Archives for September 2017

I was waiting for the bus with a friend. A car driven by an old man stopped by to ask information about a street. I gave him this information, then he said ‘Do you enjoy sex?’. I was very embarrassed and I didn’t know what to say, then I realized that this man was asking me where he could find sex workers. Then he asked, ‘Does your boyfriend make you come?’

I had the strength to ask pointedly, ‘Do I have to call the police?’ and he left.

It was awful to stay silent, neither my friend could talk, we were speechless.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

We can’t shape minds already poisoned by rape culture, but we can teach new generations to treat people with respect.

– FM

Location: Bus stop

Tonight after I finished having dinner with my husband in an Italian restaurant, he needed to use the restroom and I started reading a pasta recipe book from a book shelf just by the corner of the restroom while I waited for him. I was going through the pasta recipes page by page, and suddenly I heard a voice talking to me. I turned around and there were two boys, the taller one was saying something about giving support to some organization, and the shorter boy was holding a box of Welch’s candies. I then realized what they were asking me and said, “No thank you.”

The boys still hovered around the restroom a bit then started leaving, and I went back to reading the recipes. Then a second or two later I felt a hand slap on the right part of my butt. I was actually confused at first, and then I realized it was one of those boys.

I turned around to see they were walking at normal pace as they were heading towards the restaurant door to exit, their backs facing me, the shorter boy holding the box of candies walking in front of the taller boy. I said, “Hey what did you do?!”

They didn’t turn back towards me, but I heard the taller boy said in a very casual way, “Hey she’s mad…”.

A restaurant worker came asking me what happened, and I said one of those boys touched my butt, the restaurant worker apologized and went outside the door, and came back saying he told them to never come back to this restaurant again. A few minutes later my husband came out from the restroom, I told him what happened, and he was shocked.

Another worker in the restaurant came to us to apologize, apparently a manager who was told by the worker that appeared initially about the incident. I said I had no idea why the boys were able to come in to the restaurant. The manager promised if we come again tomorrow night, we’d get a free meal, and that the boys were told never to come back here again. My husband thanked them and we left for home.

We needed to take the New Jersey PATH train to get home. On our way to the train station I was still in shock and I started to feel unsafe, when I exited the restaurant I looked around and wondered if the boys were still around. I started asking if I should report it to the police. I think those boys do pose a risk for the society. And I remembered seeing boys like them selling candies on the PATH train, I feared that they might be actually on the train that we were going to take, but then I thought it would be merely a wild thought.

As we were walking towards the end of the platform, looking for places to sit down and me still debating whether I should have reported the incident to the police around the restaurant, we stepped into a train car and I saw the boys sitting down, one still holding the box of candies. My husband saw them as well, and I said, “It’s them!” and we immediately exited and went backwards to other cars. I was really scared.

I saw the conductor standing around even further back towards the end of the platform. I started debating with my husband whether I should report them to the conductor as they would be a risk for the passengers as well, and my husband said, “You wanna report them? It’ll take at least 2 or 3 hours. You wanna send them to jail? It’s expensive to hire a lawyer, but if that’s what you want to do, I support you.”

For me those are not supportive words, for me those are the words to intimidate and suppress me from reporting, to stop me from telling the world that one of those two boys harassed me. It is unacceptable behavior and he should be educated to stop doing that. I wanted them to stop doing what they were doing, but it never came into my mind that I wanted to send them to jail, or retaliate. I remembered the ads I’ve seen in public, telling women if you are sexually harassed, report to authority. And here I had my husband with me pressuring me towards the exact opposite. I was appalled and hugely disappointed. I did not feel my partner of life was protective of me at all. Instead I had someone that wished to quickly avoid any kind of trouble and told me to forget about the incident.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

– More cameras, indoors and outdoors in public places.
– Easier way to report the incident when harassment happens. (I could not find any police on the street outside the restaurant, and I dared not walk over to the conductor since I was afraid I might be seen by the boys on my way there.)

– Anonymous

Location: Barilla Restaurants, NYC

Walking down the street at 35 weeks pregnant a white unmarked van drove very slowly behind me. Once they got next to me (two men inside) the driver leaned out the window leering at me. He then said, “Oh yea baby, daaamn.”

I told him that I thought he was disgusting. I felt angry, disgusted, and vulnerable. Is no one safe from this despicable behavior?!?!

– Anonymous

Location: 4th Street, Bremerton, Washington

To begin, it’s hard not to blame myself for today’s incident. I was wearing a crop top and a denim skirt that stopped at my knees with a fairly dramatic slit. However, this is South Florida, it’s hot, and I shun the hideous college student uniform of ratty hoodies and gym shorts. At the end of the day, I think I should be able to wear whatever the heck I want. Plus my clothes aren’t an invitation for attention. I put on my clothes to impress myself not some strange dude lurking in the student parking lot.

Anywayyyyyy on with the story. I was walking to my car in the afternoon after class. I see two young men, presumably students, and I veer left to avoid them. I just moved here from Los Angeles so I’m no stranger to the disgusting things men feel empowered to say when they’re loitering with their friends. Of course one of the guys comes up to me and asks me if I can give him a ride home. For obvious reasons I say no. And I continue my walk to my car. He continues to ask two more times as I walk away and I offer a practical solution: “Why don’t you call an Uber?” He then goes on about not having money and at this point I stop because I don’t want this stranger to know which car is mine. He badgers me again and I make an excuse that I’m headed to Starbucks and I can’t help him.

He then completely flips the script and asks for my name and to that I say “I’m good” and walk away as quickly as possible. Fortunately he finally picked up on my lack of interest. I was relieved that he wasn’t close behind when I made it to my car; on the other hand I felt unsafe and uncomfortable.

I’m still confused trying to understand why that’s a tactic for flirting and I’m curious about who the heck that even works on. I wish I didn’t have to worry about instances like this on campus. Why doesn’t the school just host a seminar on harassment and why it’s not okay? Why do we not have heavier security in student parking lots to discourage this kind of behavior?

– J

Location: Palm Beach State College, Boca Raton, FL

Yesterday I was leaving work. I was in a really great mood because my birthday is coming up in just a few days, and my husband and I had planned a weekend getaway, plus, my office had just had our monthly birthday treats/get together for all the birthdays this month. I was floating!

When I leave work, I literally just cross the street then walk up a ramp (about 30-40 feet in length) to get to the bus stop. It is important to note that it is separated from the pedestrian sidewalk by a bike lane, and there is a fence between the bike lane and the bus stop.

Just as I reached the other side of the street and was about to head up the ramp, a street performer who was apparently taking a break yelled at me, “Hey! Hey! I know you know where I can get some…, ” and before he completed his sentence I looked around to see to whom he was speaking. He said to me, “Yeah, you! I’m talking to you! Come here!”

His voice was belittling and demanding. I gave him the, “You’re crazy” side-eye, and continued to walk up the ramp. He yelled after me a few more times, which I ignored, and made it to the ramp hoping my bus would be there soon. The next thing I knew he was standing behind me in the bike lane behind the bus stop. I heard him say, ” What, do I have ‘jerk’ written across my face or something?” I resisted saying yes, and told him I was trying to get to the bus stop. He told me he “just wants to talk to me” and continued to try to get my attention (at this point I’m just looking for my bus).

Finally after another “just want to talk to you” comment, I turned to him and very loudly said, “I don’t want to talk to you!”

Thankfully he walked away at that point. I do not know, nor do I care, what he thought he “knew” I could get. He could have been asking for a recommendation to a good Thai food place for all I care (he wasn’t). His manner and aggression made me fearful. It stole my joy. It brought up abuses that I have experienced in the past, making them weigh on me all over again. I’m concerned he will be back today, although I’ve worked here for months and can’t say I’ve seen him before. Each time this happens, where the harasser has been particularly aggressive, it takes time for me to move on from it. Old wounds are opened. I want to take that power back from them!

– Sarah

Location: Austin, TX