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Archives for August 2017

“Is that all I’m worth?”

August 26, 2017 By Contributor

As a runner, I cannot even begin to count the number of times that I have been cat-called, shouted at, or otherwise bothered while training. And it doesn’t matter what I’m wearing – I’ve been shouted at while wearing a sports bra in the summer and while wearing piles of warm clothes in the winter. Regardless of the context, each and every call diminishes the sense of empowerment I get from running … is that all I’m worth?

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

Step one is is to stop normalizing this behavior.

– AB

Location: Country roads

Need support? Call the toll-free National Street Harassment hotline: 855-897-5910

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See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for idea
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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

“They said maybe I should just do the world a favour and kill myself”

August 20, 2017 By Contributor

Trigger Warning – Suicidal thoughts

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline ‘1-800-273-TALK (8255)’: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

I’ve been getting made fun of since I was 12 years old for my looks. I am now 31. I am very well aware that I am an ugly woman. Yet it seems maybe people seem to think I don’t know this. Why else do they need to keep reminding me of it?

I am someone who just keeps to myself. I am too nervous to get close to someone. Anyone I’ve been close to in the past always talked about how ugly I am to my face and behind my back. My own family has also always called me ugly. My mom has always been angry that I ended up looking more like my dad. They had a bad marriage. My sister often throws it in my face that I am ugly if we fight. So why get close to people if no one is willing to get past how hideously ugly my face is?

I’ve never had a boyfriend either, but I’ve never seen the point in trying. I am so ugly and any guy I’ve ever liked would probably hate me. Once when I did admit to it; the guy laughed in my face. He was a friend of mine and then he hated me for it. He was upset that someone as ugly as me would dare think I had a chance with him.

So I spend all my time on my own. Despite all of that, I’ve tried living my life as I should. I have a good job, I make good money, I have cats I love, I just bought my first house. Everything I have in my life, I’ve done all on my own. I’ve never asked for help. What’s the point? No one would probably want to help someone so ugly anyway.

I don’t bug anyone. I keep quiet but I love walking and hiking. I love exercise. I love being outside. I love summer. So today as usual, I went for one of my long walks. I was crossing the cross walk when I had the right of way and a car full of guys drove through and almost hit me.

They called me an ugly bitch as they went.

I managed to get across the road and they were in the parking lot at the Wendy’s. The guys came over to me and told me they’d be doing the world a favour if they hit me. No one would have to see my ugly face anymore. They said maybe I should just do the world a favour and kill myself. They said I am nothing but a pathetic loser who is a waste of skin.

I actually found this site to see how common this stuff is. It happens to me a lot, but I wanted to see if I could find people to relate to. I just don’t get why people have to be so mean to me.

Like I said, I don’t bug people. I keep to myself. I don’t force myself on anyone. I try to hide my face behind my hair. I do everything I can not to draw attention to myself but attention always finds me no matter what. I hate myself and I wish I could kill myself. I am still alive because despite the way my mom and sister have treated me, I don’t want to hurt them. I also have my two cats who I love and who need me to stay for them.

So every time an incident like this happens, I think of my family and my cats. However, I don’t know how much longer I can hold out. I should be able to walk down the street.

I’ve always been nothing but a good person. Sometimes I think maybe I was a bad person in my past life and so maybe I am being punished. Maybe I do deserve to be treated this way. Maybe I am actually a bad person. I think I am a good person but since it’s me, maybe I am being biased about myself. Maybe I am actually a horrible person and so my face makes up for my personality since I am the most hideous looking person. All I ever feel is contaminated for having an ugly face.

– Ashley

Location: Wendy’s in London, Ontario, Canada

Need support? Call the toll-free National Street Harassment hotline: 855-897-5910

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for idea
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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

“It made me feel disgusting and verbally abused”

August 19, 2017 By Contributor

I decided to walk to the bank from my office since it is only two blocks away. I wore a cardigan over a tank top since it was chilly in the morning but by midday it was hot, but I still decided to keep the cardigan on because I might attract attention wearing just a tank top. One block into the business district, a man twirling a sign saw me and began to make comments about my body, making kissing noises and licking his lips.

It made me feel disgusting and verbally abused, I did not give this person any authority to talk to me and less to make me feel inferior. I did not reply as I tried to process what he had just said and kept walking, hoping that ignoring it would make me feel better, but I just felt worse for not standing up for myself.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

Making public spaces cleaner, having more lighting, enforcing policies that protect public space.

– DV

Location: El Monte, CA

Need support? Call the toll-free National Street Harassment hotline: 855-897-5910

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for idea
s.

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

Indonesia: Psychological Effects of Street Harassment

August 18, 2017 By Correspondent

Astrid Nikijuluw, Serpong, Banten, Indonesia SSH Blog Correspondent

Street harassment or other kinds of harassment can cause psychological harm. Unfortunately not many people realize that simple things such as ‘whistling’ or ‘catcalling’ can be the beginning stages of further harassment.

Image courtesy of Reynitta Poerwito Muthalib. Dressed by @oenomel.id

In this article, I interview Indonesian Psychologist Reynitta Poerwito Muthalib about her views on the topic.

She works as a Clinical Psychologist in the Eka Hospital and does free online counseling.  She occasionally appears on the Indonesia Morning Show from Net TV.  She also actively shares her knowledge through seminars and school visits. She has a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Queensland University of Technology in Brisbane, Australia, and a master’s degree in Psychology with a focus on Clinical Psychology from the University of Indonesia.

Astrid Nikijuluw (AN): How do you define the street harassment according to your terms?

Reynitta Poerwito Muthalib (RPM): For me, street harassment, just like other harassment, has the straight line of what people do (verbal or non verbal) that makes other people feel threatened/uncomfortable/afraid/disgraced, both implicitly and explicitly. This happens, unfortunately, to a wide range of ages of people, from the very young to the old.

AN: What street harassment experience irritates you the most?

RPM: When I was about 13 or 14 years old, I went to a traditional market by myself. While I was passing a crowd of men, they whistled at me. I ignored them and tried to walk as fast as possible. Suddenly, one of those men came to me and walked by my side and made fun of me. I was so afraid and at that point I could not think of anything else but to just get away from that place as soon as possible. Yes, I was very young but the memory still vividly haunted me sometimes.  That kind of behavior is not acceptable at all.

AN: How did you cope after that happened to you?

RPM: The first thing I did was to increase my self-awareness. Because that market was part of my everyday route of going to school, I chose to take a longer route to try to avoid it occurring again by half circling the market instead of taking a direct route which went past the area where I had my incident. Sometimes I felt anger about this and just wanted to fight back but I felt it was no use. It was so frustrating to feel helpless about it.

AN: Can you explain, based on your expertise, the psychological effect of street harassment?

RPM: I would say there are three major factors:

1. First is the personality of the victim.  If the victim tends to face a distressing situation more often or has a better self-managing strategy for stress then the effect would not as bigger as it is on others who are vulnerable. Both sides can feel the thread, the disgrace, the scare, but to those who are –what people usually say- stronger would not be as affected as the others who are not as strong.

2. Second is the type of harassment itself. The deeper the harassment then the greater level of effect on the victim.  For example, if the harassment is whistling or cat calling, the victim might just ignore it and walk away or maybe in some cases, fight back. But on the other hand, if the harassment reaches the levels of threatening words, such as, “I’ll be watching you”, then the psychological effect for the victim is deeper.

3. Third is the victim’s history. If the victims had other harassment experiences before, then they may be more traumatized compared with others who have not yet experienced other types of harassment before street harassment. For example a young girl who used to be bullied at school or have abusive parents at home might be more affected just by hearing a whistle on the street than someone who was just a happy young girl.

In my experience, street harassment and other forms of harassment such as bullying and abusive treatment can impact victims several ways. They may feel depression, have high levels of anxiety and experience low self esteem.

AN: How, in your opinion, can we prevent street harassment?

RPM: The first thing to bear in mind is that how you dress is not directly proportional to street harassment. Do not put blame on the dress you wear because you should be free to wear anything you want.

