There came an age in every recently hit-puberty-age of a teenage girl’s life in my hometown – and in many parts of the country – when you get your first taste of the car horn + whistle + ‘compliment’ combo.
And what a day it is! You may be 14 and feeling down as you’re socially outcast because you do not go to parties and drink vodka and sugary syrupy mixes on your Saturday night. Instead you’re limited to a movie and hot chocolate at a cafe. Albeit, the coolest cafe in town. What could spice this night up?! Why, an overload of street harassment of course!
Boy racers we called them back then. Recently drivers licensed guys racing around the ‘square’ in the city centre tooting their car horns at teenage girls. They’d wolf whistle and yell out things like, “Wanna come for a drive sexy?” “My friend has a big cock!” (Followed by laughing) Often it would just be lots of tooting and inarticulate yelling. Remember, these were only young teenage boys, not all could truly express themselves emotionally yet.
Now we all do ‘dumb stuff’ when we’re a young teen, right? (I thought if I cut my eye lashes off they’d grow back longer and thicker, thereby making me more attractive to guys) so I get that a 15 or 16 year old might think street harassment is genuinely a great idea, particularly as everyone else does it, and there are no consequences for doing so from their peers, parents, or society. They even think that if the girl yells back to tell them where to go, or signs a rude gesture, that this is all part of the game. The thrill of the chase! Girls like to be wooed, and love telling guys where ‘to shove it.’ We can all go home to mum and dad in time for the 11 p.m. curfew happy. Right?
No. The teenage boys like these ones somehow manage to grow up in other ways but not in this department. This is why street harassment shouldn’t be condoned as ‘ah well, boys will be boys’ because at some point these boys will become men who’ve grown up to think this behaviour is all okay with no real understanding of what respect is. Respect doesn’t have to wait until you’re in your late 30s, and settled down with a wife and baby daughter, reminiscing on those silly ‘regrettable’ teenage days, where hohohoho, you hilariously drove around harassing women.
Recently when walking home on a near winter evening at 11.30 p.m. down a busy main road in the city centre I had two separate groups harass me. The first one was a car driving by tooting with guys leaning out the window yelling out to me and wolf whistling. When I ignored them (being the bigger person that I am) what do I get? More yelling, with the addition of laughter. They thought it was hilarious to yell at me. I could no longer be the bigger person so I turned around and said ‘f*** off.’
It was then I came across group number two. Returning to my walking, I get, “Ooooohh, cold.” “Don’t be like that…smile…” I told my flatmate the next day how infuriating this was. Was I scared, or hurt, or afraid for my safety? No, but was it annoying and frustrating? Yes.
I know that my incident is nowhere near the same league as others who have gone through horrific experiences, so I’m not asking for any sympathy here. It feels like society is told that things like this should be accepted in general life as ‘just one of those things.’ No one died so no big deal.
Whilst I typically subscribe to that philosophy, it shouldn’t be applied in situations like this because guys don’t need to harass women from their cars, on the street.
I wasn’t “asking for it.” There was no sign on my long winter coat saying ,“Toot and yell if you think I’m attractive.”
At what point do you think it becomes wrong, guys? What’s the acceptable amount of harassment? Pray, do tell.
– Anonymous
Location: New Zealand
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