By: Tilly Grove, London, UK, SSH Correspondent
I was nervous enough about having to use the underpass in the early evening wearing my new dress, so when the men walking past decided to wolf-whistle at me, I was a little shaken. My immediate response in these circumstances is to contact someone, to make me feel less vulnerable; I chose to message a close male friend. Instead of the sympathy I had been hoping for, he replied, wistfully: “I’ve never been whistled at.”
It is a sentiment I have heard often from straight men; no matter how distressed street harassment evidently makes women, they’re positive that the inverse is something that they’d quite like. They like the idea that a woman might come up to them and grab their backside, or make comments that implied (or outright stated) sexual attraction. Some of them might even like the idea of another man doing these things to them. They think that when a stranger catcalls, wolf-whistles, or gropes you, they are merely revealing their attraction to you, and that this would be an incredibly flattering thing to happen.
It may be that this thinking is so flawed through lack of experience, but regardless, it is hardly surprising that street harassment is so prevalent when men feel this way. Even if these men would never themselves holler at women on the street or touch them without consent, the fact that they think the act is inherently complimentary means that they help perpetuate the behaviour. It means they’re less likely to challenge it.
But they are basing their opinion on what street harassment is like from a fantasy. Many men really can only dream of what it’s like. The fact is, it’s not someone coming up to you every now and then to tell you that you look good, or to ask you out. It’s not someone hot pinching your butt in a flirty way, or making their sexual attraction to you known. It is strange men who have no reason other than their evident belief of their entitlement over women to think that you want to hear their opinions or intentions, shouting explicit things at you from across the road or pawing at you without warning or invitation, every time you leave the house. We are sick of men objectifying us whenever we walk by, sick of men intimidating us whenever we go outside. It will never be a compliment in this context.
So, if men actually want to compliment women they see on the street, they should politely get their attention and talk to them. They should keep their hands to themselves, not shout, and not make inappropriate comments or noises. These things are not complimentary; they are disrespectful, and when they come from men who we are acutely aware could easily stalk or overpower us, they become terrifying. We know that the vast majority of men perpetrating street harassment are not doing it to flatter, because it is these methods which they employ most of all. We need men as a whole to acknowledge this, whether they choose to partake in it or not, if we have any hope of seeing an end to it.
Tilly is studying for a BA in War Studies at King’s College London, where she is writing her dissertation on the effect that perceptions of gender have on the roles which women adopt in conflict. You can follow her on Tumblr and Twitter, @tillyjean_.
