I need your help! I was just at a CVS in line and the guy behind me said to the woman in front of me, “Has anyone ever called you Peg?” and she looked at him and paused. I guess this woman looks like an actress with the name of Peg from a TV show (that I am not familiar with). He went on saying something like, “She’s the one on that show….”. The woman, still hesitant (maybe she really was the actress in question, she had on her sunglasses!) said something to acknowledge that she knew of the actress and that yes, in fact, people had asked her this question. He came back (and here is where I need your help) with, “Well I mean that as a compliment, because I think she is HO-OT!”
The woman had completed her check out and didn’t say much and just moved on out the door.
Ugh. I was tongue-tied, but felt badly. I wondered if I should have said something to the woman, like, “Is this conversation ok? Would you rather not be the object of this guy’s fantasies?” of course loudly. I didn’t. Maybe because I’m pretty low key and whenever I’ve made a scene it always seems to backfire on me. But maybe I should have….
– Alan
Location: West Palm Beach, FL
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Sue H says
I like your idea of asking the woman if she was ok with the conversation, that’s very good. It gives her the control to accept your help or not as she sees fit, and it shows the other guy the kind of respect the woman deserves. It’s a clear but subtle message that this is harassment, that he’s been caught in it, and that it’s not ok.
Another tactic might be simply ‘it’s not cool to talk to/about a woman like that’.
Don’t worry too much that you didn’t shout out at the time. It’s something we all have to get used to doing and it can take time. It’s a stressful situation and we don’t always think fast enough to take action. I think asking about this is great as it means you can pick up some ideas on what to say so you have the words ready when you next need them.
Thanks for being a male ally, guys like you are really cool.