I had dressed up for an interview and was wearing a bight colored dress. I walked past these two men on the street and one said, “Wow, you are really beautiful.” The other one followed it up with a whistle.
I wasn’t in the mood to talk or argue, so I smiled and continued to walk by. It was only a few steps after that I heard one of them yell, “What, you can’t say thank you?”
That’s when it dawned on me. Why was I obligated to say thank you? He had payed me a compliment, but had I asked him to look me up and down a evaluate me?
For a moment I felt almost naked and a little awkward. Then I felt angry that a man expected me to be grateful that I passed his expectations of what is beautiful.
I turned to him and asked, ‘Why do I need to thank you? Did you do me a favor? Did you help me?”
He looked a little surprised. “You don’t have to be so uptight,” he said.
“I didn’t ask you to look at me. In fact, I wish you wouldn’t.” I then quickly turned around and quickly walked in to the nearest apartment building entrance I could find, scared and hoping they wouldn’t follow. Thank goodness they didn’t.
I’m a happy, confident woman and I consider myself to be pretty. Sometimes I like to wear nice clothes and dress up. But sometimes I feel like I can’t because some one is going to assume I’m doing it to get attention. That I ‘want it’ be it a compliment or sex. I think that’s incredibly assumptive.
Has it ever dawned on these harassers that maybe a person likes to dress up for themselves? That it makes them feel good to look nice. That they could have other things on their mind than ‘getting some’, when they dress up?
It feels like a lose/lose. I’m either pretty and ‘wanting it’, or I’m a stuck up B because I ‘can’t take a compliment’.
Do you have any suggestions for dealing with harassers and/or ending street harassment in general?
Educate your male friends. Yes I know women do it too, but I have to say that from my point of view it comes from men more.
Give them examples of ‘harmless’ comments and explain to them why a women might feel uncomfortable with it. It’s all subjective after all.
– Frustrated Fem
Location: Downtown Hamilton
Share your street harassment story for the blog.