The first phrase that comes to my mind answering your question is the phrase that our president uses in every situation: “MENTAL REVOLUTION”.  I use this phrase because harassers are threatening the victim’s private rights and acting on low-morality. They do not consider other people’s feeling and tend to act oppressive to the victim. Their conscience is not honed enough to bring empathy toward others.

People are born with enough conscience to feel compassion and love for each other. The lack of those factors brings us back to parenting. It starts at home and how parents raise their kids to accept differences are crucial. We in Indonesia live under patriarchal rule, therefore the understanding of how to appreciate women while still being a good patriarch is very important.

Therefore the mental revolution should start from the very beginning since it is easier to design moral obligation for children than those who are already teenagers or older. Technology awareness nowadays also is a challenge for parents because it is accessible for children.  Accompany your child in watching movies so they will not get the wrong moral lesson.

The last one for me is the appropriate law. I still find the law is not enough to protect the victim.  And not just for street harassment, but also for other types of harassment such as sexual harassment in schools or workplaces and bullying. Hopefully our government will put more attention to this matter in the future and make a breakthrough for protecting its citizen.

AN: Last question, any message for those who experience street harassment?

RPM: Don’t let them destroy your self esteem.

Today, 17th August 2017, my country Indonesia is celebrating its independence day. On this special day we always shout ‘FREEDOM’.  Well, for me freedom means to also feel free walking along the street. To be free from feeling afraid in public places. To be free to wear anything you want without getting scared of being harassed. Freedom is for every citizen, every human being, and every individual.

Happy 72th Independence Day to my fellow Indonesians.

Astrid received her Bachelors of Business at Queensland University of Technology Brisbane Australia. She finished her Master’s Degree at Gadjah Mada University Yogyakarta where she majored in Human Resource Development. Follow her on Twitter at @AstridNiki or on Facebook.

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Filed Under: Activist Interviews, correspondents, street harassment

Thank You, Taylor Swift!

August 15, 2017 By HKearl

Have you been following Taylor Swift’s lawsuit the last few days? If not, here is context via an excerpt of an article I wrote for Huffington Post a few days ago:

“Pop star Taylor Swift testified a few days ago about David Mueller, a former radio DJ, allegedly groping her backstage during a meet-and-greet after an event in 2013. Groping is a form of sexual violence. When her team reported the incident to his company, they launched their own investigation and fired him.

If her allegations are true, and I believe they are, then Swift’s experience is not unlike that of millions of Americans. In 2014, my organization Stop Street Harassment worked with national survey firm GfK to conduct a nationally representative survey about sexual harassment and violence in public spaces. Alarmingly, 23 percent of women and 8 percent of men nationwide had experienced some form of unwanted sexual touching while they were in public spaces, including streets, buses, trains, stores, bars, concert venues and parks…

Another common reason why people stay silent about groping is they fear being disbelieved or blamed for the incident. Countless women have written on the Stop Street Harassment site about encountering these kinds of responses when sharing their stories of harassment with friends, relatives or police. Even though she is a megastar, it is telling that these are both responses Swift faced. She had the fortitude to refute them in court saying, “This is what happened, it happened to me, I know it was him,” and “I’m not going to allow you or your client to make me feel in any way that this is my fault, because it isn’t.”

Yesterday, Swift won her lawsuit and today she announced she is donating money to organizations that work with sexual violence survivors.

Via ABC News:

“After a Denver jury found that a preponderance of evidence showed that former radio DJ David Mueller had groped the pop star, Swift said in a statement that her four-year ordeal, which included a two-year-long trial process, was for “anyone who feels silenced by a sexual assault.”

“I acknowledge the privilege that I benefit from in life, in society and in my ability to shoulder the enormous cost of defending myself in a trial like this,” the 27-year-old singer said in a statement obtained by ABC News. “My hope is to help those whose voices should also be heard. Therefore, I will be making donations in the near future to multiple organizations that help sexual assault victims defend themselves.”

Two organizations working with victims of assault told ABC News that they have already benefited from Swift taking on Mueller in court [including RAINN].”

Thank you, Swift, for using your platform in this way and for standing so tall in the face of abuse and disbelief. You are an inspiration and a role model.

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Filed Under: News stories, public harassment, Stories Tagged With: groping, lawsuit, sexual violence, taylor swift

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