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Archives for April 2016

50,000 People Use #WhenIwas to Share Experiences of Sexism, Harassment and Abuse

April 25, 2016 By HKearl

Last week, more than 50,000 people used the Twitter hashtag #WhenIwas to share their first experiences of sexism, harassment and assault. They show how huge the problem is and how young it starts.

Laura Bates, founder of the Everday Sexism Project, started the hashtag and wrote about why in a recent article for The Telegraph:

“I started it because I wanted people to recognise that sexism, harassment, discrimination and abuse can begin from a shockingly young age.

When you talk about women being shouted at in the street, or fielding unwanted sexual advances in the workplace – as we do daily on the Everyday Sexism Project, which I founded – a common response is: ‘It’s just a bit of fun – can’t you take a harmless compliment?’

One of the most effective ways to counter that argument is to reveal the fact that this ‘harmless fun’ starts when girls are under the age of 10-years-old. That we’re talking about schoolgirls in their uniform being groped on public transport, or hearing grown men shout at them in language so sexually explicit they sometimes don’t even understand what it means.

What kind of ‘compliment’ is that? The idea that sexual harassment is just gentle flattery completely fails to acknowledge the fact that it sets up a power dynamic. This is about preying on women, asserting power and control over them. Nothing about that is flattering.”

I agree and always mention the young age that street harassment begins in media interviews and speeches that I give. If we can’t all agree that grown women shouldn’t have to face sexual harassment and abuse, surely we can all agree that girls shouldn’t, right??

Bates concludes her article by saying:

“The #WhenIwas hashtag makes difficult reading, but it is important, especially for those who want to believe that these things are ‘one off’ incidents. While many men have tweeted their shock at the stories being shared, many women remarked that they could identify with almost every single one.

It’s sad that this is what it takes for people to recognise the problem. That an individual woman’s word isn’t enough for people to believe her until 50,000 others come forward and say that the same thing has happened to them, too. That even when we provide reams of examples, people continue to doubt the systemic nature of the problem.

I hope that movements like the one I started last week help those who might have been made to feel ashamed – or even responsible for what happened to them – to realise that it was never their fault, and that they’re not alone.”

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Filed Under: News stories, street harassment Tagged With: everyday sexism, laura bates, trending twitter, WhenIwas, young age

“It’s sad that two five year old girls had to learn about sex like that.”

April 25, 2016 By Contributor

When I was about four or five, I was riding my bike with my sister who was the same age.

Well, at one point my sister had ridden up the road but hadn’t come back, so I went up to find her. I found her with two guys about high school age. The guys asked me if I wanted to suck their d****. I had no idea what they meant, clearly, so then they offered me money to do it.

Well, I immediately went home and told my mom, who then went and got my sister. She took us to the library to give us a crash course on sex education.

It’s sad that two five year old girls had to learn about sex like that.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

Better education. People need to learn that this isn’t ok and that it shouldn’t be tolerated

– Anonymous

Location: By my house

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea
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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment Tagged With: girls, sexual abuse

Survey about African American Women’s Experiences in Public Spaces

April 24, 2016 By HKearl

4/29/16 UPDATED: Women ages 18-40 may take the survey.

Attention African American women ages 18-35 years old, female African American researchers at Yale University are studying YOUR experiences in public spaces and would love to hear from you.  The survey will take 22-25 minutes of your time. The researchers believe that everyone has a unique story to tell, and they would like to help tell your story. Get updates via the Sidewalk Culture Facebook page.

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Filed Under: race, Resources, Stories Tagged With: african american women, research, yale

“Rock the boat. Raise a fuss. Things won’t change otherwise”

April 24, 2016 By Contributor

Growing up, I lived in a not so great part of town. It didn’t bother me much. My family knew there were some not so great things happening around us, but we had very few if any horror stories. We lived in a nice quaint house, near a park, and my parents were honest, hard working people. It was practically normal.

Once I hit adolescence, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. It was really hard on me, so how did I cope? I went out walking. First it was to the park nearby, then I branched out further into the neighborhood. The first time I got honked at, I wondered if I violated some traffic rule. I couldn’t think of anything, but I was all of 11. Who knows.

