Stop Street Harassment

Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming

Archives for May 2013

USA: You’re Becoming a Woman

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By Sean Crosbie, SSH Correspondent

Feminist men sometimes face an uphill battle to legitimize themselves in the face of their male counterparts. I was reminded of an experience during International Anti-Street Harassment week. One of the most exciting online activities during the week was a series of Tweet Chats, which created a place for concerned activists and organizations to discuss issues pertinent to street harassment. During the chat about male allies, I shared an experience in which a “friend” chastised me for becoming “more of a woman” because of my interest in women’s rights. I received supportive feedback and was heartened to see Men Can Stop Rape’s  response: “Sad b/c gender equality, gender-based violence are still seen as ‘women’s issues.’ Well u just helped change that perception.”

I agree that the comment was sad, but it also shows a skewed perception that perpetuates the culture of street harassment. Since women’s issues are constantly maligned in this fashion by the hyper-masculine power structure, issues such as street harassment are seen as trivial. The media and popular culture instill images of catcalling as romantic and playful, which sheds a positive light on these degrading acts.

There is an element of fear contained in the comment that is very common in the dismissal of women’s issues. Whenever you chip away at a structure that has defined a society for millennia, those in power are going to fight back with fear and intimidation. Conventional wisdom holds that as women gain a higher role in society, there will be fewer chances for men to get ahead and hold their traditional positions in society. If some men decide to break rank and support the “other side,” they will face emasculation or worse.

This group-think mentality among some men creates a huge barrier to the acceptance of male allies. It is time to end the notion that men cannot play a role in feminism, as there have been male allies of feminist movements since the time of suffrage. One of the ways to alleviate these archaic notions is by educating men and boys about feminism and offering positive reinforcement for respecting women. Men and boys need to break with the hyper-masculine collective mentality that creates attitudes that normalize street harassment and diminish the efforts of those who fight against it.

Sean has written for Stop Street Harassment since April 2011.  He is a library/research assistant at a labor union in Washington, D.C. and holds a Bachelor’s degree in economics from American University.

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“Something like this happens daily in Barbados”

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I live in Barbados and traveled through the Caribbean with a friend. Everywhere we went, catcalls, whistling, and lewd comments followed us. We tried not to let it bother us but after two weeks of this, I’d had enough.

Upon returning to Barbados, when we were on our way to a bar, a group of men stood near a corner. One of them leered “hey babes, which one of you is the nice one?”. We ignored him. On our way back, two hours later, the same man once again said “so which one of you is the nice one?”.

I don’t know what part made me angriest. That he assumed that my friend and I were either desperate or skanky enough to be picked up off the street. That he didn’t even bother using a new degenerate comment. That he had the audacity to think we would be anything but disgusted.

At that moment I did something that I had never, ever done before. I screamed, “PISS OFF!” at him. His response was to be outraged at my reaction and calling me a “bitch”.

I am a calm person who doesn’t seek open confrontation. That someone as lecherous and unworthy as this man could make me act so out of my character makes me sad.

Something like this happens daily in Barbados (and in the Caribbean in general).

– Anonymous

Location: Barbados

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“Handling my response in a civilized way”

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Sometimes I respond to a street harassment incident in anger, sometimes with humor and a whole lot of sass. However, recently I’ve started handing handwritten notes to cat-callers in which I try to come from a positive, uplifting angle. I simply hand it to them and walk away, feeling good about handling my response in a civilized way and still “speaking my mind.” Here’s an example of my feelings in this letter:

Dear Friend,

I am a human being just like you.  I have a family and work very hard, struggling to support myself.  I am a teacher and work very hard to raise conscious, respectful, and kind children, who are the hope for our next generation.  I do not deserve to be cat called (street harassed) by you.  It is disrespectful and no person deserves it.  I hope one day you will learn that respect for all the people of the earth is the only way we can grow and evolve as a community and a human family.

