Stop Street Harassment

Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming

Archives for May 2014

Male Feelings of Entitlement Can Kill

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“Elliot Rodger, like most young American men, was taught that he was entitled to sex and female attention…He believed this so fully that he described women’s apathy toward him as an “injustice” and a “crime”…If we need to talk about this tragic shooting in terms of illness, though, let’s start with talking about our cultural sickness – a sickness that refuses to see misogyny as anything other than inevitable.. – Jessica Valenti for The Guardian

Some men’s feelings of entitlement to women’s attention and bodies results in #streetharassment, #rape and even murder. Sadly,  Rodger’s killing spree in Santa Barbara on Friday is evidence of the latter. Our hearts go out to the UCSB community and those who lost loved ones in this senseless violence.

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“How do we address these kinds of wrong cultural messages?”

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Last week my wife and I saw a 2013 indie movie called “The Way Way Back.” It stars Steve Carrell as a very overbearing single parent boyfriend to Toni Collette who is a single mom that is desperate (for male attention). Steve Carrell’s daughter is a snotty/”cool” older teen and Toni Collette’ss son is a geeky/awkward younger teen. The four go on a summer vacation to the shore (a place Steve Carrell and his daughter have gone to for years and know all the other people that live around them). The vacation is ostensibly a trial to see of the four could live together as a “modern family” in the fall.

The story is revolves around Toni Collette’s son. At the beach, his awkwardness is enhanced and comes to a head when the potential step-sister treats him like trash in front of her friends and Toni Collette and Steve Carrell treat him like a 14 going on 13 year old instead of a 14 going on 15 year old when they periodically worry about him when they “come up for air” from their need to deepen their intimacy.

Finally disgusted by his mom and no longer willing to put up with his future step father or his daughter the boy finds a pink stingray bike that is way too small for him and makes his way to town. He comes across a water park and the manager (Sam Rockwell) sees him for what he is and takes him under his wing. The boy doesn’t tell his mom or Steve Carrell what he is up to all day. He becomes an employee, is accepted and in general this is a great coming of age tale. You really want to like the boy and are happy as he overcomes various little geeky awkward things inherent in his 14 year old self and he eventually gains enough courage and maturity to stand up to and expose the Steve Carrell character to his mom and she realizes he has used her — they leave the vacation early, with a newfound bond and resolve to be strong individuals.

But one of the things the movie portrays makes me uncomfortable. It is only one short scene lasting perhaps only 1-2 minutes, but it spoiled the whole show for me. As the boy is socialized by fellow employee/lifeguards at the water park, all older teen males, one of the things they show him is their ritual of making “sexy” girls stop at the start of the high/long water tube, the premise is that there has to be spacing of the people entering in the tube so they don’t run into each other and have an accident, but what they are really doing is looking “checking out the flesh”. As the 14 year old protagonist gains confidence you see him do the same thing he saw the older boys do–as if this was a sign he had come out off his childish ways and become a fill fledged adolescent/man.

There it was. A good/great show with a good message, ruined by just a small side scene. It was there, and why?

What do we do? How do we address these kinds of wrong cultural messages and tell our young boys this kind of thing is not right? How do we get film makers to stop including these messages in their films? btw, 2 of the 8 listed producers were female!

– AK – Hoping to be Considered a Male Ally

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“You cannot touch me!”

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While walking with two male friends from a bar to get food a passing man grabbed my ass. I immediately grabbed his shirt and slapped him across his face. I yelled at him, “You cannot touch me! You cannot just grab someone’s ass! That is not ok!”

He stuttered a weak response and basically ran away. I burst into tears. It happened crossing the street in a large crowd of people so a lot of people saw and heard what happened. I hope they all took it to heart.

– Anonymous

Location: Washington

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“We need awesome male allies who are willing to speak up”

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I get harassed about once or twice a week when I leave the house. As soon as it gets nice out and I want to be outside, I get punished for being outside.

At this point, even though I’m terrified, I put on lipstick and dress in the way that makes me feel good. Because it honestly doesn’t seem to matter what I wear. I get harassed in sweatpants or skirts. I might as well look the way I want to look if it’s going to happen anyway. I’m officially tired of being scared. I refuse to change the way I behave because street harassing men think my body belongs to them when it is outside.

I’m taking back my streets.

And when I walk my dog, I’m holding on to her poop bags for that special kind of street harasser who seems to think he’s safe in his car.

Do you have any suggestions for dealing with harassers and/or ending street harassment in general?

We need awesome male allies who are willing to speak up when they hear or see nasty ideas arise or get enacted in their communities of men. If we create a culture of shame around these behaviors, we can help make a serious dent in street harassment, sexual assault, and domestic abuse.

– SF

Location: Philadelphia, PA

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“He said I should fill the world with babies”

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I was stuck next to a man on a crowded bus for 10 minutes who kept making comments about my appearance. He said I should fill the world with babies. “I will, sir, and I’ll fire them out of my vagina like a t-shirt cannon,” I thought. I very briskly walked back to my apartment when we both got off at the same stop. Ick.

– Anonymous

Location: Seattle, WA

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