But then it kept up. And it wasn’t just honking (which still in my mind could be anything). It was yelling. Middle fingers. Lewd remarks. 11…12…13…14… My childlike body (I grew while everyone else developed, then they grew and I filled out) was being objectified and sexualized. I was proud of myself for not throwing myself at the first guy I met, like so many of my peers did, and that was being challenged and defiled every time some numb skull had to yell some obscenity at me. I couldn’t take my time to myself, collect my thoughts, and grieve the loss of my mother, without having a back up contingency of what to scream back when (not if) someone yelled at me on the streets.

It got better in high school, I was largely left alone. I moved neighborhoods, and wasn’t out as much as I had been due to the environment change. But when I was outside, it wasn’t so bad. College, it got weird again. I would go to work, and get hit on relentlessly. Men would stare me down, not let me leave situations, try to get my information, you name it. It was disgusting, and violating. I was at work, doing a job, not looking for my next hook up or boyfriend.

It got to the point where I dreaded going to work, because I got tired of fending off horny perverts in the middle of my shift. I did a year abroad in France for school, and it was terrible. I almost took one case with obscene texts to the local police. Even an American male friend of mine said he gave up trying to honestly meet a girl, because French girls had to put up so many barriers and he got tired of being treated like another jerk. I will defend this friend and say his motives were most likely in the right place, and he would have been a gentleman.

Getting married hasn’t even entirely warded it off. A wedding ring is seen as a challenge, where a “no” means try harder, and comments like “what my husband doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” I get tired of people checking my left hand to make sure it’s “safe.” There are certain communities my husband and I are part of, and I can’t even have the common courtesy of being respected there. Granted, sex and sexual practices are a big part of it, but people seem to think because of that, they’re entitled to your time, attention, and favors. There is no respect for boundaries, or what a person’s goals are for their activity in the community.

I’ve never considered myself particularly attractive, though I know my husband and several others would disagree, but I think now as an adult, part of it comes from those first experiences as a kid, walking in my neighborhood. Being yelled at on the street didn’t make me feel attractive, sexy, or desirable. It made me feel violated, and unsafe. It made me want to retract, and hide any part of my physical appearance I could. The less attractive I made myself, the less it would happen. Being “cat called” never made me feel pretty. It made me feel like trash. And there is a resounding impact on my self image today, because of the lessons street harassment taught me.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

We have to start teaching our children better. We need to teach our sons that it’s never acceptable to treat a woman that way, and that women have a right to their own personal space and autonomy, just as boys do. We need to teach our daughters to stand up for themselves, and not take crap. You can’t always fire back at the person who has violated you. If they’re in a car moving at 40 mph and you’re walking, it just isn’t gonna happen.

We need to teach our girls they don’t have to apologize to anyone for having a backbone and standing up to whoever is belittling them. We’re taught that we should endure anything and everything, so long as it makes the world around us pleasant for others. This needs to stop. Rock the boat. Raise a fuss. Things won’t change otherwise.

– Erika S

Location: My neighborhood, workplace

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea
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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

“The frustration just builds up inside”

April 23, 2016 By Contributor

Street harassment happens a lot where I live (Newcastle, UK). This story isn’t about a time I was harassed, it’s about when I realised how bad the problem actually is.

Over the 4 or 5 years that I’ve lived here, I’ve been told to smile more times than I can remember.

A man once drove onto the pavement and tried to get me into his car.

Men in vehicles have slowed right down to have a better look at me (including a uniformed UPS driver and a Gateshead Council van).

A pedestrian stuck his head in my car.

Other drivers have slowed down, making sexual gestures at me.

Men have told me they’d like to “slip their cocktail in my vagina” that I’ve got “a weird arse” and “a nice body but it’s a shame about the face.”

Men have randomly shouted “pussy” at me.

Men have blocked my path.

Men have followed me down the street.

I am beeped at by men in passing cars pretty much every time I leave the house.

The other day a man catcalled as I was unlocking my front door. The last one scared me a lot as this creep now knows where I live, what I drive, and what time I come home.

I try to let it go, but I feel so powerless. I want to hit them, to throw rocks at their cars, but I know I’d be the one who ends up in trouble with the police if I did. The frustration just builds up inside.

A week or so ago I’d had a busy few days and was feeling hungry and tired. I didn’t have much to eat, so I thought I’d take a walk to the shops. Then I didn’t, because I just didn’t have the strength to let another attack go, and I knew there was a really high chance of something happening if I went out.

That hit HARD. I called for takeout instead. And cried.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

Specifically criminalise non-physical harassment like shouting, beeping and name calling.

– SA

Location: Newcastle, UK

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea
.

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

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