There weren’t very many people on the tram. I was wearing a black dress just above the knee and brown boots and jacket. Slutty? Why is that even part of the question- IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HOW GUYS TREAT US. I had a bag of groceries and I was tired.
This older guy, maybe late 40’s, kept looking at me. I was on my way home and the ride was a little long. I finally looked at him in the eyes hoping to get him to stop. With no holding back he looked up and down my body and into my eyes again. I looked away. I looked back and he was still staring. Finally I motioned “What?” to him and he came up to me! He asked me what the problem was and I asked him why he kept staring at me. I was a bit shocked he walked up to me…
Then he got closer and said, “NO, you were staring at ME.”
I was shaking by now, “Yes, to try and get YOU to stop.” I said.
He was yelling, “You were staring, should I call the authorities?”
I was baffled. What was this guy talking about? As if I were the one harassing him! “The difference is, I looked away.”
“So did I.” He argued loudly. (I know he had not. He stared at me the ENTIRE time.)
Finally 3 men came up and stood around us, one guy separated me and the other guy. I was so thankful my legs felt weak.
The rude guy finally left for the front of the tram. One of the guys made a comment that that same guy had been creeping on women before…
I almost wanted to cry. I don’t know why. I guess because of how the guy treated me. How weak I felt. I don’t know. I am usually pretty strong and things don’t usually bother me. I am still shaking just thinking about it even though nothing happened….
I got home and told my boyfriend about it and his response?
“Why did you give him attention?”
WHAT! It hurt that his response was saying I was in the wrong. I can’t believe it. I told him I didn’t give him attention, the guy gave ME attention and any normal person would look away in the same circumstance and this guy did the opposite… if I felt uncomfortable didn’t I have a right to try and get him to stop? I am so offended by how my boyfriend reacted the feelings have come rushing back as fresh as if the event had just happened. (It happened an hour ago.)
I felt more security from the guy who stood between me and the disgusting guy than I did telling my own boyfriend. I am so confused over that.
He told me I should have just looked away. I explained that I had but the guy was blatantly staring at me. I had a right to try and get him to stop. If I felt uncomfortable I was not in the wrong to stand up for myself. People make eye contact on a regular basis- but usually they look away. They don’t keep staring.
We all have common courtesy and this guy did not show me this at all.
Optional: Do you have any suggestions for dealing with harassers and/or ending street harassment in general?
More women standing up and saying NO. By staying silent it will continue. Even having someone stare- there is a cultural accepted amount of time for eye contact. A person doesn’t have a right to look at someone else as if they are a piece of meat. SAY SOMETHING. If it escalates get authorities. This person obviously needs to be reminded that it is NOT okay and needs to be put straight.
– E. Nicole
Location: Yarra Trams, Coburg, VIC
Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea
