All I wanted to do was get pizza, not deal with a random guy who wouldn’t leave me alone!
I went to The Italian Store after work to get some slices of pizza for dinner. Usually this is something I do with little fanfare. But this loud, obnoxious guy was there who wouldn’t leave me alone.
I was very tired during this interaction. (I’d just woken up from my bus ride minutes before arriving at the store and was somewhat somnolent.) These things were on my mind:
*My shoes hurt my feet and I can’t wait to take them off
*My upcoming doctor’s appointment
*I’m hungry and I wonder what slices I’ll get
None of my thoughts were, “Gee, I hope some random man bugs me!”
As I look at the slices on display, this guy, another customer, says, “Whaddup, ma?” at me.
“Don’t call me ‘ma’,” I said. This guy reacts overdramatically, throwing his arms in the air and backing up in this “Gee, what’s wrong with you?” manner.
“Long day?” he asks.
I give a curt “Mm-hmm,” not looking at him.
“Well, it’s over,” he said. Then he makes a comment about me needing to enjoy my day. Since when was he designated the keeper of my moods?
“Do you know what you want?” he asks, referencing the pizza.
I said, “Mm-hmm” again, once again not looking at him, and he goes on about, “I don’t need to talk to you, because you know what you want!”
This guy would not stop attempting to chat me up and wouldn’t leave me alone, and made comments about how I was having a “bad day” which he thought I should’ve gotten over.
“Well, did you have a nice Mother’s Day?” he asked. “Are you a mother?”
“Does it look like I’m a mother?!” I said, clearly irritated. (Looking back, I realize that my comment was offensive, since there’s no one way to “look like a mother.” My being annoyed with this guy was no excuse to make comments like that.)
“You’re clearly not from around here,” he said.
“Got that right!” I said. People working behind the counter started looking over my way with this air that read, “Oh, drama!”
“Well, I’m from the South,” this guy says, being overdramatic with his gestures again. “I’m friendly. I like to talk to people.”
I assumed that this guy was talking to me in a tone that was more familiar than I was comfortable with coming from a stranger because we’re both black, and I asked, “If I were a white woman, would you talk to me like this?” That caught him off guard.
“Would you approach a white woman and say, ‘Whaddup, ma’?” I asked.
“You need to loosen up, baby,” he said. Then, under his breath, “Would I talk to a white woman that way [scoffs].”
“Yeah, you approached me in a way that is too friendly and familiar with me,” I said. “I was standing here minding my business and I want to be left alone. And don’t call me ‘baby’ either.”
He repeated that I needed to “loosen up,” and claimed that he’d leave me alone, but he once again tried to engage me when I made my order and he claimed that I “stole” one of the slices he wanted. He was invisible to me at that point. I was never so glad for him to get his order and leave.
This guy was acting like he was in a romcom. He acted like the goofy guy who keeps bugging the “cold” woman with an attitude until she loosened up and fell for him. Well, my life is not a romcom, and I was not going to “loosen up” for some random guy who, when I said I wanted to be left alone, continued to bug me and put me down because I wasn’t going to cater to his whims.
This guy appeared to be wearing a delivery service uniform, but I didn’t get the name of the company he worked for. If this is his “friendly” approach with women, then he needs to reconsider it, especially when he’s on the clock.
Do you have any suggestions for dealing with harassers and/or ending street harassment in general?
For this situation: Men, don’t approach women with corny slang and lame lines. Say “hello.” If the woman appears interested, you can talk to her, but if she appears disinterested, LEAVE HER ALONE. Don’t push it! Women have lives outside of being hit on and pestered by random men!
– Anonymous
Location: The Italian Store, 3123 Lee Highway, Arlington, VA