Animals react with instincts.  They often do not think with a higher brain, they just do what they want; they do what their bodies tell them.  Humans are different than animals because they have the ability to control their actions and make more conscious decisions.  We are more evolved.  Without respect, self control,  and without forethought, we are simply just animals.

I hope that you will do your part and remember that you are capable of rising above the behavior that you just showed me. You may think that it’s not a big deal, but it is a huge deal.  You can be a better human being than that.  You are not an animal who just reacts without thinking and without using your highly developed brain.  The minerals and compounds in your body are remnants from stars that collided with our planet billions of years ago.  Your mind, spirit, and actions can be used for goodness, respect, kindness, and mindfulness.  You are important, precious, and unique to the world. Do not underestimate your power to rise above!

Help change our world.  Most people in our world have been overcome with a deep and deluded sickness of not caring, of not thinking, and reacting with a “lower brain.” Blindness to the suffering of others is a disease that we need to overcome.  Do the right, human thing.  Disrespecting women by calling out to them on the street is not a human thing to do.  It is not using your “higher brain.” I am confident that you can and will realize this someday, because you are human, and I believe that you are capable of “having a heart” and being the evolved being that you truly are.

Blessings, respect, and honor to you Friend.  Good luck on your journey and may you bring happiness and good, positive things to others in your lifetime.

Life is short – live well, and lead with love and care.

Humbly and With Deep Respect,
Your Sister in Humanity

– Alodiah in San Francisco, CA

 

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“Why don’t you get in the car and I’ll show you a good time”

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I have been living in Brussels for over five years. I initially moved there because the university I attended was situated there. After I got my degree, I decided to stay because it was close to work and I liked the atmosphere. I have always loved Brussels but this started to change around two years ago.

Brussels is dealing with a lot of immigrants from North-Africa that are unemployed and spend their days outside on the street or in tearooms. My story has nothing to do with racism, but rather with a misogynistic mentality and a country in crisis that doesn’t want to deal with it’s problems. For a lot of women like myself, it’s almost impossible to walk the streets alone, unless she enjoys men following her in little groups, whispering degrading things in her ear, being spit on when she talks back, or how about the casual push on the tram or subway and last but not least being called a slut or a whore on a daily basis.

This no joke. It has come to a point where I’m afraid to walk around by myself, I don’t even want to do my grocery shopping alone, I feel trapped in my own apartment because from the moment you open that front door the name calling begins.

I catch myself spending a lot of time deciding what to wear the next day so they wouldn’t notice me. Not only is it sad that I have to adjust my outfit because they can’t handle the view of a female body but a lot of the time It doesn’t even matter!!! You can wear a potato bag and still get comments. It’s an awful feeling that you can’t wear what you want because you’re afraid you might be harassed. I always wear long, wide coats so they can hardly tell how my figure looks like, even in summer I’m afraid to wear a t-shirt that isn’t long enough to cover my bottom. Since I have long hair, I try to put my hair up so I don’t draw to much attention. You’re probably thinking that I think of myself as the most attractive girl that walks the streets of Brussels and that I have to cover up in order to protect myself. I’m afraid to tell you that for a lot of women here this is daily reality.

Last week I was obligated to take the bus home. I was waiting at the bus stop when three guys in car suddenly stopped beside me. One of the guys started yelling obscenities at me like, “Why don’t you get in the car and I’ll show you a good time at my place.”

I eventually ignored it, but soon the insults started to be thrown around. When I told him to go **** himself, he yelled at me for being a filthy whore, that he was gonna beat the hell out of me the next time he crosses me. At that point, the bus arrived and I quickly got on.

Situations like this happens on a weekly basis. Being called a whore or a slut, is already part of my daily walk to work. What bothers me is that no one ever helps or stands up for you. No woman deserves to be treated this way.

I don’t know what to do and I’m counting the days until I can move away from this sick and offensive place.

Thank you for reading,

– Anonymous

Location: Brussels, Belgium

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