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Archives for November 2014

“People laugh and make strange noises”

November 29, 2014 By Contributor

People laugh and make strange noises, bark like a dog, talk about how ugly or funny looking I am, insult my clothing or phone because I am poor. Yes even flat chested and/or “societies definition of ugly” or older women are just as tired of being made fun of as attractive and/or young women are tired of being hit on.

It is just as humiliating to be constantly made fun of as it is for an attractive woman to be hit on. It is very demeaning and contributes to lack of self esteem and self worth.

– Anonymous

Location: Western PA

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

16 Days of Activism: Day 5

November 29, 2014 By HKearl

Our new board member Lindsey is also behind Cards Against Harassment. Check out orangeurhood #16Days cards she made that you can download, print and distribute.

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Filed Under: 16 days, Resources, street harassment

Peru: Cuando son otras mujeres las que te silencian

November 28, 2014 By Correspondent

Laura Bustamante, Lima, Peru, SSH Blog Correspondent

Conversando con una compañera canadiense me dijo: “en Perú el acoso sexual callejero es muy fuerte, lo peor es que te acostumbras, te cansas y quedas en silencio”. Es verdad, una se cansa, se acostumbra, lo toma como parte de su vida, como este tipo de violencia sexual no es tan atroz se vuelve tolerable y aceptable, “así es pues”, te dicen, “que vas a hacer”, es decir, como mujer no puedes hacer nada y te debes conformar.

La exaltación de la pasividad femenina

Entiendo que muchas mujeres callen cuando son acosadas debido a la naturalización, pasividad y el miedo. Se educa niñas pasivas, delicadas y dulces, y a niños competitivos y agresivos, no se enseña a los hombres a no violar pero se enseña a las mujeres a cuidarse. Además, una mujer piensa: “si este hombre me falta el respeto así, puede hacer algo peor si respondo”, tiene miedo ante el riesgo de violencia física porque un hombre tiene más fuerza física y los cobardes aprovechan eso.

Pero no siempre se justifica el silencio, se trata de saber en qué momento defenderte, y no sobrevalorar el peligro, en una calle solitaria es mejor callar, pero si es día con gente alrededor es un derecho y deber contigo misma el defenderte. Que el acosador te puede insultar o gritar para silenciarte, si, puede… pero peor es cuando quien te violenta y te silencia es otra mujer.

Hay que reemplazar la pasividad por sororidad

Es paradójico que tu primer modelo de mujer sea la primera en silenciarte. La primera vez que me enfrenté a mi acosador callejero estaba con mi madre, pensé: con ella somos dos, pero ella me calló y llamó la atención porque él me podía hacer algo peor. ¡Gracias madre! me enseñaste que 2 mujeres ante un hombre somos menos.

El otro día, 6 chicas se quejaban que un profesor acosaba a sus alumnas, una no denunció porque su mamá le dijo “sin pruebas es tu palabra contra la de él, no te van a creer y vas a pasar un mal rato” WTF!! Hasta que una genio opinó “el profesor no haría eso si las chicas no le siguen el juego, yo pongo mi cara de trasero y no se me acerca”.

¿Poner tu cara de trasero? La lógica que debes andar con cara anti-violación #MyAntiRapeFace para no ser violada, culpabiliza a las chicas ignorando que se quejaban por el “coqueteo” indeseado y olvida que el profesor está abusando de su autoridad.

Culpar y humillar a la mujer acosada es público, cuando una chica se quejó porque le metieron la mano, una señora le recriminó “por salir con esa falda provocas a los hombres”. Mientras, una estúpida conductora de TV opina “chicas hay que entender a los ‘pobres caballeros’ que nosotras también provocamos con esas falditas”… WTF!!

Bajo la cultura de la violación el acoso no es violencia, normaliza y justifica la violencia sexual, culpa o silencia a la víctima, y hasta bromean, una vez dos mujeres decían riéndose de una chica con short y tacones: “si yo me visto así por mi casa, me violan y termino con un hijo” ¿Mujeres en serio?, la violación da risa… mi culpa por vestirme así.

Otra genio dice “Pierdes tu tiempo cuando respondes, con mi silencio les doy indiferencia, mejor ignorarlos”. Pobre ilusa confunde la pasividad con defensa, olvida que una realidad no se cambia con el silencio y que la violencia no se acaba hasta que dices ¡basta!

Y es contradictorio como esta pasividad se torna en agresividad, cuando culpan y censuran a las mujeres que protestan y no cumplen con el rol pasivo, como una mujer que comenta en un fan page “Adáptense viven en Perú, a mí me dicen cosas horribles en la calle y no ando quejándome, dejen de hacerse las víctimas, no sean hipócritas, muchas mujeres buscan la atención de los hombres para sacarles plata”.

Esas malas compañeras te silencian a viva voz cuando te defiendes porque ellas no lo hacen, parece que vuelcan su frustración y miedo contenidos en su pasividad contra las que no siempre callamos, como la vez que respondí cuando un taxista nos gritó cosas sexuales, y una de las chicas con la que estaba me llamó la atención diciendo “¡ya Laura cállate no grites!”

