Archives for November 2015

For about three weeks I have been walking to the train station itself to wait for my bus. It has gotten so windy and cold out now to stand at the bus stop now that it’s November. As the bus pulls up, a line forms for people to insert their bus fare into the machine. While I am checking my messages on my phone I notice that through my peripheral vision that his middle age man in a blue jacket and grey hat has turned towards me and started saying “My, my. my.”

His tone alone made the words “leave me alone” echo in my head. I was mainly focused on my phone, which he noticed so he repeated, “My, my, my” at me again. Since we were in a line I stepped off the the side and said, ‘Excuse me’ in an effort to come off as if I wasn’t really paying attention to him. He looked at me and said something along the lines of ‘I look beautiful’. (Again, I was more focused on responding a message on my phone so I just brushed him off thinking that’s he’s just showing off his ignorance).

He said, “I’ve seen you some times get on the 24 bus”. The 24 is not my usual bus so I don’t know what confused nonsense he was talking about. It came off as ‘stalker-like’. The thought alone made me feel vile.

That was the first time. I never thought I’d have to see that person again. I was wrong.

I was waiting for the bus again at the same station gateway when the same man made the acknowledgement that he saw me yesterday. Once again, my mind was juggling between schoolwork and how I would I spend next time with my boyfriend so I didn’t hear word for word what he said. I got a slightly better look at this guy and my only inner comment was that he looked old enough to be my father’s uncle and my dad is 52! I was definitely bothered now.

It’s not just what he’s saying that struck a nerve with me. It’s because of the sheer fact that if someone is not acknowledging you, it’s only common sense to leave that person alone, but this guy wasn’t getting the hint. He’s either oblivious or a jackass!

If that wasn’t bad enough there was a third time. Like I said, I. had. enough.

If that guy ever tries fishing for my attention again then I’m telling him off! I was boarding the bus as usual and standing in line to insert bus fare when you-know-who showed up saying ‘hello again’. I ignored him the first time and then he repeated it again.

That’s it! “Leave me alone you disgusting vole!” I shouted at him. There was one person in front of me and another in back of me so they certainly saw and heard me say it too. He just smirked and tried to play it off for the other people who saw. I then turned to board the bus thinking he probably wasn’t expecting me to speak up. As soon as I sat down with my book in hand this same jackass sat in the seat across from me and tried to tap the two-seater I was in to get my attention again! He stopped after more people began to board the bus. What was this guy’s problem?!

Before I even said anything my body language said ‘not interested.’ and ‘sure as hell not interested’. It should’ve stopped the first time but I hope that there won’t be a fourth time.

– Nia H.

Location: Newark Penn Station, NJ

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea.

This morning I stepped out of my apartment and started walking to the subway station – four blocks from my apartment. After two blocks, a man walking from around the corner ends up on the same sidewalk as me, about five yards behind.

Immediately, I hear, “Daaaamn, when you walk like that it jiggles. Looks good from here though. Bless you AND ya mama. Bless you.”

I have two options here. I can ignore him and keep walking, picking up my pace a bit to distance myself. But then he’ll take notice of this passive (almost submissive) behavior, and he might want to take advantage of that. He might keep following me. He might make more comments. He might even take action. He might grab me.

My other option is to turn around and look him dead in the eye and stand up for myself, telling him it’s not okay for him to speak to someone that way. But then he might get offended. He might not appreciate that I spoke at all – I’m supposed to just be an object, right? He might want to shut me up and put me in my place. He might try to attack me. He might try to rape me. He might try to hit me.

While I’m mulling over my two absolutely stellar options on this empty street in Brooklyn at 11 o’clock in the morning, I wonder to myself, “Should I not have worn these leggings? Should I not have worn these booty heels? Is it somehow my fault?” FU** THAT. These leggings are comfortable as shit, and it’s fu**ing cold outside. And I like these shoes – I think they’re cute. That’s why I fu**ing picked them out at the store and bought them. That’s why they were manufactured – for women to wear outside. Not for men to attack women for wearing them.

I should mention I’m also wearing a baggy t-shirt and a huge soccer backpack. I could have been wearing a sack and this man would have found a way to comment on my ankles or my hair or the fact that I have a skeleton covered in skin.

I ended up choosing the first option – saying nothing, picking up my pace (which of course I’m realizing makes “it jiggle” even more – great!). I ducked into the first coffee shop I came upon and waited a few minutes for the coast to be clear. After this all happened, I found myself wishing I had stood up for myself and said something. After all, that’s the only way he’s going to learn that he did something wrong.

However, in this situation, standing up for yourself also means risking your safety and your life. I’ve never been raped. I’ve never been physically assaulted. I live in a nice enough neighborhood. And yet, I live in fear of the day someone will find me in a vulnerable situation and take advantage of me.

No woman should have to live in fear. No woman should have to be alert for rape – no woman should be responsible for preventing it from happening. The next time you try to tell me that men are just “paying me a compliment,” think twice. Say nothing.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

Educate young men.

– Kerry

Location: Brooklyn, NY

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea.