I am a 20-something year old, living in beautiful Vancouver, which does not seem so beautiful anymore.
Happened to me just yesterday. Me and two of my girlfriends were going to go shopping and then meet up with some more friends for dinner that evening. So I put on my favourite shirt, which is pretty long and fully covers my bum, and wore white shorts underneath.
It was around 4 p.m., in a broad daylight, and we just got off the bus in downtown. And it happened when the three of us were crossing towards the shopping mall. There were two guys walking past me, and all of a sudden, one of the two guys that were passing me by slapped my bum and strode away as if nothing had happened. It happened so fast, I was speechless and in shock for good 5 seconds. When I quickly turned around, they were already indistinguishable from the crowd. I didn’t even get to see their goddamn faces. It’s funny how nobody around me noticed.
I felt extremely violated, humiliated, and terrified. But what shocked me even more was my friends’ reaction. When I told the girls what just happened, one of them said, “Oh really? Wow, he was fast! Haha, but don’t worry, they probably did that ’cause they know they can’t get any.”
Her exact words. These girls didn’t seem to understand what ‘harassment’ even meant. They spoke of it as just some kind of unusual way of complimenting me. All I was expecting was a simple ‘Are you okay? What an asshole!’ But not even once did they ask if I was alright.
And when I told her that no, I’m not okay, and I have a sudden urge to murder whoever just did that, she responded, smiling, “Haha.. kay, stop. That’s enough.”
That’s enough? What’s enough? To say that I felt betrayed would be an understatement. I was already blaming myself for not immediately chasing after those men to at least say something. But on top of that, to have my “friends” say to me that I should just stop recalling the incident and stop dwelling on it, that really broke me.
That whole evening I don’t know how I kept my composure. I thought about going home multiple times throughout the evening, but I couldn’t. Ridiculously enough, because I was scared. Terrified… that I might be harassed again on the way home. So I hid my feelings and acted like I didn’t care, like it didn’t affect me at all. But shame and unworthiness ate me up inside…
I still can’t stop thinking about the incident, and it’s so frustrating there’s nothing I can do about it now. Street harassment has happened to me a couple times before, and I always didn’t know how to smartly hit back. And it’s frustrating to a point where I become depressed. I don’t understand why people don’t know that these things become a hideous scar that can’t be erased forever in your mind. That haunts you every now and then, And it’s painful, often not just mentally.
Do you have any suggestions for dealing with harassers and/or ending street harassment in general?
I am desperate to know how to deal with harassers, but unfortunately I don’t, and I feel broken. I strongly believe street harassment should be discussed in middle/high schools. People should be educated that street harassment is a serious matter and should never be taken lightly.
– Anonymous
Location: Vancouver
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