Stop Street Harassment

Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming

Archives for October 2017

“I know he was capable of violence”

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I am a single parent, 46 years old. I was harassed daily by my neighbor for four years He lived across the street from me and yelled vulgar things and grabbed his genitals. I called the police but they did not care. He would follow me to the store and to my son’s bus stop. I know he was capable of violence. I was literally a prisoner in my own home. He and his friends would get drunk and sit in his carport across the street to intimidate me. Thank the Lord above, I was able to move to a better neighborhood. I moved two weeks ago. The trauma of what this idiot did to me has not left me though. It was very frustrating that the police said I needed “evidence”. I always had my phone on video. It was kind of hard to prove.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

It starts at home. Teach your sons to respect women. Teach them to treat them the way they would want someone to treat their daughter. Teach them that women have souls, feelings, and deserve respect. Police should also take these issues seriously. They should have listened to me and handled the situation. They should patrol the streets and be aware of situations like this.

– Anonymous

Location: Griffin, Georgia

Need support? Call the toll-free National Street Harassment hotline: 855-897-5910

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for ideas.

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“I’d have to be invisible for them not to have that power.”

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A man driving by while I was walking to work honked his horn and I naturally looked up. He made a gesture of sucking dick at me and smiled. I felt powerless because he was in a car and got the attention he wanted, and I ended up sobbing to my mother on the phone afterwards because of my helplessness. What makes matters worse is that so many women will respond by saying, “Don’t let it bother you, that just lets them win”, but they already won because men know they can do that to a woman on the street with no consequences. He didn’t see my reaction, and it didn’t matter if he did, he already got the power he wanted. Even if I had not been upset by it, he still has the power. They profit off my beauty, regardless of what I wear. I’d have to be invisible for them not to have that power.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

There should be a universal coloring agent that identifies people who harass or catcall on the streets, like when someone pulls a fire alarm and the non-washable fluid comes out to identify who pulled it. It could be part of a typical young American’s kit: with their pepper spray and rape whistle.

– AKS

Location: Washington DC capitol hill neighborhood

Need support? Call the toll-free National Street Harassment hotline: 855-897-5910

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for ideas.

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“I’ve been harassed daily since I was about 14”

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I’m a 16 year old girl, and I’ve been harassed daily since I was about 14. I must have been harassed more than a few hundred times in my life at least. Generally the harassment I face can be categorised in a few categories:

-Non verbal: They usually just stare at me sensually, and do kissy motions with their mouths, whistle, or lick their lips. Winking is also real common. When I go in some neighbourhoods, basically, and this is not an exaggeration, all the men look at me sultrily, and/or catcall me.

-Verbal badmouthing/Insults: Either they talk shit ‘indirectly” like, “Oh ya, I’d pin that bitch on the wall, and f*ck her hard”, or talk with their friends about all the dirty things they’d do to me. Other times, it’s lone wolves, or groups of guys who scream stuff like “Sucky sucky bitch” or “Hey come over here you f*cking slut, and let me eat your pussy”.

-Verbal non explicit ‘insults’: Like “You’re so pretty, you shouldn’t be so sad. Smile for me”, “Damn, liking the view. Nice ass. Wanna see it up close”, “Hey there…”, “What’s up..”.

-Asking for sexual favours: I don’t get a lot of allowance, so I ask people on the street for money (not pandhandling). If I ask a guy, it’s not at all uncommon for him to ask me to give him a blowjob, f*ck him or kiss him for money. Sometimes, I just innocently ask for directions, and they ask me for a kiss. I’ve had a stranger before, force me to kiss him on the mouth, and let him feel what he wanted under threat of violence, in public.

-Stalking: I’ve had guys who asked me out, or tried going predator on me, follow me for hours after I refused. But mostly it’s just for a few minutes to get a good view.

-Asking me out, and forcing me to go somewhere isolated with them right after: Basically half of the time when I talk to a male stranger, they ask me out, or after I refuse, to just be friends. They all immediately invent bizarre excuses to get me somewhere of intimacy or give me alcohol. I’ve been nearly forced in a car before, and in other bad places. Got molested quite a lot. Nearly raped a few times too. The creepiest thing is, I’ve always told them, than I’m either 14 or 15. And they won’t even back down. Even if I’m not legal. They don’t care.

-Being patronised by a lot of men. A decent amount of men, I don’t know or not well, refer to me as “sweety, “honey”, “sexy”, “babe”. What the f*ck. I’m sick of this. Even though it’s been more than two years, It still affects me. I hate being harassed. Don’t care if he’s hot.

– Anonymous

Location: Paris, France

Need support? Call the toll-free National Street Harassment hotline: 855-897-5910

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for ideas.

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#MeToo Ends Here Unless Men Step Up

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Millions of people have tweeted #MeToo and Facebook shared that 45% of people’s friends have posted it on their timeline to indicate they have experienced some form of sexual abuse (rape, sexual assault, sexual harassment at work or school or street harassment). The hashtag was started in 2007 by Tarana Burke and brought forward again a few days ago by actress Alyssa Milano in the wake of women coming forward revealing sexual abuse they faced from Harvey Weinstein, a very powerful man in Hollywood who could make or break people’s careers.

I began receiving google alerts about the story before it really got going but it took me days to finally engage with it on my own social media accounts, let alone here for Stop Street Harassment.

I know that the hashtag has done a lot of good and it’s created space for more people to share stories and others to read them. But my knee-jerk reaction was not positive. This is what I wrote on my personal Facebook page two days ago, at the height of people sharing #MeToo online:

While I’m glad #MeToo is trending and blah blah blah people are paying attention to sexual harassment and assault again for a minute, I just honestly feel TIRED. Do any of my other activists allies who’ve been working on this issue for a long time feel similarly? I feel worn down from the accumulation of stories I hear daily and have heard nearly daily for 10 years and periodically for years before that and by my own 100s of experiences of sexual harassment (school, work, public spaces, online, interpersonal), including 3 street harassment incidents in the past 9 or so days. I just wish sexual abuse would STOP. Don’t make us have to keep telling our stories and living through this and then when the new cycle shifts, forget about us. I just wish and wish it would stop. Just STOP.

It received over 165 likes (one of my most popular posts all year) and nearly 50 comments, mainly from people who also work on sexual abuse issues for a day job or as a volunteer activist. So many of them voiced fatigue, too. Like literal fatigue of their bodies shutting down. Many said they were getting triggered by seeing so many stories and others just felt too overwhelmed to engage. Yes, they said, they too felt tired.

Those of us working on these issues know all about the problem and I know the hashtag wasn’t for us. But we’re still impacted. Who will be the ones continuing with the work once the hashtag fades away? Who will still be facing sexual harassment and abuse in our day-to-day lives and having to figure out ways to cope with it and keep moving through our day? Us. Us. Us. Us. Us.

Don’t get me wrong, at an individual level, I think story-sharing is the best way to raise awareness about this issue. But at a community, national or global level, I’m tried of us having to pour open our souls and then seeing the attention end there. WHERE are the policies that can actually make a dent in stopping this? WHERE are the male allies who are vowing to speak up and do something proactive to stop this?

Yesterday and today I noticed several articles asking similar questions and challenging additional action, like Jessica Valenti who suggested in her Guardian piece that we now call out the perpetrators.

Or Rozina Sini who wrote at BBC, “I’d love to see a counter trend of men posting ‘I’m sorry and I’ll do better’ if they feel they’ve ever made a woman uncomfortable, unheard or unsafe. This one’s on you, dudes, and yet I still see all the mobilisation and conversational labour being held by woman.”

Or Wagatwe Wanjuki who wrote for Daily Kos, “If we really want to reduce sexual violence, we need more than social media statuses by survivors. We need more than just our stories of trauma to stop sexual assault. We’ve had many similar efforts (#BeenRapedNeverReported, #YesAllWomen, #IBelieveHer, etc.) in the past, but gendered violence remains a serious issue. It’s because we need more. Listening and believing survivors is great, but it should be the first step of many in doing our part to end sexual violence. We need everyone to participate in raising awareness and taking concrete actions against rape culture, rather than leaving it to survivors to do the heavy lifting.”

I agree with them. And I will add this:

I know there are many good men out there who don’t harass or abuse women but I think the bar should be higher than not raping someone or not catcalling them on the street. That doesn’t make you a good guy. The bar should be truly treating women as equals.
 
What does this mean?
 
Do you actively try to ensure women are paid fairly, are not ignored or spoken over in meetings, and are not sexually objectified behind their backs? Do you reject forcing your last name on women at marriage and do you perform an equal share of the childcare/housekeeping/cleaning? Do you raise your daughters to believe they can be as strong, as brave and as competent as your sons? Do you accept no when women don’t feel into having sex?
 
I think there are A LOT of “good guys” who don’t do these things or at least not all of them. That’s a problem. Treating women as less than, as objects, as property, as your personal thing is connected to sexual abuse and sexual violence. If you don’t respect someone and treat them as an equal, it’s much easier to objectify and abuse them or to tolerate it when someone else does it.
 
Unless men are actively working to respect women in all aspects of their life, they are part of the problem. Sadly, sharing our stories until we are BLUE in the face and worn out and exhausted won’t do a damn thing at the macro level. Men, please step up and examine ALL of your behaviors toward women. Please, be better

 

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“It made me feel like a piece of meat”

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When I was living in Japan from 2002-2004, men grabbed my butt as I was walking about in public, or standing at a festival with my junior high students, or standing on the sidewalk asking someone for directions. These “men” would grab my butt and walk away without saying a word. It was completely degrading and gross. It made me feel like a piece of meat – what on Earth would make them think they had a right to touch me!?!?!?!

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

Keep talking about these instances, and helping people feel empowered to stand up and stop these people – scream, take a picture of them, stop them physically and call the police – whatever it takes – make a scene – embarrass the harassers!!

– Keryn S

Location: Throughout Japan

Need support? Call the toll-free National Street Harassment hotline: 855-897-5910

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for ideas.

Share