Archives for November 2014

Sunday 9th November, 8:15 A.M. (London, England)

I was sitting by myself on an empty tube carriage and a man hopped on the same train carriage at the next station.I didn’t think anything of it, why should I? Right?

I had my head down whilst I was fiddling with my phone and I looked up to see him masturbating openly opposite me. Disgusted and mortified by what I saw, I quickly moved to the other side of the carriage (where still no one was sitting) but  he deliberately continued, leaving me in a state of severe discomfort.

When another man got on the same carriage at the next  station, he stopped and stood up, adjusted his clothes and acted completely normal… (Because of course, he had more respect and pride towards a man than a woman.)

Getting up from my seat to get off at my station, he too, got up and although this may have been a genuine coincidence, in my head at the time it didn’t seem it. Upon arrival to the station, I ran up the escalators ahead of him in order to report him in time before he got up there (I was hoping for community police officers to be present tbh). In the process of explaining to the only available TFL staff member what had happened, he ran up to the ticket barriers, jumped over them and ran out of the station.

The TFL staff member asked me to come into the office and put me on the phone to report the whole incident in detail to the police in which I did… (This took 15 mins)

They asked me several questions: What happened? How I was feeling? Descriptions of myself and the man etc. (I had no problem answering these questions as after all, I want this man to be prosecuted more than anything.)

This is the third time in the space of a month that I have reported an incident to the police due to harassment, so when the man on the phone asked me if I’ve been a victim of a similar incident before, I replied with “Yes.”

Immediately after my response to that question, I couldn’t help but feel like I, myself was almost the problem here. What was the intention behind such question? What difference would it make if I was or wasn’t a first time victim? Was he trying to create a profile of myself, and my image in public? Or was it possibly a neutral question asked for survey/record purposes? All these questions stayed in my head for the rest of the day.

Meanwhile, the man I was speaking to on the phone asked me for more detailed information regarding what I was wearing. Though this was most likely and understandably for CCTV purposes, I felt obliged to mention to him that I was wearing a long black coat, (even though I still stressed that this should not have happened to anyone, regardless of the type of clothing worn). He quickly agreed and reassured me this case would be taken seriously and dealt with by a specialised team called ‘The Guardian’.

He sounded sincerely disgusted and apologetic about the incident and advised me to take the day off. Although he meant well, taking a day off was not going to solve the issue, hence my decision to write about it, in attempt to raise awareness (even if it’s a small number of people I reach) for similar under-reported incidents that many women are weighed down with and continue to face whilst trying to get on with their daily lives.

I don’t for a millisecond, blame or look down on women that have gone through any form of harassment and have not reported it. It is their choice as it is only those who are put in such an unfortunate situation, would truly understand the courage it takes to get overcome the sensitivity and embarrassment associated with the incident to come forward. However, in my opinion, I would encourage, (and only when women feel ready to do so), to report these cases to the police.

I appreciate that in many cases the police have proven to not be as supportive as we hope for them to be; and nor are we always going to get the outcome that we want. Nevertheless, with some optimism in the civilisation of society; if we all encourage one another to keep reporting incidents, then hopefully some sort of solution will be reached. I would also urge women to continue to be there and support one another through these increasing daily incidents, even if it doesn’t lead to the victim reporting the incident.

I hesitated several times whilst starting to write this and contemplated just keeping it to myself, considering the crude nature of this incident. However, it has come to my attention that this is no longer becoming a ‘once in a blue moon issue’ and it could have easily been burdened on a child, family member, or another member of the public.

Looking back at the past struggles in history, since when has any change occurred from remaining silent?

A social norm by definition is a “repeated collective action/behaviour by members of a society.”

Frankly, I am just so sick of hearing many stories of women suffering from harassment (and I know some stories are more sensitive than this one) with little being done about it. Personally speaking, I will partially put some blame on myself if I let such a “repeated action” become a norm of this so called ‘western civilised society’ without having made an attempt, even if it’s a small one, on social media, by raising awareness on this issue.

– Y.E.

Location: London, UK

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See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea

A guy told me while walking down the street that he wished he was my husband so he could go home to me every night. It made me feel extremely uncomfortable and disrespected.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

I think other people need to be aware of this and come to the support of women that are being harassed. People just shouldn’t stand by and watch it happen.

– Anonymous

Location: downtown Sacramento, CA

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See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea

This Sunday afternoon at around 3:15 p.m., two men, about 6 ft tall, were sitting next to us on the train and leering at us. After a few minutes, we noticed why – they were masturbating at us. At the next train stop when people got off, we moved to sit at the end of the train. They got up, came over, and stood over us and thrust their crotches in our faces. They continued this for 5 more minutes while grinning and trying to intimidate us.

– JS

Location: NYC uptown D train from Grand St to 42nd-Bryant Park

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For all the men out there asking why we women are so hesitant to engage in “friendly conversation” or why we can’t just “be polite” or “acknowledge compliments,” here’s why:

I stopped by the grocery store on my way home from work the other day, around 4 or 5 in the afternoon.  I was perusing the freezer aisle trying to determine which variety of French fries to buy.  My three-year-old daughter was with me, riding in the cart.

A man next to me was also looking through the various offerings of frozen fries, and asked me the difference between steak cut and thick cut.  I said I wasn’t sure.  He mentioned something about how he was a horrible cook and didn’t know how to make anything.  I told him it wasn’t that hard and that I’d found lots of good, easy recipes online.  (For f*ck’s sake dude, they’re frozen fries.  You dump out the bag on a tray and put it in the oven; it’s not rocket science.)

He asked if I liked cooking.  I replied I did; it’s fun to be creative with food & ingredients.

Then he asked if I was married.  I said no, I wasn’t, but that I didn’t see how that had to do with anything.  He proceeds to tell me how he owns 18 different international properties, is worth millions, and something about how well he’d take care of me and how I wouldn’t have to work anymore.  Wow.  WITH AN OFFER LIKE THAT FROM A TOTAL STRANGER, WHO COULD REFUSE?!?!!!!!  Then he expressed his frustration about how hard it was to get dates these days.  I told him to work on that skill called “feeding oneself independently,” and got the f*ck out of there with my fries.

I’d really like my daughter to grow up in a world where she can make grocery-store small talk without getting badgered about marital status in front of her kids someday.  Here’s to hoping.

– Greta

Location: Food City supermarket, Phoenix Arizona

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See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea

A few years ago on Halloween I went to the street party downtown in my costume. Two men grabbed my ass and others called out lewd comments. Then a woman grabbed my ass and say she just wanted to tell me how beautiful I was. She said, “I’m not even sorry about it.”

I felt so demeaned and disgusted by all of these actions. I felt bad about myself from all the negative attention. I left after an hour of being there. It ruined my entire night.

– Anonymous

Location: Santa Cruz, Ca (Pacific st.)

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea