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Archives for June 2016

“I am terrified that I will be assaulted or harassed again”

June 20, 2016 By Contributor

I am no stranger to street harassment. When I was only 9 years old, some middle-aged pervert hanging out at his parents’ house next to my bus stop would wait for me to get off the bus and follow me home every day after school. (This guy was a convicted rapist and it seemed he had his eye on me.) This experience left me constantly on guard whenever walking anywhere.

When I was 11, I was walking home from school, and he pulled his car alongside me, stopping just a little bit ahead of me and asked if I wanted a ride. I just kept walking and thankfully he didn’t follow me home that time. My parents called the cops but they didn’t seem to take it seriously, and didn’t even bother notifying the school that a creeper had tried to pick up one of their students. (That guy is now serving a lengthy prison sentence for raping someone else.)

This sort of thing continued over the years. When I was around 19 years old, I was walking home from the bus stop at the end of my street after a long day at the local junior college, and an older guy pulled up alongside me and offered me a ride. I shook my head and kept walking…and he kept driving really slow alongside me, trying to persuade me to get in. He claimed he was crippled and had to return a DVD to Walmart, but didn’t know where Walmart was (then how the hell did he buy something from there in the first place?) When that approach didn’t work, he tried to lure me by saying he had weed. He followed me all the way to my house, even though I was walking as fast as I could and kept ignoring him. Finally he sped away once I ran up my driveway, but I was paranoid for a long time after that because now he knew where I lived. Thankfully he never turned up again, but I shudder to think what he would have done had I been foolish enough to get in the car with him!

But the worst case of street harassment I ever encountered was about four years ago. By my late 20s I was struggling with severe anxiety and depression, and I rarely left my apartment because of it. Because of this, I put on some weight. It took me a long time to motivate myself to start going for walks to try to lose some of the weight. The day I finally worked up the nerve to go for a walk, I invited my boyfriend’s half-sister (who was staying with us) to go with me. We were only about a block away from the apartment when a car full of young thugs pulled up alongside us and the driver screamed out the window: “Oh my god, what a fat ugly bitch!” I knew he was talking to me because my boyfriend’s sister wasn’t fat. I was so livid. My heart was pounding and before I could stop myself, I yelled back “F**k you!”

This angered the driver and his friends, and he started cussing and screaming at me about how he was going to tie me to the back of his car by my hair and drag me to my death! I was so scared I was shaking. There were even witnesses around on the side of the streets and nobody stepped up and said anything! Finally the car drove away, and my boyfriend’s sister and I turned around and hurried home, terrified that they would turn around and follow us back to the apartment. I felt physically sick and wanted to die. I could not stop crying or shaking once I was back home, and I have not gone for a walk in my neighborhood since. Which has been problematic as far as losing weight, but I am terrified that I will be assaulted or harassed again.

– S.B.

Location: Yuba City, California

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

“I hide at my workplace as much as I can”

June 19, 2016 By Contributor

“If you are willing to look at another person’s behavior toward you as a reflection of the state of their relationship with themselves rather than a statement about your value as a person, then you will, over a period of time cease to react at all.” – Yogi Bhajan

That period of time he’s referring to must be longer than a Peace Corps service, because I don’t feel any closer to letting the harassment wash over me. Every day that I stay in Namibia, it takes a new form: “I’m coming to visit you in your room;” “Man you are so beautiful, I want a white lady like you;” “You white people are so self important, you’re a bad person;” “You want me, we are getting married.”

The most common advice people give me is to respond with humor. This sounded like a good idea, until I realized I have a hard time finding the hilarity in being harassed because of my sex or skin color. Instead of laughing I feel like crying. I feel small and afraid. I refuse to pretend I think it’s funny to disrespect people you don’t know on the street. I’ve decided I’m being truest to myself when I tell the perpetrator they’re doing something wrong. To this end I had a friend teach me, ‘/ha xu te, sora tetsge ha’, which means ‘leave me alone, you are disrespecting me’ in Damara, one of the local languages.

The people shouting after you on the street are cowards, which is why walking in a group decreases the frequency of harassment. You might say that’s common knowledge, but I like to experience something for myself before I can believe it. I have now confirmed it’s true, the worst harassment I’ve experienced has been while walking alone. To minimize my exposure I hide at my workplace as much as I can. Nevertheless, I have experienced more harassment here in the past year than in the all the other years of my life combined.

I’ve become better at avoiding situations where I’m likely to be harassed, but once in a while, someone slips through my defenses. I look forward to returning to the U.S. where I imagine, perhaps a bit romantically, that I can feel safe walking down the street again.

chroniclesofnamibia.com

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

More gender awareness training in schools.

– Christine Callahan

Location: Outjo/Namibia

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

“Mind your own business!”

June 19, 2016 By Contributor

I was walking home from work and I was approaching two guys who were walking in the opposite direction but on the same side of the street as I was. One of the guys said, “Hey girl, you look sexy”. I faced toward him and yelled, “Mind your own business!”

I know he got the point.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

Educate boys and men about the right and wrong ways of interacting with women in public.

– Anonymous

Location: City

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

“I am so intimidated by men”

June 18, 2016 By Contributor

I’ve faced harassment at my gym, a running trail near my house, a Starbucks across from my house, as well as other public places. Men repeatedly make sexual comments. I also get sexual comments like, “I would like to ****” or “You’re easy” at my public gym. When I go to certain public places, men will gawk at me for an extended period and some men go as far as to stalk me at the grocery store.

I was sexually groped at a temporary assignment job and I never went back. Also at a part time job I had accepted, an old man kept stalking me on the first day on my job, repeatedly asking me out and calling me cute. I never went back again. Although I reported it to the manager he did not seem to take me seriously. He said he would call the union but he looked at me like I was his next meal.

