Archives for July 2017

I was in a city with my family on the 4th of July. We’d been out all day, walking and sweating among the throngs at a festival–so that when the sky finally darkened and the fireworks began over the plaza, I covertly removed my bra and tucked it into my daypack. AT LAST!

What I hadn’t accounted for, in my 53-year-old audacity, were the city lights and the crowds—after the fireworks–and so I was forced to walk back to our hotel with my arms crossed over my chest, particularly since I was wearing a lightweight top, and was having too many hot flashes to bear putting on the red, white & blue button down that my 16 year old lent me from his closet.

As we approached a small intersection outside the plaza, and the crowds dispersed, something beautiful caught my attention, and I paused, and crossed a side street, as my husband and son kept on walking, deep in conversation about a car they’d seen or about the Air Force flyby we’d all witnessed before the fireworks.

I took out my phone and lifted my arms above my head to get the shot, and as I did, a car drove by, and a young man with wavy black hair hung his head out the backseat window, like a dog, and hooted–which I found so disorienting–like a wave of the past crashing at the shore of the present–that it wasn’t until the car caught the light just ahead that I lifted my middle finger into the air and moved it in an arc across time and across the space that defined me apart from him even while he continued to spew appreciation for my breasts.

It’s taken me almost two weeks to share this experience, and I’m still not entirely clear about it. What is clear is something that I hadn’t understood when I was young and desirable–all those years when I was expected to be attractive to men, even while the attention made me cringe, even as it empowered me, and as it disabled me from focusing on my capacities instead of my curves:

Men don’t hoot in appreciation of beauty,
they do it because they are entitled:

To women.
To the streets.
To society.

That someone thirty years my junior would still stake that claim infuriates me, even while my mind wants to be flattered: Yay, I still get an A. On appearance.

F*** THAT.

I do have beautiful breasts, particularly with the gravity of aging counteracted. But they’re mine. They’ve fed and comforted two baby boys into preschool. They’ve been offered in love making to one man for 31 years. They’ll be with me, if I’m fortunate, when I die.

I was 16, and working in the Hospital Lab, when I watched the Pathologist cut a section of a large, yellow-encrusted tumor out of an elderly woman’s breast after I’d emptied the breast from a plastic jar onto the specimen table.

“Why would she have waited so long to see someone?” I asked.

“She must have been afraid,” the other assistant said.

Later, I would rinse the formaldehyde from the breast before dropping it into the trash can. It was that summer that men started “hitting on me,” younger still when they began commenting on my developing body. My father. My uncles. Their friends.

I wonder if any man knows what it is to be afraid of your body.

To want to hide.
To be ashamed.
To cringe.

Because of the way you look at it.
Because of the way you talk about it.
Because of the way you make what is ours, yours.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

Sharing our stories publicly. Raising awareness.

– Kelly S

Location: Albany, NY, USA

Need support? Call the toll-free National Street Harassment hotline: 855-897-5910

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for ideas.

I got out of a cab with my mother around 11 a.m. on the side of a busy street, and a truck was stopped at a stop light next to the cab with three “men” in the front. I looked up and they started to wave at me. I was starting to get tired of feeling helpless and giving catcallers the feeling that they won by my shutting me up, so I flipped them off and walked away with my mom. As we were walking on the side of the street, the truck moved from the middle lane to the right lane next to the sidewalk, and slowed down beside us and they told me to “say hello”.

My mom told me to ignore them and eventually they drove away since they were stopping traffic. At that moment it made me feel powerful because I actually fought back against catcallers. However as the day went on, I began thinking about what they said to me after and that maybe I shouldn’t have flipped them off because I wouldn’t have had the second encounter, or I could have done something more, such as spit in their truck window or take a picture of their truck and call the company and complain.

– Anonymous

Location: Brooklyn/NY/USA, Atlantic Avenue

Need support? Call the toll-free National Street Harassment hotline: 855-897-5910

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for ideas.

My mother and I (age 16) were briefly followed by a man (possibly in his 50’s). As we passed by him he said, “I let you go in front of me so that I can watch you from behind. Oh I’m sorry, that was a compliment, you should take it as one.”

When he said this my heart started pounding, I felt scared, and I was embarrassed. It felt disgusting. Luckily, I had my mother with me and she calmly blew him off. I was mainly afraid that he would end up following us for a long period of time.

– Anonymous

Location: A store in Homer, Alaska

Need support? Call the toll-free National Street Harassment hotline: 855-897-5910

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for ideas.