This happened when I was in college in Madison, WI. State Street is the epicenter of downtown, lined with small stores, filled with people walking between the capitol building and the campus. It was a beautiful summer day and I was heading to work, enjoying the positive energy around me. Out of the corner of my eye I caught glimpse of a tall, red haired bearded man sauntering towards me with a slow, odd gait. As he passed me, suddenly he reached out, grabbed my crotch and just kept on walking. I was stunned. Here in the middle of the day, in the middle of a highly populated street, a stranger completely violated my personal space and my personal being.
I instinctively yelled ‘hey’ out of shock and indignation. ‘Hey’ as in ‘how dare you touch me’. ‘Hey’ as in ‘why in the world would you do that’? And then I felt shame. Embarrassed that other people saw me in that vulnerable moment. Embarrassed that no one did anything. Ashamed because I felt like a second class citizen. Why was I the one he chose to treat like a commodity that had no value? My friends encouraged me to call the police. They brought pictures and asked me to identify the man. They seemed to be very familiar with him. I stared at the photos, all of men with curly red hair and beards. They blurred together and I chose the wrong one. The police officers were very kind and empathetic. They gave me a card with a phone number and told me to call if I ever saw the man again.
A few days later I spotted him, this time on the other side of the street. I made a bee line for the nearest pay phone (no cell phones back in the early ’80s) and made the call. The dispatcher told me to stay on the phone while she notified the nearest officer. A few minutes later a squad car drove by slowly with the man in the back seat. ‘Is that the man who assaulted you?’ I answered ‘yes’ while terrified that he would look in my direction. He didn’t.
I have no idea what happened after that. I did occasionally see him walking the streets (apparently he had a history of being a ‘street person’) but I never allowed myself to be in his proximity. The way I walk down busy streets forever changed. I walk with a heightened sense of awareness of my surroundings. I walk with a sense of defensiveness and distrust. Growing up on the south side of Chicago I had learned those strategies at an early age. But in moving to a smaller town I had enjoyed a level of trust and comfort until that day.
Now, more than 30 years later I still find myself triggered by certain actions that mimic that incident. I have a visceral response that takes me back to that moment and that feeling of disgust and shame. Logically, I know the difference. Instinctively, my body doesn’t always and can shut down in a nanosecond. If I still have such a strong reaction after all these years, I can only imagine the impact of a more intrusive sexual assault.
Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?
Provide information and training on personal safety. Ultimately we need to feel in control of our situation whether or not outside forces do or don’t offer support.
– Nancy S
Location: Downtown Madison, WI
Need support? Call the toll-free National Street Harassment hotline: 855-897-5910
Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for ideas.
