Daniel Burdick, CA, USA, SSH Blog Correspondent
My previous contribution to this blog entitled, “Men Harassing Women Represents a Loss for Everyone,” due to size limitations, contained little elaboration about why this title statement makes sense. The question could be asked: what possible effect could a few incidents of harassment make to those with apparently no personal involvement? Why should we men concern ourselves with the sophomoric behavior of a few other men towards women?
In the words of anthropologist Margaret Meade: “Every time we liberate a woman, we liberate a man.” (La Abogada,1967)
Please allow me to separate the topic of gender-based street harassment (GBSH) away from the general context of women’s equal rights, if this is at all possible. Simply, my intent here is to channel the GBSH dialog within an even broader context of social equality for all people.
Harassment is one of those bad behaviors that tends to be marginalized because the harm it causes is psychological, cumulative, and therefore intangible. We were all taught at the playground, often teary-eyed, the “Sticks and Stones” rhyme where “words will never hurt me.” Unfortunately, words are exactly what inflict us with a variety of mental health issues. Among the negative attitudes which promote turmoil in relationships is low self-esteem. When someone becomes convinced they have shortcomings regarding appearance and personality, they are very likely to over-compensate for it with various forms of clinical narcissism. (Not to be confused with narcissism, the vice.) This is highly evident in the current popularity and pervasiveness of self-improvement products and strategies.
A story of street harassment, the toll it takes away from our simple friendships, and the tyranny of the clothing industry… One of my car-free female friends was very late to attending a casual soiree one evening, much to my dismay. It was revealed later that while she was on her way, some strange male had made a judgmental, derogatory critique of the comfortable tights she wears while riding her bicycle. She responded by returning to her home in humiliation in order to change her clothes, and apparently experienced other changes there as well. This happened months ago, and now I know by how she has altered her dressing strategy that she may still bear the pain from whatever was said. I feel physical pain myself when I imagine this happening to her. Not all of us are able to find, much less afford, stylish clothing that fits our diversely-shaped bodies perfectly and thus free of attracting misguided commentaries of how we present ourselves, including other unwanted attention and victim-blaming. (The hyper-critical fashion-entertainment scrutiny of celebrities only amplifies this disturbing trend.)
Then there is a social media contact (another inspiration for my involvement with SSH) who occasionally vents understandable rage by posting online flames about the street harassers she regularly encounters when accessing public transit. Simultaneously, she is quick to disavow any sympathy or connection whatsoever for what she considers as “feminism,” at least openly among her friends and contacts in the social media forum. While I would like to ask her to elaborate further about this, I expect probable sarcasm and less-than-honest responses… as besides being pressed for time, she apparently must also bear more than her fair share of an emotional load to try explaining this to some guy who claims he is doing research for some blog article.
While I certainly respect this woman’s privacy and only seek to improve her situation by documenting her observations; although until she offers to share her thoughts openly and unsolicited, she represents a person unable to contribute to the human cause of equality – apparently due to the perceived social stigma of being intimidated by harassment. She is not the only woman I’ve encountered who actively seeks disassociation with “the movement,” which seems to be judged by some to exist for others who are somehow inferior to themselves. However, this person’s apparent method of coping with her harassers, while valid, is similar in endearment value as the car engine-revving, horn-honking and intentional tire-squealing.
I’m by no means a mental health professional, yet no one really has to be in order to identify many other methods we cope with issues caused by street harassment. The bottom line is the culture of street harassment and related posturing seems to affect both men and women toward acquiring overly competitive, detrimentally aggressive attitudes toward each other that make it difficult to initiate and share the intimacy and connections we all crave. Male friends often confide in me regarding their frustration with establishing equitable relations with women; yet it’s simultaneously and painfully obvious why women must often respond to even well-intended men with mistrust, the avoidance of contact, and even hostility.
Please consider the plight of women who enter the male-dominated fields of scientific research and academia. This is a crucial area where humanity desperately needs the brightest people who are not only trained intellectuals, but possess common sense and social balance. Research shows that many women who possess these qualities are realizing this career path isn’t workable for them, due to an atmosphere of harassment and gender-biased competition, among other reasons. One can only begin to imagine the loss of discoveries, breakthroughs, and other possible benefits to our existence that are lost. There are potentially so many fabulous minds that are oppressed, discredited, and forced away due to stupid, selfish remarks and innuendoes.
What I’m honestly trying to accomplish amounts to convincing other guys that we actually share an important stake (other than that hopeful side effect of attracting a mate of sufficient intelligence to enable establishing a survivable, sustainable relationship) within the context of street harassment, and that the quality of our lives and relationships will improve if we can somehow jump-start a process to stop street harassment from continuing its heinous oppression of women. I wouldn’t be out here trying to help put an end to it I didn’t think this was a realistically possible goal offering significant benefits.
Daniel is a longtime activist for peace, the environment, and social equality. He currently works as a design engineer and is an avid bicyclist.
