I was on the bus, when a boy behind me started to say obscenities about a who he thought was ugly.
“Ugh, she’s so fat! Whale!”
“You know I love her, really, with a hairy p****.”
“So ugly! Put a bag on her head!”
“Look at her hair, I mean, really, look at it! What is that?”
My pulse immediately quickened, as it always does when I hear someone insulting someone, or even laughing, because always feel like it’s about me. I tried to tell myself that not everyone hates me, and that he was probably talking about someone else. Some one who had wronged him. Someone who he actually knew.
His friends said, “Ah man, that’s rude. Stop it.” But that didn’t stop them from laughing.
The more filth that spewed from his mouth, the more uneasy I grew. Other passengers turned around to look at me. He definitely was talking about me. But why?
I hadn’t done anything to him. I’d never even laid eyes on him before. What could make someone want to attack a total stranger who was minding her own business.
Whatever it was, its made me realize why I don’t feel comfortable outside of my house; Why I’m so painfully shy, I can’t speak to someone I don’t know, without breaking out into a sweat; And why I always feel like the ugliest girl in the world.
– Anonymous
Location: Kent, UK
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Anon says
I’m walking toward the university through a public park. “Oh, God she’s so ugly! (laughter)”; “Look at her face!” (scurrying).
Objectively; I am a healthy BMI; I am clean and have good hair, teeth and skin. I’m affluent, dress appropriately and wear a good quality suit. However, going out into public is a daily problem. How can anyone endure such common harassment and not harbour contempt (or something worse)? I mention this because some of you might be thinking ‘loose weight’ or ‘dress differently’ or ‘get surgery’ – yet there really is little I can do; and frankly little I (or anyone else) ought to feel obliged to do.
I am conventionally unattractive (my mother calls my appearance as ‘unusual’; my aunt ‘distinctive looking’) and there have been many instances where others think this is apparent and have felt inclined to let me know in less-than-helpful ways.
It is important to appreciate that harassment can happen outright but it also happens through ‘micro-aggressions’.
Either people call me ‘ugly’ (usually followed by an additional profanity – as in, three days ago when I was at a cash-point) or they simply refuse to acknowledge my existence (letting the door go in my face, turning away from me when I’ve been waiting to be served for five minutes and then serving someone else; etc). People have even thrown things at me, though usually people just stare. (The most memorable incident last year involved being surrounded by a group of men [in broad daylight and in a pleasant local area]. They walked over and one spat on the floor in front if me. The ring leader told me that as an ugly woman I was worthless; that they ‘could do what [they] wanted’ because ‘it’s a man’s world.’ Fearing for my safety, I pretended to be Eastern European and struggled with English, maintaining a neutral facial expression. This closed the gap of ‘otherness’ that they were trying to impose and fortunately, the psychological method worked. They became more agreeable and let me go.)
What truly shocks me, is not that people can be a** holes or that statistically, someone you encounter on the street will be having a bad day; but the fact no one says anything; no one calls them on it…and when you do…you have a triggered crowd, all telling you how you’re wrong to speak out on behalf of someone else.
I’ve been considering gender-reassignment for a few years now in an attempt to escape this prevalent prejudice. Unfortunately, I have a very feminine [hour-glass] figure and can’t pass for a man easily, although when I do try to pass, I do get more respect and less harassment. I simply want to be a valid human being.