Sunday 9th November, 8:15 A.M. (London, England)
I was sitting by myself on an empty tube carriage and a man hopped on the same train carriage at the next station.I didn’t think anything of it, why should I? Right?
I had my head down whilst I was fiddling with my phone and I looked up to see him masturbating openly opposite me. Disgusted and mortified by what I saw, I quickly moved to the other side of the carriage (where still no one was sitting) but he deliberately continued, leaving me in a state of severe discomfort.
When another man got on the same carriage at the next station, he stopped and stood up, adjusted his clothes and acted completely normal… (Because of course, he had more respect and pride towards a man than a woman.)
Getting up from my seat to get off at my station, he too, got up and although this may have been a genuine coincidence, in my head at the time it didn’t seem it. Upon arrival to the station, I ran up the escalators ahead of him in order to report him in time before he got up there (I was hoping for community police officers to be present tbh). In the process of explaining to the only available TFL staff member what had happened, he ran up to the ticket barriers, jumped over them and ran out of the station.
The TFL staff member asked me to come into the office and put me on the phone to report the whole incident in detail to the police in which I did… (This took 15 mins)
They asked me several questions: What happened? How I was feeling? Descriptions of myself and the man etc. (I had no problem answering these questions as after all, I want this man to be prosecuted more than anything.)
This is the third time in the space of a month that I have reported an incident to the police due to harassment, so when the man on the phone asked me if I’ve been a victim of a similar incident before, I replied with “Yes.”
Immediately after my response to that question, I couldn’t help but feel like I, myself was almost the problem here. What was the intention behind such question? What difference would it make if I was or wasn’t a first time victim? Was he trying to create a profile of myself, and my image in public? Or was it possibly a neutral question asked for survey/record purposes? All these questions stayed in my head for the rest of the day.
Meanwhile, the man I was speaking to on the phone asked me for more detailed information regarding what I was wearing. Though this was most likely and understandably for CCTV purposes, I felt obliged to mention to him that I was wearing a long black coat, (even though I still stressed that this should not have happened to anyone, regardless of the type of clothing worn). He quickly agreed and reassured me this case would be taken seriously and dealt with by a specialised team called ‘The Guardian’.
He sounded sincerely disgusted and apologetic about the incident and advised me to take the day off. Although he meant well, taking a day off was not going to solve the issue, hence my decision to write about it, in attempt to raise awareness (even if it’s a small number of people I reach) for similar under-reported incidents that many women are weighed down with and continue to face whilst trying to get on with their daily lives.
I don’t for a millisecond, blame or look down on women that have gone through any form of harassment and have not reported it. It is their choice as it is only those who are put in such an unfortunate situation, would truly understand the courage it takes to get overcome the sensitivity and embarrassment associated with the incident to come forward. However, in my opinion, I would encourage, (and only when women feel ready to do so), to report these cases to the police.
I appreciate that in many cases the police have proven to not be as supportive as we hope for them to be; and nor are we always going to get the outcome that we want. Nevertheless, with some optimism in the civilisation of society; if we all encourage one another to keep reporting incidents, then hopefully some sort of solution will be reached. I would also urge women to continue to be there and support one another through these increasing daily incidents, even if it doesn’t lead to the victim reporting the incident.
I hesitated several times whilst starting to write this and contemplated just keeping it to myself, considering the crude nature of this incident. However, it has come to my attention that this is no longer becoming a ‘once in a blue moon issue’ and it could have easily been burdened on a child, family member, or another member of the public.
Looking back at the past struggles in history, since when has any change occurred from remaining silent?
A social norm by definition is a “repeated collective action/behaviour by members of a society.”
Frankly, I am just so sick of hearing many stories of women suffering from harassment (and I know some stories are more sensitive than this one) with little being done about it. Personally speaking, I will partially put some blame on myself if I let such a “repeated action” become a norm of this so called ‘western civilised society’ without having made an attempt, even if it’s a small one, on social media, by raising awareness on this issue.
– Y.E.
Location: London, UK
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