I am currently traveling through Europe. I went to Scotland with my University, London with friends, and I am an Au Pair in Italy now. While in Italy I had a few days off and decided to travel alone to Rome. For those of you who have not been to Rome, it is JAM PACKED with people. It’s overwhelming, and to be honest, it was not very fun.
When you ride the metro or buses you are almost always squished like sardines. I went on a bus hoping to go to the Trevi Fountain and, surprise surprise, it was packed with people. I ended up being near an older man (60’s?) with my back to him. Once the bus started I noticed that someone kept pushing into my back and my side. I turned around and it was the old man. I told myself that this man couldn’t be rubbing himself against me and it was just the bus movements. But the mans groin area continued to push against me. I looked again and to my horror, he had a boner. I tried to get away from him but the bus was full.
Then a different older man asked if I would like to take a seat. I though he was being polite and graciously took the open seat to get away the man who was rubbing himself against me. When I sat down in the seat, the man (also in his 60’s) positioned himself to where he had his arms on the poles that were on either side of my seat and he put one leg up on the area where I sat (the seats were like one step up) and basically pinned me into my seat. This made me uncomfortable and his belly kept squishing me as well as his groin. I told my self NO WAY would this happen within five seconds of the other man. But once again, it was happening. He started gyrating and moving his hips in circles. I felt paralyzed. I don’t speak Italian, and even if I did I had lost my voice. I, a feminist who tells her friends to always make a scene and speak out when someone does this exact thing, had lost her voice.
I had never experienced sexual assault like this, and never in a country where I can’t speak the language. It was terrifying. I felt ashamed for not shouting out and cursing at the man like I would have if I was a bystander and not the one being attacked. I decided that the best way to get out of it was to leave. I said “this is my stop” (hoping he understood) and he put his hand on my back and I shoved it away and got off the bus.
I went down to an area with few people and cried. I was stuck in a city where I didn’t speak the language and had no one to comfort me and I felt so ashamed for not sticking up for myself. But I am even more angry at the bystanders. The bus was full of people someone could have helped me and told him to stop or at least ask if everything was ok but instead they let it happen.
Bystanders doing nothing is something that has happened to many of my friends who have been sexually assaulted as well. This is something that needs to change. All in all, this experience has made me stronger and I feel like now, whatever the world throws at me I am prepared. But when it was happening I felt helpless, I don’t want anyone to feel that way. Ever.
We need to stop street harassment around the world. Because of those disgusting men, I refused to take the bus and stuck to the metro, which was very limited, and walking. I was really scared it would happen again.
Optional: Do you have any suggestions for dealing with harassers and/or ending street harassment in general?
If you can yell at your harasser and make them stop, do it. If you can’t, if your voice just can’t come out, like mine, it is ok. It is not your fault, you did nothing wrong. If you see someone harassing someone, stop them or get someone who can if the situation is not safe. Talk about street harassment and the way it has effected you. Help educate others on why it is wrong and why it needs to stop. Give a voice to those who are voiceless.
– C.W.
Location: Rome, Italy
Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea
