If I were financially able, I would never leave my home again. I’m so tired of this. I just want it to stop.
I was waiting for the light rail. I was reading and I had on headphones. A man sat near me, which I thought was weird since there was a lot of space. Plus he smelled like alcohol. I considered pulling out my pepper spray, just in case, but I was afraid that if he saw it, he’d attack me. He was gesturing a lot, and I thought maybe he was talking, but I couldn’t hear over my music. I took off my head phones and asked if he said anything. (I wanted to pretend I didn’t notice him, but the last time I pretended that with a drunk man, he spat on me and tried to hit me.) He said no, so I put my headphones back on.
But then he started talking louder so I could sort of hear him over my music. I took my headphones off again and he asked me if I was “mad about what we’re doing.”
I played dumb and said, “Do you mean waiting for the light rail?”
He said no and got angry with me. He told me, “Take your f**king headphones off, put your book down, and talk to me!”
I tried to be very sweet so that I wouldn’t make him mad. I said, “No, thank you.”And I put my headphones back on and tried to read my book.
He very loudly asked, “Is it because I’m not educated like you?”
I told him that I just wanted to read my book.
He then asked if I wanted to make money. I told him that I didn’t need money because I was coming back from work. He said he could make me 100 million dollars in 6 months. I tried to make a joke and cheerfully said, “I don’t believe that!”
He called me stuck up and again told me to take off my headphones and put down my book and talk to him. I tried to sweetly change the subject to when the light rail was coming, but he did his best to ignore me and went on calling me stuck up. When the light rail came, I stood up, and he stood so close to me that he was pressed right up against me, but I was afraid to move.
He said I should go to dinner with him. I said no thank you. He asked me if it was because he was Indian. I said it was because I am a lesbian (for the record, no, I was not lying, as several men have accused me of doing) and he was about twice my age. I didn’t want to make him angry, so I didn’t mention how it was also because nobody wants to date someone who smells like booze and spent the last ten minutes swearing at her and calling her stuck up.
He objected to the reasons I did give, saying that he didn’t want to have kids or anything. Thankfully, he didn’t get on the light rail, so I was safe. But even when I got off at my stop, I was afraid that he’d gotten on without me seeing him and he was following me. That was how afraid I was.
Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?
Men need to get it through their thick skulls that we’re not their f**k toys. They also need to stop f**king women that they hate, because maybe then they won’t spend so much time trying to get in the pants of women they insulted five minutes ago. Yes, some women need to get this through their thick skulls too, and #notallmen, but this is a primarily male issue.
Security guards also need to take this shit seriously instead of ignoring it.
– Ashlee
Location: Phoenix, AZ on the central and Camelback light rail
Need support? Call the toll-free National Street Harassment hotline: 855-897-5910
Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for ideas.