I am so intimidated by men that I tend to plan where I will go, what I will wear, when I will l go there and have refused job offers based on my fears.

– NR

Location: Gym, jobs, grocery, Starbucks, public places

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

Jordan: Article 308 and the Human Cost of Honour

June 17, 2016 By Correspondent

Minying Huang, Amman, Jordan, SSH Blog Correspondent

TW: Rape, sexual violence, honour killings

Article 308 - Rand Abdul Nour
Article 308 – By artist Rand Abdul Nour

Barely discernible beneath heavily patterned fabrics – those used at weddings, funerals, and parliamentary elections – are the faint figures of women who have been raped. Silent and caged in tradition, the obscured female presence is at once a sign of oppression and a mark of resilience as she fights to retain her identity, refusing to disappear.

Earlier this year, I attended Rand Abdul Nour’s first solo art exhibition at Artisana & Gallery 14 in Amman, the capital of Jordan. ‘Woman II: Adorned with Jasmin’ offered a powerful visual commentary on how pervasive concepts of ‘honour’ hurt communities of women in Jordanian society. In her work, the artist condemns a brutal and rigid honour code enshrined in – and thus championed by – law: her paintings, beautifully rendered in oil on canvas, are a direct criticism of Article 308 of the Jordanian Penal Code which controversially allows rapists to go unpunished if they marry their victim and stay with them for a minimum of five years.

Lacking social support and legal protection, victims of rape and other forms of sexual abuse are left vulnerable and isolated. The dangers they face are twofold: honour killings* carried out by other family members are a widespread phenomenon in Jordan due to the severe social stigma surrounding sexual activity out of wedlock, the culture of victim blaming, and the way in which the identities and behaviours of a man’s female relatives have come to be bound up in both his own sense of male worth and societal conceptions of masculinity and morality; meanwhile, the legal structures in place at the moment – including those relating to abortion and parental lineage – not only endorse marriage to one’s attacker as a means of preserving the reputation of the victim and their family, but can also be said to strip victims of any real choice. Women’s rights activists in the country say that the majority of rape cases that do not result in pregnancy go unreported because revealing the truth is considered too great a risk; there is too much to lose and little certainty of a fair outcome. It has been estimated that 95% of rapists face no punishment for their crimes.

Four years ago, hundreds of Jordanians gathered together to form a human chain in the streets of Amman demanding basic rights for women, protesting against Article 308 in addition to the prevalence of honour crimes, harassment, and nationality discrimination in society. Last year, the Sisterhood Is Global Institute/Jordan (SIGI/J) launched a campaign, along with a civil coalition, with the aim of eliminating Article 308 and securing better psychological and legal provisions for those affected by sexual violence. The results of a study they conducted on local attitudes to rape and impunity showed that in reality many Jordanians are against Article 308 and believe that rapists should be punished regardless of whether or not they intend to marry their victims. After these findings were presented, the Legislation and Opinion Bureau in Amman finally began to review the article and consider SIGI’s proposals.

In April this year, it was announced that the Cabinet was in favour of cancelling the clause in Article 308 that permits perpetrators of sexual assault to walk free if they marry their victims and that the draft laws were being forwarded to Parliament for review. This important move towards achieving justice and equality comes after years of lobbying and campaigning on the part of various civil community organisations, legal experts, journalists, and activists. Progress is being made, thanks to the persevering spirit of communities of women fighting to reclaim control of their own bodies.

However, whilst change looks to be on the horizon, there is still much cause for concern. Today, in spite of the recent amendments, people continue to campaign for the complete cancellation of the article. As it stands, the article maintains that in cases of consensual sex with female minors aged 15 to 18 men may escape conviction through marriage. But it is especially difficult to differentiate between forced and consensual sex when the victim is underage. Furthermore, this remaining clause dangerously puts young girls under vast amounts of pressure to accept marriage as a resolution so as to avoid bringing dishonour and social disgrace upon themselves and their families.

Lubna Dawany, president at SIGI Jordan, has received heart-breaking letters from young girls coerced into – and now trapped in – these marriages: they detail the trauma they have sustained and their prolonged suffering at the hands of their rapists and their families; they urge other girls to resist, to never to agree to marriage under similar terms. She comments, “The new proposed change in law, which suggests that the clause be deleted but kept in place for girls under 18 years old, is unacceptable. How can it be allowed that perpetrators of sexual violence marry their teenage victims who are not treated as adults in any other aspects of their lives? On the contrary, I think that this is the age where we should support them and not leave them to such a vague future. Girls this age are still children and under no circumstances should we let them get married even to decent men, let alone their abusers.”

There is no honour in pardoning a rapist, nor is there any honour in sentencing a young girl – or a grown woman – to live in the same house as the man who abused her, to be wed to a man who would do her harm, and to be subject to his will. SIGI’s survey is a testament to the fact that traditional surface attitudes do not reflect the shifting realities within Jordanian society. We should celebrate the strength and resilience of the individuals and communities petitioning for systematic reform, unafraid to make their voices heard. Artists and activists alike are committed to redefining social values in the face of adversity and raising awareness of the issues at hand. An important and much-needed conversation on female agency in a patriarchal society has been started; hopefully increasing numbers of people will join the discussion, push for change, and help put an end to the numerous human rights violations carried out against women in the name of ‘honour’.

Here in Jordan, women are breaking the silence and painting themselves back into the narrative.

*For more information, read Rana Husseini’s book Murder in the Name of Honour.

Minying is a 19-year-old British-born Chinese student from Cambridge, England. She is studying for a BA in Spanish and Arabic at Oxford University and is currently on her Year Abroad in Amman, Jordan. You can follow her on Twitter @minyingh.

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Filed Under: correspondents Tagged With: art, honor killing, jordan

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