Ya es tiempo que las mujeres abracen la sororidad, que significa hermandad, unión y apoyo mutuo, defendernos y empoderarnos, pensar en colectivo. Estas mujeres deben entender que cuando nos acosan en la calle no es porque me visto así. Nos acosan porque somos mujeres. Cuando atacan a una nos atacan a todas, y es absurdo que una mujer ataque a otra.

La mayoría de mujeres peruanas que conocí no consideran el acoso sexual callejero como violencia, porque eso sería reconocer que son víctimas, no quieren ser vistas como exageradas que se quejan de naderías, piensan que ser víctima es vergonzoso y de cobardes, pero al contrario “pecar por silencio cuando deberíamos protestar es lo que nos hace cobardes”.

Nuestro miedo está sobredimensionado por la pasividad femenina como modelo de mujer, y es preocupante porque esa es la estrategia para mantener el círculo de violencia machista, nos hace tener más miedo y callar cuando deberíamos denunciar, o peor aún, cuando no nos defendemos, callamos a las compañeras que lo hacen, olvidamos que cuando una mujer se defiende nos defiende a todas, está avergonzando y debilitando al acosador que mañana podría acosarte a ti, a tu hija, hermana o amiga, está generando un cambio, porque él lo pensara dos veces antes de acosar a otra mujer porque se dará cuenta que no todas callamos.

Sororidad en vez de pasividad compañeras, ¡sororidad!

Laura ha estudiado Administración en Turismo en Universidades de Perú y Barcelona, y Estudios de Género en la ONG Flora Tristán. La puedes seguir en Twitter en @laeureka.

 When the Ones who Silence You are other Women

A Canadian acquaintance told me, “In Peru the street sexual harassment is very strong; the worst of it is when you get used to it, you get tired and at the end you stay silent.” Truth! One gets used to, tired and takes it as part of her life. As this type of sexual violence is not too terrible it becomes tolerable and acceptable, “this is the way it is”, they say, “what can you do,” that is: as a woman you can do nothing and you must resign yourself.

The praise of female passivity

I understand why many women keep silence when they are harassed due to naturalization, passivity and fear. Society educates passive, delicate and sweet girls, and competitive and aggressive boys. Guys aren’t taught not to rape but women are taught to take care of themselves. At the end, a woman thinks, “If this man is so disrespectful with me like this, he can harm me if I respond,” and, fearing the risk of physical violence, she won’t say a thing because a man has more physical strength and some cowards abuse that.

But to remain in silence is not always justified. It is about knowing when to defend yourself, and not overestimating the danger. On an empty street it may be better not to say anything. But if the harassment happens in the daylight with people around, it is right and a duty to defend yourself. The harasser could insult or shout you louder to silence you, but the worst is when the one who silences you is another woman.

We must replace passivity for sisterhood

Ironically your first female model is likely the first woman to shut you up. The first time I confronted my street harasser I was with my mother, I felt more secure with her and I thought, with she by my side we were two, but she told me off me because according to her, “I was risking myself and he could do something worse.” Thanks mom for teaching me that two women are less than a man.

The other day, six students complained of a teacher who “flirts” with his students. One student told me that she didn’t accused him because her mother told her “you have no evidence, it is your word against his, they won’t believe you and you will have a rough time.” WTF! And a “genius” student said, “The teacher would not do that if the girls didn’t go with it. I give him my pissed off face and he doesn’t approach me.” To put a pissed off face!! The logic seems like practicing #MyAntiRapeFace to not be raped; she blames the students, ignoring that the teacher is abusing his authority.

Humiliation and victim-blaming is a public practice, when a young woman complained that a guy groped her in the bus, an old woman reproached, “You provoke men if you wear that skirt.” While a female TV presenter recently said, “Girls you need to understand these ‘poor gentlemen’ that we (women) also provoke them by wearing those little skirts” … WTF !!

Under rape culture, street harassment is not a type of violence, it is normalized and justified sexual violence. Rape culture guilts or silences the victim, and even people joke about it. Once, I heard two women laughing at a woman in shorts and heels, saying: “If I dress like that in my neighborhood, I’d get raped and pregnant, ahah.” Seriously women? Being raped is a joke…  and my fault for dressing in a certain way.

Another “genius” said, “You are wasting your time when you respond to them. With my silence I give them indifference, so it’s better to ignore them.” This deluded young woman confuses passivity with defense, forgetting that reality is not changed with silence and violence does not end until you say stop!

It is contradictory how some women turn their passivity into aggression toward their female peers by blaming and criticizing other women who protest and don’t meet the passive role. A woman wrote on a street harassment fan page, “You have to adapt to our reality, we live in Peru, men tell me horrible things in streets but I’m not complaining. Stop playing the victim, you are hypocrites when many women seek the attention of men to get money from them.”

These kind of women silence you loudly when you defend yourself because they don´t do it. It seems that they turn their frustration and repressed fear against the women who do not always remain silent, like that day when I responded to a taxi driver who shouted at sexual things at us and one of the young women that I was hanging out with yelled at me, “Enough Laura, don´t shout!”

