I live in France and Italy. Street harassment is rampant here, on a kind of mundane, day-to-day, non-violent basis.
In Italy I can’t walk down the street without disgusting, lewd stares from men of all ages, nationalities, and backgrounds, plus the occasional whistle or gross comment. I generally feel like a walking vagina. It’s very disturbing and oppressive, not to be able to go about my daily business without getting this kind of attention.
If you’re walking around after sunset, men in cars sometimes slow down to ask if you want a “ride”, insinuating that they hope you’re a prostitute (their attitude: even if you’re not, hey it’s worth a try!). This happened to me a few times in a wealthy neighbourhood close to where I live. It was around 8 or 9pm, I was wearing jogging pants, and was on my way home from a day in the park. It totally grossed me out. It left me feeling disgusting, violated, and disrespected, even though they hadn’t done anything physical or violent.
In France, men grope and stare at girls on public transport. I’ve heard that they actually whistle, grunt, or make comments like “Hey slut, why don’t you smile for me?”. That hasn’t happened to me. But every single day I get on the metro, some man will sit beside me or across from me and make some kind of sickening smile or just stare at me in a really concentrated way, as if he’s in the middle of some disgusting sexual fantasy.
I know it sounds like I’m paranoid — and how could I possible know what is going on in the mind of another person?? But it’s happened so often, roughly 3 or 4 times a day, every day, for 3 years now, that I can actually FEEL it, and it grosses me out. It’s not every single man on the train, obviously. But there’s always at least one.
The men here also rub against you when the metro is really full, and sometimes they even touch your ass when they think no one will notice. Often, when it’s really crowded, a man will stand right beside me with his crotch in my face (if I’m sitting down) and get as close as he can. He’ll even move his coat out of the way, so that there will be no obstruction between his pants and my face or my mouth. It’s disgusting. I’ve had men open their legs while I try to get past, so that I have to brush past their crotch, instead of moving out of the way or standing up so that I don’t have to touch them. And they sometimes move closer just so that you HAVE to brush past them and their crotch as you try to get off the train.
None of these are seriously violent or offensive stories. But each and every time I feel like a sex object, I feel disrespected, and I feel like throwing up.
Because it’s so subtle, I feel as though there’s nothing I can do about it, I feel powerless. At least if they were touching me, I could say “HEY STOP TOUCHING MY BUTT!”. But in these cases, what am I going to say : “HEY STOP STARING AT ME AND SHOVING YOUR CROTCH IN MY FACE!” ?? The thing is, I can’t actually accuse them of anything, because I don’t have any proof. How can I prove that they actually were shoving their crotch in my face on purpose, and that it wasn’t just the unfortunate consequence of an overcrowded train. The thing is, they use the situation to their advantage, and I guess that’s why so many men do it. It’s like they know they can get away with it, even though they know they really shouldn’t, because it can be explained away by the circumstances. As long as they don’t get caught red-handed, it’s faire game! So by all means, if the situation allows it, be my guest! (No thought as t o: hey, maybe she might feel uncomfortable if I do this. Maybe I shouldn’t actually do it.)
I don’t know how to deal with it. And it happens so often, it’s just exhausting. It’s now a regular part of my day, and I really wish guys would just knock it off.
Do they really think we’re just meat lined up on the shelf? Do they really just think they can examine us as they like, turn us over mentally, enjoy our physical attributes as if we were some toy at a sex store? It’s disgusting, and I wish it would stop now! Any advice on how to deal with it would be amazing…
I am thinking of printing up a little card and giving it to every man who does this to me in the future. Something to the effect of : “Dude, you’re staring at me, cut it out! I am not a sex object, and I am not here for your contemplation, or for your sexual satisfaction. It’s rude and disrespectful. Stop it now please. Thank you!”
Optional: Do you have any suggestions for dealing with harassers and/or ending street harassment in general?
Awareness! Men don’t know about it. (Creeps think it’s okay to harass girls; and nice guys don’t know it’s a problem)
Get the message out into the public in 2 ways:
1. Create awareness about the problem through posters in public places, in cities everywhere (GRUNTS ARE NOT COMPLIMENTS! MY NAME IS NOT BABY!). General message: dude, this is not okay!
2. Create positive ideas about women in people’s minds, through public posters, positive ad campaigns, or other forms of communication.
Just put up positive images and ideas about women everywhere, in public places! Public opinion is highly susceptible to the images it sees in its environment (this is why advertising works.) So do the same thing big companies do in their ad campaigns, but to create a positive image of women.
The product: women as human beings, worthy of respect and appreciation. The means: images of women that incite feelings of positivity, respect, admiration, whatever
– SL
Location: Paris, France
Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea
