Archives for March 2013

By Saniya Mujahid Ali, SSH Correspondent

In Pakistan, it is a funny concept, harassment. It’s a daily hazard, just like for any woman out there. Sometimes our male relatives get to witness it on the street and then intervene. Sometimes women get phone calls from strangers in the middle of the night and choose to ignore them. But a lot of times, these women get messages online.

Women in Pakistan who have online social profiles are highly prone to get unsolicited attention from unknown males who spam every other profile they see with the online version of love letters. Their content ranges from seemingly harmless flirtation to sexually explicit material. Their frequency? Well, you stop keeping count after the first few times. It is much more than a mere nuisance. This is harassment. Oddly enough, this is one area no one here ever explicitly calls harassment. They’ve given a much nicer cushion to it.

We term them “frandshippers”, owing to the oft incorrectly spelt and overused word in these messages. Facebook, of course, is the most glaring platform through which these “frandshippers” stalk their prey. Less common, however, is the use of professional online networks. Or so I thought.

A few weeks ago, I was checking my mail and spotted a notification mail from my LinkedIn network. It was a message from a contact I recently added. I am not quite active on it so I was a little surprised.

I opened it, and was shocked with the very first sentence I read: “after a rigorously brief overview of your profile, I wanted to let you know I have already married and divorced you in my mind”.

He went on and thanked me for “all the wonderful imaginary memories” and telling that I “can keep the house in Hawaii” but that he was “going to need half our money according to our prenup” and signed off with “you will always have a special place in my heart. Your ex-hubby”.

I sat immobilized while I tried to comprehend what an employee of a respectable multinational development organization, a person with several hundred professional connections and an alumnus of my university had just said.

What is this? Is he flirting? Is he trying to be funny? Is this his idea of a joke?

I was disgusted.  I felt humiliated. And I was furious.

This man was discounting my professional and academic achievements in order to make a wisecrack about me being his discardable object. All I had done, all I was proud of was washed aside because his view of a woman confined me to the role of a being made to service him. The nature of his message tells me that he had no interest in seeing me as a respectable professional, but as someone who was subject to his sexist whims.

Is that all women are even to these seemingly professional men? How is this not considered harassment here? Why can’t I do something about this? I have his information, I have evidence, yet I can’t do anything that can convey to him what his message made me feel. I felt helpless and furious at myself.

About everyone I talk to says that sexist attitudes, harassment and gender related crimes are due to the fact that the men here are uneducated. There was a time when I subscribed to this idea as well. Education is the miracle drug. Education this, education that. Education will save us all!

With a population comprising of 55% illiterates and increasing, it may seem like a probable proposition.  It did. But then I realized the problem with it.

What is this “education” that they’re talking about? In the conversations I’ve had, by implication they mean formal education. But what does that mean? So a person, man or woman, will magically become unprejudiced if he or she has a degree? Is that all you need? This man, despite his “education,” his work experience, had still stooped to “frandshipping” me online. My being had been distilled to nothing more than a disposable sexual object. He didn’t even see me as worthy of his respect.

What I wish to impress upon people is that the relation isn’t as simple, as one dimensional as people make it out to be in Pakistan. For one, an educated man is no guarantee to a non-sexist one. Second, it seems a very convenient way to not do anything about it and let the problem ride itself out. Here’s the thing: it won’t.

We can’t just sit around and wait for things to happen in due course.  There has to be constant engagement, a conscious effort in recognizing the patriarchal ideas that we are bombarded with every single day. We need to be able to identify the underlying bias and sexism and proactively fight against it. We need action. We need resistance. And the time is now.

I am a woman and I demand to be seen with the respect a human deserves. I refuse to be “frandshipped.”

Saniya is pursuing an undergraduate degree in Sociology and Anthropology. You can read more of her work here.

By: Talia Weisberg, SSH Correspondent

My name is not Baby. I have not been an infant for about 17 years, and my preschool days happened long ago. I am not an immobile, helpless being incapable of taking care of myself, dependent on others to ensure that my basic needs are met. I am, if not a grown woman, getting to be a young adult. Certainly not a baby.

My name is not Shorty. Yes, I am a mere 4”11, and I have always been happy to be a short person. However, my height or the pride I take in it does not determine what nickname I go by. Even if it did, you are a stranger, and have no right to be so familiar with me.

My name is not Bitch. The last time I checked, I was human, not canine. And while I may exhibit aggressive behavior upon occasion, I don’t think I can be categorized as “a malicious, spiteful, or overbearing woman” (as defined by Merriam Webster).

My name is not Smile For Me. Why should I smile for you? What right do you have over my expression of my own emotions? If I’m having a really crappy day, why should I smile to make you feel satisfied? Even if I’m having the best day of my life, I’m not going to smile simply because you want me to. My lips, my teeth, my feelings. My decision to do what I want with them.

My name is not Sexy. I am flattered that my physical appearance appeals to you, but please, find a non-threatening way to express your interest, if you must articulate it at all.

My name is Talia. It’s a name that means a lot to me, since I’m named after my grandfather. He passed away about seven years before my birth, and it was really important to my mother to memorialize her cherished father through her child. Since his name was Naftali, she feminized it into Talia. That is my name, and I invite you to call me by it.

My name is not Baby or Shorty or Bitch or Smile For Me or Sexy. And for the record, neither is any other woman’s.

Talia Weisberg is a Harvard-bound feminist hoping to concentrate in Studies of Women, Gender, and Sexuality. Her work has appeared in over 40 publications and she runs the blog Star of Davida blog (starofdavida.blogspot.com).

By ProChange member Hanna, SSH Correspondents

For better understanding of this post, German television is divided in public and private channels. The private channels are financed by adverts and the public ones by GEZ- fees. The public ones have the task by law to inform and educate.

Some weeks ago we drew up a petition on openpetion.de : “For our GEZ- fees: Our demands regarding the sexism debate.” After some time we united with initiators of another petition on change.org : “public and private channels: start to clear up the topic of sexism in our society in an appropriate way!”

The reason: We have the same aim and we want to give our demands more voice.

More than 1800 people signed by now to request the public TV channels to report and inform about the sexism in our society in an adequate manner. We will contact the directors and the television council as well to ask them for a statement. But we will not take down our petition so it can still be signed.

Our petition to the public channels:

For our GEZ- fees:

Public channels: Start to clear up the topic of sexism in our society in an appropriate way!!

After a journalist dared to speak in public about her experiences of sexual harassment causing more than 60.000 women to comment on twitter under the topic “aufschrei” , the daily sexism in Germany was in focus of media for several days. There are many reports and discussions on sexism and the reactions on “ aufschrei” also shows that we were in need of this debate.

BUT the way TV channels coped with this sensitive topic was horrible and simply inappropriate. It is not acceptable to handle this topic in such an uninformed manner.

There was kidding, joking, aspects were played down or were said to be unimportant. Facts were turned or neglected. It was more like entertaining and pleasing the audience.

But we missed good reports taking into account the importance of this sensitive topic.

The TV shows were not suitable for the task of the public channels to inform and educate. The result: sexism and sexual harassement still seem to be tolerated. The behavior of offenders seems to be accepted and they can go on like before.

Many people (more than 58% of woman , that is about a quarter of the population) suffer from the daily sexism in our society.

It is about sexual harassment and sexual violence. But that is not the only point. It is about structures of society. Structures that permit that half of the population is not taken fully serious. Structures that allow that this half of society is not paid equally. Structures that allow that these people are rather seen as objects of sexual desire than human beings. Structures that seem to be that fixed in society that the only argument counting seems to be “ women and men are like this. Nothing will ever change that. “

That is sexism.

People should be informed about that.

In an adequate way.

Dear public channels, That is your task. Your task is to inform and educate.

Then inform and educate! Inform and educate in an appropriate way. Question, break structures, present backgrounds and developments.

If there is a lack of knowledge: Invite experts. But true experts! And let them share their knowledge.

We are citizens paying GEZ-fees for that shows. Some cities already started to take judicial steps against the new GEZ-fee model. If we do not feel represented in public programms we will have to refuse paying our fees as well.

Stop joking about people that suffer enough from daily sexism. Do not make them feel small!!

Inform in an adequate manner about sexism in our society.

Our demand for our GEZ-fees:

• We request the director as well as the TV councils of public channels to comment on sexist contents in their programs

• We demand the public channels to fulfill their official task to inform and educate, also on sexism (e.g. about the contexts of sexism, street harassment, sexual harassment and sexual violence)

• We demand to invite experts (who get enough time to mention facts!)

• We demand sufficient research (no uninformed presentations)

• We demand respect for the affected women (no joking, and making them appear ridiculous)

• We demand not to blame victims for sexism

• We demand to present women and men as equal in all programs and to avoid sexist content

If you support our demands, please distribute this petition. Every further person to sign, is a step to success.

The German-based group ProChange is comprised of women from Dortmund who are activists for women’s rights.