Oh man. Where do I begin? I guess I’ll start at about 11 years old. I would walk home from school, less than a mile, but over that school year, I started to get male attention. It would come in the form of men honking at me as they drove past in their cars, or more often, follow me as I walked. I would walk down a busy street so there was always a business I could turn into and be secure…more or less. Better than trying to outrun a man in a car.
Men would stop and pull up next to me and start saying things like, “Hey baby, need a ride?” That one was very common.
But twice in the same school year, a man got out of his car and followed me to my house on foot. As soon as I could get close enough to my apartment complex and not give away where exactly I lived, I ran as quickly as my little feet could go. Once, a man in his forties tried to convince me to date him…when I was 14. He gave me compliments and mixed them with reasons for why I should give him my number.
Over time, this progressed to the point where I’ve been physically sexually assaulted three times within a half mile radius of my house. The first time it was physical was actually on my 21st birthday. I was wearing a cute new dress I had bought just for the day. I was walking home from the mall with my earphones plugged into my head trying to not pay attention to the honking and hard stares as other me passed by. I just kept walking like it was nobody’s business, but this man that was following me, made it his business to ruin my day. He followed me to my front door. Tailing me, I didn’t notice him behind me, and as I started to look for my keys in my purse, he pushed me forward onto my own front door and lifted my skirt up. I dropped everything I had in my hands and turned to swing. I was hoping to break his nose and cheekbones, but I missed and he ran like the devil was after him. I felt so victimized.
On a day that I started out feeling beautiful and sexy, and happy to look forward to going out with friends and my whole day was ruined. I was shaken, adrenaline was pumping uncontrollably and I was very angry and emotional.
I called my manliest male friend and tried to explain the situation, but in describing the man, it could have been anyone. So if I brought my claim to the police, they’d be looking for about 50% of all men in the Valley. He was Hispanic and that’s all I saw.
Once again, victim, and no way to punish the offender.
The next time, I was exiting a restaurant, when a man came out stumbling drunk and grabbed my ass and then my waist. I did get to nail him in the face before running away. But it was hard for me to go anywhere after that. That was over a year ago.
Now, things have normalized again, and I’m not looking for my next potential rapist as much as I am trying to keep all men as far away as possible.
Today, as I was waking to my bus stop, a man followed me in his car, cat calljng me. No big deal, I’ll just ignore him and he’ll go away, I thought.
Unfortunately I could hear everything as I learned my lesson about the earphones. He pulled over and tried to persuade me to get into his car by saying I was beautiful, it’s such a hot day, you should be in my car and all the like. I told him to fuck off. He took that as “get out of your car and follow me,” which he did.
I told him if he didn’t stop following me, I would call the cops. The police station happened to be pretty close by at the next light about a block over. He said call them, so I turned and just kept walking. As I turned from him he grabbed my arm and pulled me around. I struggled free and pushed him away. I ran to my bus stop and found another man there. A middle aged man about the age of the man who grabbed me. Crying, I told him, look, I may need your help. A man just grabbed me and I don’t know if he’s still following me.
I was so scared. I got on the bus to take me to work and I just cried. I felt so helpless and disgusting and low. This was really demeaning and it made me raw. There were other men around to witness this and no one helped me. He could have forced himself on to me if I hadn’t fought back instantly, he may have gotten the better of me. I just knew my fear of rape was much larger than what I’d have to do to get away from him.
I wish there were a way to change this, but there seems to be no way to stop it. It deters me from the idea of a boyfriend or even having kids. It’s truly a sad situation.
– F.C of the Valley
Location: Van Nuys, CA
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