Archives for April 2014

My friend (also female) and I were standing on a crowded bus. At one stop, two men jumped on and the situation was such that they ended up standing extremely close behind us. As the bus lurched at a red light, inertia propelled me backwards. The bus stopping was very sudden and I felt myself knock into the man behind me. Just as I was about to turn my head to apologise, I felt him groping my inner thigh through the fabric of my pants. Then he slid his hand further up until he was most definitely intentionally and inappropriately touching me. If there was room on the bus for me to move and my hands were free, I would have slapped him and called him out. But my hands were trying to grip the overhead rail and I was too shocked to speak. I stood in stunned silence and glanced at my friend who also wore a pained expression.

Thankfully, the men left before we reached our stop. I told my friend what had happened and she said that the man be hind her pinched her bottom and groped her.

I felt compelled to share this story because raising awareness of street harassment is a vital step in preventing it. Victims of street harassment are often made to feel as if they somehow brought the unwanted attention upon themselves. I want subjects of street harassment to know that this is not the case – and there is never any excuse for physically or verbally harassing another person. In fact there are laws against this!

I wish my story involved me calling my harasser out. But I was too shocked and I was afraid of how the man may react if I said something to him/slapped him away. This is a typical reaction for many who have been harassed. I feel safer sharing my experience here, than I did when I was back on that bus full of people.

Remember to pick your battles. Street harassment should not be ignored but make sure there is someone to look out for you if you have tried to defend yourself. Know that you are not alone if all you did was remain silent about your experience(s) of street harassment. You can share your story here, there are many others who will be able to relate.

– Ella B

Location: On a bus

I am a woman. I’m on my way out for the night. I am tall, thin, white, and wearing a skirt with heels. These are all simple facts.

I am young. I live in New York City. I type this on my smart phone. My phone tried to auto-correct live to love. That is also true.

I get onto the train. Two men enter. I have on headphones because I saw this coming while I was getting ready an hour earlier. One sits – the other stops and leers. He sits – gets his friends attention and motions to me – obviously. They leer together. They talk while looking directly at me. If not for my noise canceling headphones – I could hear them. I am choosing not to – yet I am still becoming angry.

Eventually – I choose to walk to another section of the car to sit. The man across from me is looking at me every time I look up.

Let me stop you right there. This is not flattery or flattering. I am not conceited nor do I think they are looking at me because I am a wonderful, beautiful woman worthy of love and respect. I chose the word leer for a reason.

I am a woman. I love to dress up. I live in New York City. And sometimes I walk around un-chaperoned. This becomes a problem.

This becomes a constant of headphones in my ears. This becomes me clutching my keys in my pocket everywhere I go. This becomes I’m a bitch because I don’t say thank you to their catcalls. This becomes I was asking for it because I’m wearing a skirt and I am a woman alone.

This is a problem. A legitimate one. This is conditioning. This is my worry every time I leave the house. This is what Margaret Atwood meant when she said “Men are afraid that women will laugh at them; women are afraid that men will kill them.” This is reality. This runs through every woman’s head. This is not just a lack of being “raised right.” This is a lack of respect. This is harassment.

Men. Tell other men this is unacceptable. Women. Be yourself – dress however you please – stay safe – speak out. When someone harasses you – tell someone else.

Keep talking. Keep spreading awareness.

Stop street harassment.

– Mallorie Carrington

Location: New York City, R Train

It doesn’t matter what time it is or what you’re wearing…there is no excuse for being harassed.

Its it 7:20 a.m. on April 16th, it is unusually cold and I am dressed warmly. As I walk the two blocks to the train station at Flatbush-Brooklyn College…I hear a man shouting at me from the driver side of a car. “Damn baby, I would love to drive that ass to work, mmm…damn you pretty” he said while slowing down to follow my pace. I have to be honest, I am a born and bred New Yorker and for the most part I ignore most commentary.

Not today I thought, as I replied back, “That’s rude and unwanted…drive your car asshole.”

He ignored me and kept on. “I would love to drive that fine ass to work, come on baby…let me drop you at work.”

I ignored him and walked briskly, only turning slightly to see him trailing me. This is where my speedy walk turned into a hop skip. Quite often my boyfriend of five years with whom I live will good-naturedly lecture me about the importance of being aware of your surroundings and not traveling alone late at night. This one of those moments where there is no “what you could have done better/differently.” I cannot be expected to be escorted to and from the train station like a child.

I have lived in my neighborhood for two years and with this incident occurring directly outside of my co-op…How can I be anymore aware?

There is no cop out, there is excuse, and there is no fault of mine.

Do you have any suggestions for dealing with harassers and/or ending street harassment in general?

Do not allow yourself to become a part of the “there is nothing I can do party.” Yes you can, step 1 is telling friends, family, Facebook your blog etc, that this kind of behavior should not and will not be tolerated. Step 2 is to realize that is not your job as a woman to act as entertainment for men and that they can/should control themselves and you are not at fault.

– PR