USA/India: We Need Equality in the Kitchen and the Streets

Rupande Mehta, New Jersey, USA SSH Blog Correspondent

A few days ago I came across a picture on Facebook that compared rotis (Indian bread) made by wives through a traditional (arranged) marriage and love marriage. The arranged marriage wife’s roti looked excellent, had the desired plumpness and was extremely edible. It looked like something that comes out of my mom’s kitchen. The love marriage roti, on the other hand, looked far from edible; burnt and flat. It was nothing like what most Indian men would expect when they sit down to dinner. And if they did, their disappointment would be transparent or there would be facetious innuendo in reference to the wife’s culinary skills.

I don’t know how to make rotis, never learnt and frankly don’t care that I cannot make them. My husband can cook and we never discussed my inability to make a particular kind of food. Still, that picture bothered me. The collective consciousness inside me took a dramatic turn for the worse when a friend passed along the source of the link; a popular food curation portal, Food Talk India. Shared as a ‘funny meme’, the site claimed it posted the picture in ‘good humor’ but when there was backlash from several quarters of the society, they wisely took the picture down. Despite the criticism, the site though through one their cronies, sent Vagabomb what they thought of the controversy: a picture of a penis.

Now I am not a bra burning feminist, I like my bra where it belongs…thank you very much but such pictures and attitudes are at the very crux of the gender inequality debate. These are the ideas that propagate the belief that a woman belongs in the kitchen and the man does not. In India, where the last few years have seen stalwart economic progress, such pictures successfully demonstrate the long road women have to fight to get justice and equal societal norms. It shows the kinds of “standards” we expect from a woman of honor; the one who always “does the right thing” and knows how to keep her husband happy and her family cultured.

If we all engage in eating, is it not discriminatory to expect only the woman to cook? Putting a woman to such practices is no different than saying that she deserves to be catcalled on the streets or she has no right to dress a certain way and if she was assaulted it is definitely because she brought it on. It sets the stage for those other crimes that we get so passionate about and want to castrate men for.

I do not believe that any gender is superior. My feminism is not a fight to make one gender better than the other but to fight for equality. If I am expected to cook and clean so should my male counterpart. If I am told, “you have no marital prospects because your rotis are burnt”, so should a man. We do not live in a primeval world where the man hunts and the woman gathers. We have reached the era where men and women walk toe to toe and contribute equally to the welfare of a family.

In a day where women are constantly breaking the glass ceiling, why are we still circulating pictures of the rotis they can make? At which level is this funny? And how are such attitudes supposed to break the stereotypes that lead to other aggressive assaulting behaviors towards women? Believe it or not, these “hilarious” photos lay the foundation to prejudiced mentality and contribute in the next layer of beliefs that women can be harassed on the streets, raped or do not have the right to consent.

Perhaps Kalki Koechlin is right and the issue of women’s safety will forever burn in India. In her latest poem, “The Printing Machine”, the outspoken and fierce actor has succinctly laid down everything that is wrong with our culture. Making several references to the countless rapes registered in the country since 2012, she says, “How our great Indian heritage fell to its knees at the mercy of our innocent little printing machines.” Set to a percussive soundtrack, Kalki delivers a scathing attack on stereotypes, indifferent attitudes and India’s traditional culture that is used to primarily promulgate further discrimination of women.

In the end it is not about the dumb picture. Also, I am not making a big deal out of nothing. A subtle picture such as this goes a long way in showing that there still exist many educated men from our generation, who fought for Nirbhaya and stand for women’s safety, delving on attitudes where the size and texture of women’s rotis is used as a reminder of their real role in society. It goes to show that despite India’s equality and safety movement, my mom’s premonition for women, at some level, was accurate: no matter how educated we are; we will always end up in the kitchen.

A picture speaks a thousand words. This one did just that.

Rupande grew up in Mumbai, India, and now resides in the U.S. She has an MBA and is currently working towards her MPA, looking to specialize in Non Profit Management. You can find her writing on her blog at Rupande-mehta.tumblr.com or follow her on Twitter @rupandemehta.