This morning I stepped out of my apartment and started walking to the subway station – four blocks from my apartment. After two blocks, a man walking from around the corner ends up on the same sidewalk as me, about five yards behind.
Immediately, I hear, “Daaaamn, when you walk like that it jiggles. Looks good from here though. Bless you AND ya mama. Bless you.”
I have two options here. I can ignore him and keep walking, picking up my pace a bit to distance myself. But then he’ll take notice of this passive (almost submissive) behavior, and he might want to take advantage of that. He might keep following me. He might make more comments. He might even take action. He might grab me.
My other option is to turn around and look him dead in the eye and stand up for myself, telling him it’s not okay for him to speak to someone that way. But then he might get offended. He might not appreciate that I spoke at all – I’m supposed to just be an object, right? He might want to shut me up and put me in my place. He might try to attack me. He might try to rape me. He might try to hit me.
While I’m mulling over my two absolutely stellar options on this empty street in Brooklyn at 11 o’clock in the morning, I wonder to myself, “Should I not have worn these leggings? Should I not have worn these booty heels? Is it somehow my fault?” FU** THAT. These leggings are comfortable as shit, and it’s fu**ing cold outside. And I like these shoes – I think they’re cute. That’s why I fu**ing picked them out at the store and bought them. That’s why they were manufactured – for women to wear outside. Not for men to attack women for wearing them.
I should mention I’m also wearing a baggy t-shirt and a huge soccer backpack. I could have been wearing a sack and this man would have found a way to comment on my ankles or my hair or the fact that I have a skeleton covered in skin.
I ended up choosing the first option – saying nothing, picking up my pace (which of course I’m realizing makes “it jiggle” even more – great!). I ducked into the first coffee shop I came upon and waited a few minutes for the coast to be clear. After this all happened, I found myself wishing I had stood up for myself and said something. After all, that’s the only way he’s going to learn that he did something wrong.
However, in this situation, standing up for yourself also means risking your safety and your life. I’ve never been raped. I’ve never been physically assaulted. I live in a nice enough neighborhood. And yet, I live in fear of the day someone will find me in a vulnerable situation and take advantage of me.
No woman should have to live in fear. No woman should have to be alert for rape – no woman should be responsible for preventing it from happening. The next time you try to tell me that men are just “paying me a compliment,” think twice. Say nothing.
Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?
Educate young men.
– Kerry
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea.
