Ngwentah Berlyne Ngwalem, Buea, Cameroon, SSH Blog Correspondent
My younger sister recently told me that she never really understood what harassment meant. Not that she doesn’t have to deal with it on a daily basis, but that she had not found a name before to describe the repulsive rude behavior committed by men towards her. She found it hard articulating her feelings as she sadly said to me:
“I mean sometimes you just want to be left alone but these men don’t get it. Is it harassment when you get in a taxi and a guy starts narrating the story of his life, even though you show no interest? They immediately jump into chatting you up, and you don’t respond, but they keep talking and try to teach you how you should act back? I feel really irritated by what these guys do.”
I listened and felt how difficult it was for her to explain what happens to her and a lot of other women on a daily basis. I told her that it was harassment.
As these things are now being talked about, a lot of girls are realizing that what happens to them — what hurts them so much, but they couldn’t find words to explain it — is actually called “harassment.”
To many men, toying with women’s lives is like a game, or like a remote controller in their hands and they can press any button and expect women to dance according to their tune. The acceptance of harassment in the culture encourages men to see women as play things.
One of the biggest causes of harassment I’ve seen is the permission society gives to men to be the primary and sole initiators of “chatting”. Playing the main role in chatting gives men the power to be in control. When street harassers want you to act nice you have to be subservient whether you approve of what they do or not. Many men have been groomed to focus on what they want and not what women want.
Recently, in response to one of my Facebook posts teaching people about the difference between a compliment and harassment, one of my friends whom I viewed as someone who is very accepting and open to compliments complained to me after reading my posts that she felt insulted about the way guys on the streets treat her.
This made me think differently. I started asking myself if sometimes these women I deem as being open to compliments smile at these aggressive random men out of fear or due to the fact that they are tired of being harassed and have no other choice than to act like they love what these guys say to them?
She had talked about how groups of guys jumped into insulting her after being in her face, demanding that she accept their harassment as complimentary words about her beauty. I could feel in her writing how insecure and insulted she felt.
Talking about harassment is a way for the Cameroonian population to know what harassment is and its impact on women’s peace and security in our society. Talking about street harassment unceasingly acts as a motivator for other women to speak out, to share their stories and frustration at the fact that nothing, or very little, is being done by the Cameroonian society and law enforcement to stop this demeaning disturbing madness.
I have heard cries from young women saying street harassment needs to be addressed. One of my former classmates Melvis Loh, an English Language master’s student at the University of Buea, explains what happens to certain women when they do not act according to the demands of men in her community in Sandpit, Buea;
“Some guys even go as far as trashing up girls who turn down their advances to chat up or date them”
Melvis recounted painfully how her younger sister was continuously molested psychologically and severely beaten by a young guy who could not stand the fact that this young lady turned down his continuous approach to be his lover. He had made it clear to her that he would not take no for an answer. If not for the help of passersby, this girl would have probably have lost her life. She had to be pulled out of the grips of this young man who felt insulted being turned down by this young lady.
It has to take persistence, severe brutality or even death for law enforcement to respond to acts of harassment with will and desire to protect the women involved. If you come from a family where there is not much status, education or wealth, that family might find themselves negotiating with harassers to no avail to make sure the harassed is safe.
Young boys are being taught how to chat up a woman, but how many of them are taught to chat up a woman or compliment them the right way? I strongly think if our society creates a balance in the milieu of who gets to ask who out, propose to whom, how and when, there might be a reduction in female street and sexual harassment.
Berlyne is a Cameroonian-based women’s human rights activist, passionate and determined to put an end to social injustice of any kind. You can find her on twitter @Luvequalityrule and Facebook.