It is time that women embrace sisterhood, which means unity and mutual support, defend and empower us. These women should understand that when we are harassed on the street it is not because of what we’re wearing. We get harassed because we are women and it is absurd when a woman mistreats another woman over it.

Most Peruvian women with whom I talked do not consider street harassment as violence, because that would imply to recognize themselves as victims and they don´t want to be seen as exaggerated girls who complain about nothing. They think that being a victim is shameful and cowardly, but they forget that “To sin by silence when we should protest make us cowards.”

When we denounce, or worse, when we do not defend, we silence other women. We forget that when a woman defends herself, she is defending all of us, she is shaming and weakening the street harasser that tomorrow might harass you, might harass your daughter, sister or friend. She is making a difference, because that man will think twice before harass another woman because he will realize that not all women remain silent.

We need sisterhood rather than passivity women, sisterhood!

Laura has studied Tourism Management in Universities of Peru and Barcelona, and Gender Studies at the NGO Flora Tristan. You can follow her on Twitter at @laeureka.

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Filed Under: correspondents

Big Bad Wolves in Connecticut

November 28, 2014 By Contributor

I remember when I was running errands for my grandmother in her neighborhood. The part of the city she lives in is a bit questionable, but I always felt okay moving around in familiar areas during the day time. I was walking across a plaza on the way to her senior living apartment home when I saw two men standing near their car. They were several years older than me, probably in their 50’s or 60’s. I planned to make some distance between me and them and make no eye contact. They saw me immediately and made moves to get me to talk to them.

They wanted to know how I was and how pretty I looked and what a pretty girl was doing all alone. One of the men in particular was very interested in me. I told them, “Im fine. I’m just doing errands for my grandmother, I have to keep going.” Of course, they ask me if I was taken. Yes I am, with a wonderful boyfriend. The man interested in me looks rather annoyed at my answer and tries to convince me that somehow my boyfriend isn’t worth anything and how I need to go with him instead. He “promises” he would take me all sorts of places and offers to drive me up to my grandmother’s house. All this time, my warning bells have been going off and I realize that I needed to leave immediately. I tell them briskly that I don’t need the ride and that I have to leave now. So I leave.

I quickly make my way up to my grandmother’s house, still feeling nervous. Then all of a sudden, the two men’s car pulls up close to me. Their windows are rolled down and the two are looking at me with lewd looks on their faces. They’re trying to convince me to get into their car and talk to me, and now Im starting to feel frightened. I cant allow them to see me heading towards my grandmother’s apartment, so I simply walk away from them on a sidewalk path that led to more senior living apartments, since they wouldnt be able to follow me that way. I hid behind one of the buildings and did not come out until I was able to see their car drive off. I was frightened. I didn’t allow myself to leave my hiding spot for at least a good 5 minutes before heading back to my grandmother’s house. I certainly didn’t go back out for the rest of the day.

– Anonymous

Location: Hartford, CT

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

16 Days of Activism: Day 4

November 28, 2014 By HKearl

From our friends at Take Back the Tech:

“How do you challenge existing inequalities by speaking up? When you voice your thoughts, do you face threats and abuse? How is violence used to disrupt solidarity and collective action where you are? How do you fight back?

From women critiquing culture to girls posting selfies, the more visible a woman is online, the more abuse she faces. And the more digitally connected we are, the wider our risk. Whether it’s a stranger tweeting threats or a partner monitoring mobile phone activity, the aim is to silence and control us. Additionally, such violence is often sexualised and aims to make us feel isolated and alone.

Violence against women attempts to restrict freedom of expression. It’s difficult to participate in the public sphere, contribute to culture and decision-making or critique policies and systems when we are fearful. We may not even be able to dress or dance or celebrate the way we want to. The internet is becoming an increasingly important public space, and violence is a real threat—a strategy to narrow our capacity to participate in and define the space.

Yet exercising our right to freedom of expression is critical to ending violence and promoting other rights. We can only create change by speaking up, making it visible, exchanging information and building solidarity through communication.

As part of 16 Days of Activism Against Gender Violence, Take Back the Tech! invites you to help us reframe the conversation about violence against women as a violation of our fundamental human right to freedom of expression.

TAKE ACTION!

  • Documentation 
    Build knowledge on how violence is used as a strategy to silence. Use your mobile phone and interview women and girls where you live on what, when and how they are silenced through violence. Share them with us and tag them #takebackthetech. (As always, get consent before publishing.)

  • Solidarity
    On 29 November, join us in commemorating the women human rights defenders who are silenced through various tactics of violence, including removal of their channels of communication. We will create a digital quilt with messages of solidarity, adding our voices to their resistance to silencing.

  • Resistance
    How have you responded to online violence? What actions did you take? Strengthen our capacity to fight back and challenge violence by sharing your strategies of resistance. Blog your story, chat with us on Twitter @takebackthetech or write your own 10 tips for challenging violence and safe communications and tag us!

Don’t let violence silence us. Speak out! Take back the Tech!

www.takebackthetech.net

ideas@takebackthetech.net

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Filed Under: 16 days

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