward and I got separated from my parents by a middle-aged man wearing the garb of a devotee who came between me and them. He got his hand between my legs and squeezed painfully, all the while chanting the praise of God, pretending that he wasn’t doing what he was doing. I didn’t like it but I didn’t know why, and I couldn’t squirm away because I was hemmed in.

Finally I cried out for my dad, partly because I was afraid of being lost and partly because I thought it would make the man stop – and luckily it did. I didn’t tell my parents anything because I didn’t know how to express it, because I was afraid I’d done something wrong… even when I didn’t know what that wrong was. I think that was the point that I began to dislike going to the temple, and being in a crowd with men.

– Shammi Edwards

Location: South India

 

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Resources for Talking with Boys about Gender Violence

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Trigger Warning.

With the world still reeling from the brutal gang-rape and murder of the young woman in India by six men, and with the United States divided over the rape in Steubenville, Ohio, allegedly perpetrated by two high school football players and then laughed about by other male students, the time to talk to boys about being respectful and nonviolent is NOW.

In direct response to the Steubenville incident, Chris Menning, the Editor of ModernPrimate.com, created this passionate video about rape culture. He asks: “Is it possible that these boys didn’t question what they were doing because of the attitudes of their role models in school and society as a whole? Furthermore, can pre-emptively teaching them not to be creepy also teach them not to commit rape?”

I do think conversations about healthy masculinity and consent are important, as are conversations about entitlement (someone who is trying to look attractive isn’t necessarily doing it for YOU and if you see someone too drunk to talk coherently, it’s not your right to harm them) and how not to be a creeper. I also think the earlier adults have these conversations with boys the better.

Here are a just five examples of relevant programs and resources that parents, teachers, coaches, and other adults who work with youth or can be a good influence on them can use.

1. Men Can Stop Rape‘s youth development program, the Men of Strength Club, is the country’s premier primary violence prevention program for mobilizing young men to prevent sexual and dating violence.

2. The Futures Without Violence program Coaching Boys into Men (CBIM) provides men with a playbook/toolkit they can use to talk with boys about street harassment, domestic violence, and sexual violence.

3. The International Center for Research on Women (ICRW)’s Parivartan program teaches boys in India about healthy masculinity, respect for girls/women, and anti-violence through the unifying sport of cricket.

4. Roger’s Park Young Women’s Action Team compiled their work on addressing gender violence with boys in the Where Our Boys At? A Toolkit for Engaging Young Men as Allies to End Violence.

5. Jake Winn, a Peace Corps volunteer and a youth development facilitator in northern Azerbaijan helped his male students make an Anti-Street Harassment video. The title, “Ay Gardash! Kishi Ol!”, can be translated to, ‘Hey man, be a gentleman!” He also developed a companion lesson plan:  Street Harassment Lesson Plan (English) | Street Harassment Lesson Plan (Azerbaijani)

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“When you stare at women like that it makes you look like a creep”

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As soon as I got on this bus I could see this guy on the bottom deck leering and looking me up and down as I walked past him to sit at the back. I figured I was only going a very short way so wouldn’t sit elsewhere just to avoid him, but in that short time he continually craned his neck round to stare and leer at me, wanting me to know exactly what he was doing and enjoying making me feel uncomfortable.

When I had to get off I said as I walked past, “When you stare at women like that it makes you look like a creep.” I was expecting him to be abusive back (he had that aura about him where you can usually predict it), but it was still surprising how angry he instantly got. These are the bits of his speech that I can remember (there was much more…): “I wasn’t fucking looking at you – I was looking at her [indicating a girl sat directly behind him and out of his line of vision]. You’re fucking butter! [whatever THAT means] Fucking four eyes – you think it’s Halloween or something? [whilst I used to hear this line when I was a teenage goth, I think it’s the first time I’ve had it simply for having glasses!] You’re fucking butter! Think I’d look at you? Ugh!”

I laughed at his Halloween comment, told him whoever he was looking at he was still a creep (notice he didn’t even deny gawping at women), and loudly told him to “Stop harassing women” as I stepped off the bus and walked away. The bus would usually come past me to its next stop, but it didn’t, so I wonder if the driver was remonstrating with him for his pleasant little outburst. I don’t know – I didn’t look back 🙂

Less than a minute after I’d got off the bus. I picked up an Evening Standard and one of the main stories in there was about the rapper Dappy spitting and swearnig at two girls when they ignored his advances (for which he was in court). This behaviour is so common, it’s almost a cliche.

Did I have to say anything? No. But I am getting sick to death of being intimidated in my daily life by people like this. I was catching the bus after leaving the gym – I go to a women-only gym that’s not in the most convenient of locations anyway, rather than exercise outdoors or in a mixed gym, and I refuse to feel like I also can’t do that because of these creeps.

– Jen

Location: London, 38 bus to Victoria

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San Francisco Woman Stabbed for Rejecting Harasser

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A woman walking through the Tenderloin neighborhood of San Francisco two nights ago was approached by a man who made sexually explicit comments/propositioned her. She rejected him and in response, he slashed her face and stabbed her in the arm! She escaped and called the police and she’s being treated for her injuries at a hospital. Thankfully, her life is not in danger.

Police report: “The suspect, who remains at large, was described as a black man between 30 and 45 years old who is about 5 feet 7 inches tall and weighs roughly 190 pounds. He is bald and was last seen wearing a black T-shirt and faded blue jeans, possibly with “FUBU” on the pants. Anyone with information about the attack is encouraged to call the Police Department’s anonymous tip line at (415) 575-4444 or to send a tip by text message to TIP411.”

Street harassment is a form of sexual terrorism because we never know when it might happen, by whom, or how far it may escalate.

Women never know which of the guys who make sexually explicit comments are the ones who will leave us alone/stop harassing us if we tell them to stop and which guys will become violent and physically hurt us.

Some men who are harassers will justify their behavior by saying things like, “Most women like it, they smile at me or say thank you.”

A thank you or a smile doesn’t mean women like what’s happening; more often, it means they’re trying to stay safe in a potentially unsafe situation by appeasing their harasser, hoping he won’t escalate or lash out.

Because individuals never know what a harasser may do, it is really hard to know how to respond. Practicing a range of responses is the best suggestion I can give and in the moment of harassment, hopefully one of the responses will work and feel empowering.

I think that organizing community responses, being active bystanders, and raising men’s awareness about street harassment are tactics that are going to create the most lasting change while also keeping women safe.

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