It was in my mid to late teens that my breasts really began developing. And they didn’t stop until I hit my early twenties. While hardly record breaking, they are larger than average. And yes, this is a real problem.
Now I realize for some women, my complaining about a “great rack” can cause a reaction similar to the one I have when a thin woman complains about being unable to gain weight. Come closer, skinny girl, so I can pop you in the nose.
But here’s the thing I want to share…as a young woman who did nothing but grow up to get these things on my chest, it was shocking and hurtful to realize the assumptions that people were making about me because of this aspect of my appearance. And not just men. The most hurtful and damaging remarks actually came from other women.
Promiscuous. Oversexed. Asking for it. Stupid. Trashy. Slut. Porn star wannabe.
The pain those assumptions and remarks caused me as a teen and a young woman was immense. The impact on my self-esteem and self-image, devastating.
I have a genius level IQ. As a friend says, I am “wicked smart”. And I have a keen sense of humor. Oh, and I have green eyes. But I’m pretty sure most men never saw any of that.
Walking down the street in New York, or anywhere for that matter, it’s as if you’ve granted any man who wishes a license to leer and catcall. After all you have big boobs, so you’re just asking for it, right? Ah, no. No, I’m not.
After living in NYC for many years I grew weary of the street calling nonsense and began to bite back. This really started one evening when I was walking home and rounded the corner to my block only to hear a fellow waiting for the bus call out some nonsense. I recognized him as a guy who worked at one of the bodegas on the block and something in me snapped a little. I walked right up to him and let him know that this was where I lived. This was my home. How dare he come to my neighborhood and disrespect me and make me feel less than safe?
I scared the crap out him and he seemed to decide that he didn’t need to wait for the bus to skedaddle on home as he backed away apologizing.
Boy, was that satisfying. Speaking out then became something I could do (if I felt safe to) and it was empowering. It was like a first step toward taking back full ownership of my own body. Even these dang pesky boobs. Maybe they don’t get to “speak” for me anymore.
Last year I was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer. I only required a lumpectomy and medication and have to admit I was a little disappointed that I didn’t get to lose these things once and for all. I know that may sound shocking to many of you but these suckers have caused me plenty of trouble over the years. But it was not meant to be. It appears we’re stuck with each other.
I’d like to share a closing thought for all of you. We are here to talk about street harassment and intellectually we all agree that how we dress or look is no one’s business but our own. Let’s remember that as we women look at each other and the judgments we place on each other. Let’s pledge to not assume that red head with the breasts is a trashy tramp. And I will pledge to not pop any skinny girl in the nose, ever.
Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?
Education is the only thing I can think of and that’s not about a place, it’s about a mindset. The “card” videos showed so clearly that these men don’t understand, or even worse, don’t really care. It is some sort of birthright as a man. I know it doesn’t have to be that way. I had two brothers. They would never dream of calling out someone in the street. I know it was how they were raised and taught.
– Lee Allison
Location: New York, NY, Upper East Side
Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea
